Guilt. It wasn't BPD.

[oblivian2013]

All the traits were very similar; however, it was Trauma Induced Brain Injury from a car accident a decade ago. I wasn't informed by her doctors or clinician about her condition and I didn't realize how my actions triggered her. Now she is gone and I feel so guilty for not taking better care of her.  :'(

[recoil]

Pardon my skepticism, but what's the source of the information?  How do you know it was a true brain injury?

[Lucky Jim]

Hi oblivian, Her doctors and/or clinicians are bound by doctor-patient confidentiality, so I am uncertain why you would expect them to inform you about anything.  Which brings me to the point that recoil makes, i.e., who is providing you with this information?  Presumably neither her doctor nor her clinician.  So I suggest that you tread carefully her, in case you are a victim of FOG -- fear, obligation and/or guilt.  Lucky Jim

[rogerroger]

Why does it matter what the exact cause of the behavior was? What matters is the behavior itself. There is a difference between triggering behavior and deserving it. If you need to remove yourself from a situation that has become intolerable, what matters is that the situation was intolerable. It is unlikely that you could have significantly improved the situation with the knowledge that a brain injury was the cause. Could you fix the injury? Is it reasonable to think that knowing the cause would have significantly allowed you to help her avoid her intolerable behaviors? Would it have made you more willing to endure them?