Can't stop thinking/obsessing about ex BPD partner

[human101]

I broke up with my BPD girlfriend almost a month ago. It was short (3 months) but intense and I really believed we were deeply in love. Our last conversation was her accusing me of "building a shrine" to a former partner and being in love with him. She had noticed a photo of him in my house. I lost all self control (he committed suicide, 14 years ago) and screamed at her that she was a f* ING bhit and slammed down phone.

Apart from a few txts and emails that's been the end of all contact.

I'm now finding I think about her constantly, wonder what she's doing and if she's thinking of me. I check her twitter feed several times a day and feel relieved she's still posting and then hurt she's functioning when I'm so devastated.

I find myself going over events and conversations in my mind, replaying them, having conversations in my head.  Wishing I could make contact and somehow turn things around even though I know I can't go back to that abuse.

Her accusations that I'm bisexual and not a real lesbian really hurt and make me doubt that other women I meet will accept me, I feel second class in my sexuality. Yes I "came out" later in life but it doesn't mean I'm unsure about my sexuality.

I'm generally very stable and secure in myself but these last few months during and after meeting her have been very upsetting. I have mood swings, cry easily and am very irritable and on edge.   I miss the wonderful, intelligent woman I loved. I hate and want to get even with the horrible woman who hurt me so maliciously.

[strikeforce]

IMO she is probably in many ways just as devastated as you are. Even although she is coming across well on twitter etc, its just a cover.

Best think to do is go NC. She wont ever change and you now need to focus on yourself and not her.

[human101]

Thanks for replying. I know you are right. She's has a history of failed and exploded relationships that she portrayed herself as the victim in. I am thinking I'd like to contact her ex's and find how she treated them. Or call some of her friends I met and make contact, put my side of the breakup.  I won't do any of these things rest assured. ! 

I've progressed a lot in a week, I was "shattered" until a few days ago.

NC makes me feel more in control. Less vulnerable.

Thank You again !

IMO she is probably in many ways just as devastated as you are. Even although she is coming across well on twitter etc, its just a cover.

Best think to do is go NC. She wont ever change and you now need to focus on yourself and not her.

[strikeforce]

I ended my relationship 3 days ago, Im finding things ok for now but my biggest concern is her contacting me, and what she might say.

From what I gather in my research over the past few weeks and months is that she will make contact with you again at some point, you just have to decide how you wish to deal with it.

[strikeforce]

Not a problem human101 and welcome