BPD blatantly admitted my emotions don't matter...VENT...Drug dealer at my house

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

In the process of getting my ducks in a row to most likely leave (or have him go, it's my house he moved into, after all).  Playing semi-nice in the meantime.  Getting ready to take uBPDh's mom to a visitation and service for her step sister who died (H couldn't do it, had to go to his son's game... .cause missing one is apparently horrible to support his mom), when some guy comes to the door.  uBPDh answers it and goes outside and I can see this guy is worked up.  H comes back in and tells me this guy was asking for money.  The excuse is that one of H's friends owes this guy money for drugs and the friends supposedly told the guy that H owes him money for work and until the friend got that money he couldn't pay the drug dealer.  So, the drug dealer took it upon himself to come to our house and collect on his own.  Instead of telling the guy to F off and say I don't owe anyone anything, the H insists I give him $30 so the guy doesn't beat him up.  I told him no, I won't give anything that isn't owed and I don't have it anyway because my account is overdrawn AGAIN.  He grabs the $23 out of my purse and takes it to the guy without asking, I now have no gas money until next Monday.  My light is on.  I had to borrow $5 today.

I was mad about all this occuring, but kept my emotions and temper in check and when he was saying how mad he was his friend would do this to him, I said it better not EVER happen again or everyone will be in jail and had I known who the guy was before he left I would have called the cops, he told me I was selfish and that he was the one who should be upset and not me.  I said I'm human, too and have emotions, am I not allowed to have emotions?  He said point blank... .NO, you are not.  I said, that's fine, I will become a robot then.  He told me not to smart off and I walked out.  He was trying to be nice the rest of the night before he left the visitation for the game and after he got home.  I pretty much ignored him.  Nail in the coffin, pretty much.

He thinks I'm stupid and believe his story.  Not so much.

[wishfulthinking]

In the process of getting my ducks in a row to most likely leave (or have him go, it's my house he moved into, after all).  Playing semi-nice in the meantime.  Getting ready to take uBPDh's mom to a visitation and service for her step sister who died (H couldn't do it, had to go to his son's game... .cause missing one is apparently horrible to support his mom), when some guy comes to the door.  uBPDh answers it and goes outside and I can see this guy is worked up.  H comes back in and tells me this guy was asking for money.  The excuse is that one of H's friends owes this guy money for drugs and the friends supposedly told the guy that H owes him money for work and until the friend got that money he couldn't pay the drug dealer.  So, the drug dealer took it upon himself to come to our house and collect on his own.  Instead of telling the guy to F off and say I don't owe anyone anything, the H insists I give him $30 so the guy doesn't beat him up.  I told him no, I won't give anything that isn't owed and I don't have it anyway because my account is overdrawn AGAIN.  He grabs the $23 out of my purse and takes it to the guy without asking, I now have no gas money until next Monday.  My light is on.  I had to borrow $5 today.

I was mad about all this occuring, but kept my emotions and temper in check and when he was saying how mad he was his friend would do this to him, I said it better not EVER happen again or everyone will be in jail and had I known who the guy was before he left I would have called the cops, he told me I was selfish and that he was the one who should be upset and not me.  I said I'm human, too and have emotions, am I not allowed to have emotions?  He said point blank... .NO, you are not.  I said, that's fine, I will become a robot then.  He told me not to smart off and I walked out.  He was trying to be nice the rest of the night before he left the visitation for the game and after he got home.  I pretty much ignored him.  Nail in the coffin, pretty much.

He thinks I'm stupid and believe his story.  Not so much.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi Lost,

This is really not good. How are you doing?

[Surnia]

Oh lost, this are bad news.

Taking the last money out of your purse against your will - how humiliating. 

About you and not allowed to have emotions: I think that is his reality. You are not allowed to have emotions who are different than his. You should be his robot that is what he wants.

Sounds like you have some plan, getting your ducks in a row?

[wishfulthinking]

Yes, taking off work to meet with lawyer on Thursday.  Going to ransack the truck (my SUV he drives since his truck isn't paid for 6 months now and up for repo, plus he never paid the taxes on it 2 years in a row... .nice what you find out after you are married, huh?) for my checkbook and if I don't find it I will close my account.  I'm shutting off the satellite since I can't afford it with the overdrafts, I will tell him the payment bounced so they shut me off.  He likes his TV. That will make him less comfortable there.  I'm going to make plans for Wed and Thursday so I don't have to be home in the evenings and basically until I get stuff settled I will distance myself.  If robots don't feel then I don't have to feel obligated to stay home and spend time with him.

I have moved most of all the important belongings out of the house right now (the few items my mom or grandma gave me and the 3 items that were salvagable from the fire my mom died in), so he can't destroy them.  The only item that would mean a lot is my TV.  I worked very hard to get it and I'm proud of the fact I was able to.  Yes, my grandma left me some inheritance, which I stupidly helped him pay over 6 grand in bills with, now I have nothing left, based on empty promises of helping with money.

[Surnia]

This are great steps, lost! 

I am sending you strength!

Keep us posted.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

You're doing great, Lost!

We're with you 100% 

[wishfulthinking]

Thanks, it's hard but I know something is necessary at this point.  I'm still furious he had a drug dealer come to the house.  I don't know this guy, he could have a gun and be strung out himself.  Maybe he would just start shooting, I have no idea what this guy is capable of.  My daughter's safety was compromised in my eyes.  This guy should not know where we live and I don't feel safe.  I'm sorry if it sounds as if I'm blowing it out of proportion, but this world is crazy anymore and especially when money and drugs are involved.  This guy had beat up the friend (according to the story) and that friend is the guy's uncle... .nice.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

I don't think you're overreacting at all. You're doing well in taking steps to protect yourself and your daughter.

Stay strong! 

[Suzn]

Good planning! 

I don't think you are over reacting either. Drug dealer in your house could be followed by police... ever watch Cops? Yeah, it happens. They don't ask who is innocent, they take everyone. (unless I missed that episode) Along with that, children are taken into protective custody and you get to go before a judge to plead the fact that you aren't involved and hope that he believes you.

Your family, here, hates to see false charges against our members. We are here for you Lost, I'm glad to see you taking care of you and your daughter.