I left But advice please on how to handle relatives.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello Everyone! Well, I'm 7 hours away from her. And NC! BUT I did look at my phone. Didn't listen to messages nor read text messages (except first 5 words which you see}. Anyway, 1 brother, 1 brother in law, 1 sister, & 1 sister in law have either texted or called (oh & of course her many many times). I haven't answered anyone & I don't want to. But these are folks that I've grown to know really well after 5 years. Just got back from a cruise w/ sister/bro in law, dinner & games several times a week w/ other sis & nieces & nephews, etc. In 5 years I've probably spent 6 months around them. I feel obligated to answer them. But, I don't want to! Any advice on how to handle this? Tomorrow I'll just totally shut phone off. I have another one with a number they don't know... .  Thanks!   zzz 

[hurtbyboderline]

Hello Everyone! Well, I'm 7 hours away from her. And NC! BUT I did look at my phone. Didn't listen to messages nor read text messages (except first 5 words which you see}. Anyway, 1 brother, 1 brother in law, 1 sister, & 1 sister in law have either texted or called (oh & of course her many many times). I haven't answered anyone & I don't want to. But these are folks that I've grown to know really well after 5 years. Just got back from a cruise w/ sister/bro in law, dinner & games several times a week w/ other sis & nieces & nephews, etc. In 5 years I've probably spent 6 months around them. I feel obligated to answer them. But, I don't want to! Any advice on how to handle this? Tomorrow I'll just totally shut phone off. I have another one with a number they don't know... .  Thanks!   zzz 

[Conundrum]

Perhaps the truth would suffice. State to them that the relationship has been disrespected in ways that are unacceptable you, and you need time to heal. If they press you for more details simply tell them that at present it's too painful to talk about. I would think that would cover the obligatory courtesies. Good luck.

[Reg]

Hi hurtbyboderline

Seems you made a hard decision, I know what it is, I've been there myself, as everyone on this part of the board has.

Question is, do you want to burn all of your bridges behind you or not ?  And do you value to keep her family as friends ?  This is a decision you have to make yourself !  Nobody can give you any good advice on the matter, as we don't fully know you situation adn possible band with her family members.

If you go for NC with your ex it is indeed a good thing to change your phone number.  But of course, when you react with the new number to someone of her family, the risk exists that they will give it to her.  Not easy to decide on that matter as well.

You could use the old phone indeed to tell them that it is finished, that you need time to heal etc as Conundrum said.  And that there will be no contact for some time.

But most importantly, do you now have any support in this journey ?

Reg

[hurtbyboderline]

Thank you Conundrum & Reg, I think the 'easy way out' in my head at the moment is to just not call any of them. Sort of like hiding under the blanket when we were kids? Anyway, there all really good people but I can't see myself having any real contact with them when I'm not w/ my EX. Their 1500 miles away so I wouldn't visit, in fact if I was traveling through town in the future probably wouldn't even stop. So I don't see any bridges that I'd burn that mean that much. I just feel it's the right thing to call 'em. Think I'll just give it some time & go from there. Call in a week or two & keep it really simple about it just not working. I'll just mention her being Borderline. I already have another phone with a new number but I'll call them on the old one. I just have to get numbers out of it (my on-line Verizon account won't pull them up). So I have that part covered. Still have to de-activate Facebook. I haven't been on it since I left. Hope she's not thrashing me! Yes, I have support in addition to you guys/gals. I see a Shrink that I've been seeing for +20 years & I'm a member of one an Anonymous groups! Have a sponsor plus several close buddy's that I go to for advice... .     zzz

[Lucky Jim]

Hey HBB,  You seem to be taking things in a calm but confident fashion, which I admire.  I like your idea of sitting with your feelings for a period of time before responding to calls and texts in knee-jerk fashion.  Of course she's thrashing you in your absence, but that's unimportant and you can't stop her anyway.  Stay true to your course!  Lucky Jim

[Clearmind]

I feel obligated to answer them. But, I don't want to! Any advice on how to handle this? Tomorrow I'll just totally shut phone off. I have another one with a number they don't know... .  Thanks!   zzz 

Obligation is something we need to deal with. Its completely natural to want some space and you deserve it.

Simple answer text “Appreciate your call, need a little bit of space right now – I will contact you soon”.

Don't respond to ex.