New Contact With Ex BPDgf

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi Everyone.

It has been a while since I posted here but I thought I would share a couple of things that recently occurred as I am still going through the detachment process.

First of all - 8 months of NC.  Exgf and I split after many recycles in Jan.  Exgf was able to get her ex-husband to take her in to make another go of it sort of. So she became his problem. 

Last week I got call from expbdgf from number I didn't recognize. I listened and was told she had just come from the psychiatrist's office and they had recommended she check herself in to a mental hospital. Apparently she is being run through a series of tests and the docs put her on abilify. She did the "you were right" blah blah thing with me... .which I have heard once before but with less drama this time.

Of course she is not happy living with her ex-husband and misses me and I am the only one who understands and loves her etc. etc. blah blah.  From my experience with her I get it that this is what she is feeling at the moment and so on.

It sounds like her situation has gotten worse than ever and she said that she has been even burning herself with cigarettes and cutting herself. She has even gotten herself into some type of quasi-criminal legal entanglement, which has costed her ex-husband a boatload of $ for lawyers and psych evals.  (sorry for him but glad it is not my problem).

As in the past I met up with her and spent some time with her and like before we seem to have a lot of physical attraction to each other.  There is a type of adrenaline or rush that I feel when I am around this woman in the early stages of recycles or whatever they are which makes me feel very alive. As we are two sides of the same coin I know the same goes for her but like any "high" when you come down it sucks big time.

The good news for me I suppose is that I am not feeling it like before and am in a good position to really keep her at arms length... .even if I decide to keep her in my life in some way. Right now she has made it clear she wants some kind of sexual rs with me or more. I know the routine and while it is nice she is actually getting a diagnosis (forced upon her it seems) any rational person would think an escalation of involvement with her could only end badly (like it always has).

At this time I am going to attempt to continue moving forward with my life but not shut her off... .try to keep it to minimal contact.

Wish me luck. Thanks for listening.

[nowwhatz]

Hi Everyone.

It has been a while since I posted here but I thought I would share a couple of things that recently occurred as I am still going through the detachment process.

First of all - 8 months of NC.  Exgf and I split after many recycles in Jan.  Exgf was able to get her ex-husband to take her in to make another go of it sort of. So she became his problem. 

Last week I got call from expbdgf from number I didn't recognize. I listened and was told she had just come from the psychiatrist's office and they had recommended she check herself in to a mental hospital. Apparently she is being run through a series of tests and the docs put her on abilify. She did the "you were right" blah blah thing with me... .which I have heard once before but with less drama this time.

Of course she is not happy living with her ex-husband and misses me and I am the only one who understands and loves her etc. etc. blah blah.  From my experience with her I get it that this is what she is feeling at the moment and so on.

It sounds like her situation has gotten worse than ever and she said that she has been even burning herself with cigarettes and cutting herself. She has even gotten herself into some type of quasi-criminal legal entanglement, which has costed her ex-husband a boatload of $ for lawyers and psych evals.  (sorry for him but glad it is not my problem).

As in the past I met up with her and spent some time with her and like before we seem to have a lot of physical attraction to each other.  There is a type of adrenaline or rush that I feel when I am around this woman in the early stages of recycles or whatever they are which makes me feel very alive. As we are two sides of the same coin I know the same goes for her but like any "high" when you come down it sucks big time.

The good news for me I suppose is that I am not feeling it like before and am in a good position to really keep her at arms length... .even if I decide to keep her in my life in some way. Right now she has made it clear she wants some kind of sexual rs with me or more. I know the routine and while it is nice she is actually getting a diagnosis (forced upon her it seems) any rational person would think an escalation of involvement with her could only end badly (like it always has).

At this time I am going to attempt to continue moving forward with my life but not shut her off... .try to keep it to minimal contact.

Wish me luck. Thanks for listening.

[happylogist]

nowwhatz,

well, good luck to you

do you have any rules for re-defining your boundaries?

[nowwhatz]

nowwhatz,

well, good luck to you

do you have any rules for re-defining your boundaries?

i plan on continuing to focus on myself and my family and job ... .stay within my more relaxed routine.  i easily get obsessed with things... .great for work but not so much in r/s ... .so a beautuful BPDgf was like the ultimate shiny object.   i am also a problem solver so a BPDgf is the ultimate challenge.

in a nutshelll for a person like me the woman is my kryptonite.

because she is with her ex and is in no position to get out for the near foreseeable future there are some ready made bondaries already in place.  she has no car and is really dependant on him.

maybe this will sound selfish but i am going to try to manage my communication with her to help me improve my horrible spanish language skills.  for instance when she calls or texts with her BPD routine i will try to reply in spanish or ask her for help... .turn the tables on the waif because i need rescuing from speaking such bad spanish

[Learning_curve74]

i easily get obsessed with things... .great for work but not so much in r/s ... .so a beautuful BPDgf was like the ultimate shiny object.   i am also a problem solver so a BPDgf is the ultimate challenge.

in a nutshelll for a person like me the woman is my kryptonite.

nowwhatz, you sound just like me! I get obsessed and "need" to understand or become an expert, and of course a pwBPD is the ultimate challenge for problem solvers like us!

Unlike you, my solution to the problem was to kick her out of my life. 

Other than the Spanish thing, what are you looking to get out of this? Just friendship? Somebody to chat with when you are lonely or need a distraction? I'm just curious.

[nowwhatz]

i easily get obsessed with things... .great for work but not so much in r/s ... .so a beautuful BPDgf was like the ultimate shiny object.   i am also a problem solver so a BPDgf is the ultimate challenge.

in a nutshelll for a person like me the woman is my kryptonite.

nowwhatz, you sound just like me! I get obsessed and "need" to understand or become an expert, and of course a pwBPD is the ultimate challenge for problem solvers like us!

Unlike you, my solution to the problem was to kick her out of my life.  

Other than the Spanish thing, what are you looking to get out of this? Just friendship? Somebody to chat with when you are lonely or need a distraction? I'm just curious.

Every milligram of reason I still possess tells me to do what you did and kick her out of my life forever.Unless I do that I know she will always be in and out and in and out of my life. At the end of the last recycle in Jan/Feb my T asked me what if she never contacts you again?  I could only laugh and say... .yeah right.   In a twilight zone moment last week I had a feeling she would try to contact me soon... .that same day she called a couple of times but I did not recognize the number and did not pick up or was busy and she left no message.

The truth is when she is in my life I feel very alive.

There are tangible things I can get out of it. Fun, great sex, having kind of a "trophy" on my arm, I can travel with her to interesting places like mexico or las vegas, somebody I can totally be myself with... .and an unsolvable puzzle to keep me distracted (and take my mind of my own problems).

Historically the price to feel alive and get these things has been very high... .once... .about a year ago I totally unraveled, which is documented here. I don't want to pay that price again.  

Now with a controlled environment in place I am hoping to just play it cool and play with my fire secretly and as infrequently as I can.

I have enough to keep me busy and other "normal" women in my life and great family, friends, exciting and interesting career, hobbies.

Be that as it may it is still not enough to compete with the feeling I get when this pwBPD is in my life.

Thanks for being here. I hope something in my experience can be helpful to somebody here.

[Ironmanrises]

i easily get obsessed with things... .great for work but not so much in r/s ... .so a beautuful BPDgf was like the ultimate shiny object.   i am also a problem solver so a BPDgf is the ultimate challenge.

in a nutshelll for a person like me the woman is my kryptonite.

nowwhatz, you sound just like me! I get obsessed and "need" to understand or become an expert, and of course a pwBPD is the ultimate challenge for problem solvers like us!

Unlike you, my solution to the problem was to kick her out of my life.  

Other than the Spanish thing, what are you looking to get out of this? Just friendship? Somebody to chat with when you are lonely or need a distraction? I'm just curious.

Every milligram of reason I still possess tells me to do what you did and kick her out of my life forever.Unless I do that I know she will always be in and out and in and out of my life. At the end of the last recycle in Jan/Feb my T asked me what if she never contacts you again?  I could only laugh and say... .yeah right.   In a twilight zone moment last week I had a feeling she would try to contact me soon... .that same day she called a couple of times but I did not recognize the number and did not pick up or was busy and she left no message.

The truth is when she is in my life I feel very alive.

There are tangible things I can get out of it. Fun, great sex, having kind of a "trophy" on my arm, I can travel with her to interesting places like mexico or las vegas, somebody I can totally be myself with... .and an unsolvable puzzle to keep me distracted (and take my mind of my own problems).

Historically the price to feel alive and get these things has been very high... .once... .about a year ago I totally unraveled, which is documented here. I don't want to pay that price again.  

Now with a controlled environment in place I am hoping to just play it cool and play with my fire secretly and as infrequently as I can.

I have enough to keep me busy and other "normal" women in my life and great family, friends, exciting and interesting career, hobbies.

Be that as it may it is still not enough to compete with the feeling I get when this pwBPD is in my life.

Thanks for being here. I hope something in my experience can be helpful to somebody here.

In bold and in italics.

I know exactly what you mean.

But that feeling... .

That feeling of feeling alive... .

Will be the very cause... .

Of your destruction.

My ex is my kryptonite too.

[nowwhatz]

In bold and in italics.

I know exactly what you mean.

But that feeling... .

That feeling of feeling alive... .

Will be the very cause... .

Of your destruction.

My ex is my kryptonite too.[/quote]
Very true ironman!

They got her on this abilify med now along with anti depressants. I think they are still running her through more tests but at least sounds like a serious effort to get a real diagnosis.

Me... .my T "fired" me to group last monday. Too bad for her she might be missing out on some new stories  

Sometimes it is best to laugh at myself.