mutual friends?

[whirlwind]

I am assuming that this topic has come up before but I didnt see it on the thread so, I will bring it up again.  I have some mutual friends with my ex.  I am having trouble not getting upset with my friends for keeping open the possibilities to be friends with someone who treated me so badly.  I have been 99% NC for the past 2 months.  I do still have a problem of doing some cyber-stalking and keeping tabs on him, but I am doing much better than I was before.  I still have some rage fits every now and again as well as some moments where I will tear up for a second.  But I want to know how to deal with the mutual friends thing.  I feel as though they are letting him get away with the pain he caused me by not challenging him on it in any way.  I feel like they are abandoning me.  I am referring to the people who know the details of the horrible things he did to me.

[Aussie0zborn]

You can't rely on others, only yourself.  We only had one mutual friend and that was my friend - he decided he would be a "mutual friend" which I felt was the wrong call so I left him to it. None of her friends ever considered themselves to be my friend or a mutual friend because of her smear campaign from day 1.

You might just weigh up the value of these mutual friends and keep them at the appropriate distance.  Keeping NC also means not getting information or cyberstalking.  When you get over the curiosity thing of "what are they doing now" you would have found your path to recovery. If you are looking for your mutual friends to vindicate you, you will more than likely be disappointed. Good luck in establishing full NC and maintaining it.

[starshine]

My ex and I don't have any mutual friends anymore.  Any that chose to hang out with him have eventually been weeded out.  I figure if someone is going to endorse such bulls**t and bad behaviors, then I really don't want to be in their friend circle anyways- I mean, with friends like that who needs enemies?  I also felt so hurt and abandoned by so many people, and felt that they were "double agents", taking my information and giving to my ex and his new woman (who had been a friend until their betrayal).  I feel emotionally safer without having mutual friends, for sure.

[Learning_curve74]

Mutual friends are in a tough spot. For me personally, some are closer to my exBPDgf than me, some closer to me, and some about equally close. Some chose sides, some did not.

whirlwind, I'm sorry to hear that you feel abandonded by the friends that don't seem to be supporting you. Sometimes the truth is too weird and strange that people can't fully believe it. Also it is uncomfortable for most people to get in somebody's face and call them on their bulls**t. How many of them know all the truth of what happened and how many believe it? It's hard to tell sometimes unless they actually tell you. Luckily I had a few tell me how badly she treats people in general, even one who had been worried about me for a while.

I let some of the mutual friends know how I felt, and some were very supportive, some not so much. It was very easy for me to be hurt by that, especially at a time where I was already feeling hurt. But I try and stick to the ones whose friendships I still value and not think too much of the other ones.