Equanimity

[dharmagems]

I am fairly far into recovery from my BPDxh.  I'm past a lot of understanding of the Borderline mental illness AND my own FOO dysfunctional teachings that kept me there.  I've dealt with much of my own issues regarding the lure of the caregiving of the BPD and then my own shame of the extreme devaluing phase from my x.  In the car driving, I was listening to Pema Chodron, Buddhist nun, and it brings me to my meditation practice.  She was talking about the lure of the positivity and the lure of the negativity to hook us into the situation, and we go into our mind, and not being there in the moment.  Remembering how the BPD acts was very extreme both ways.  One day he was my ideas of the perfect partner and the next, I was shaking in fear of his next reaction of rage and blame.  In the aftermath, this relationship taught me the valuable lesson of equanimity, and being steady in myself no matter what external circumstances come my way.  At least this, I know is a very valuable lesson.

[Lucky Jim]

Hi dharmagems, Yes, I agree this is an important point.  It's hard to put into practice, though, when one is under a constant barrage of devaluation and belittling, as I was with my Ex.  That voice inside my head became more of a whisper.  Now I strive to listen to my gut feelings as part of my new-found equanimity.  Lucky Jim