Forgot I was in this mess for awhile... Am I hallucinating?

[Tcast]

Today I went over to my ailing with my COPD suffering, long term on off on off gf to help her with her art project as promised. Before coming over I asked her if she wanted anything from the market. She said some potato chips.So I brought her some chips, did the artwork with her, and then before leaving I suggested we try  a few chips.

She gave me the familiar but forgotten  i've changed into her(Bpd) stare and said they weren't for me and I couldn't have any.

I was taken back and tired from a long work day so I said keep your chips and started to walk out to go home.She called out saying come back I stuffed my codependent pride went back and she said I had no right to walk out on her.Next thing she said leave now she wanted to be alone.I said not until things lighten up.She then brought up an incident from 10 years ago when I blew up and yelled  back at her after she was yelling  me me for not speaking loud enough to her in the car.I never lose my cool this bad but this time I really yelled CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!She was freaked out for sure.This was ten years ago and she was really going at me.To this day she says can't trust me although I've never touched or threatened  her ever.

After things mellowed(I've had experience here) we went for a walk with the dog and  after awhile she said she doesn't want to share with me because I always take too much but not to take it personally. I am I the one going insane here?

Earlier in the day I had just sold a 30 year old rusty car that she gave a few months back me and she said was glad I got it out of her hair.She is not hurting for money in the least nor am I.

I explained I would gladly buy two (or 20) bags  of chips so I could have as many as I wanted and she would never run out and could we just enjoy something as simple as a snack together?I  said I would gladly bring more tommorrow etc but it seems she wanted to berate me for not realizing or caring  how hard it is for her to shop with her COPD(she won't see a doctor btw)and she reminded  me that  she always  helps me like with the car etc.

You folks must know how it feels to have your guilt strings yanked this way.I've done nothing but offer to help her,shopping, anything, but she turned  this into a let's beat me up for wanting to leave before she had the chance to tell me to and add a little I don't share well for good measure. I need a place to run this stuff by clearer heads. I hope I'm not in the wrong topic.I love her but no not the irrational abusive side.

Btw when we got back from the walk she said I could have some chips... .I ate three.


I


anyway I averted the conflict and when things mellowed we went out for a 

[PrettyPlease]

So I brought her some chips, did the artwork with her, and then before leaving I suggested we try  a few chips.

She gave me the familiar but forgotten  i've changed into her(Bpd) stare and said they weren't for me and I couldn't have any.

Thanks Tcast, I needed that.  

It really is just so absurd, the whole BPD ball of wax. No, you're not hallucinating. And most of the time it doesn't feel funny at all.

I remember one time trying to hide a 350-lb roto-tiller in a back alleyway because uBPDgf didn't want her uncle to see it, for some typical ridiculous dysfunctional reason. I'm a little guy. It had to go down a flight of narrow concrete steps. Somehow I managed it. Only a few small flesh wounds.

Glad you got some chips. Remember, it could have been worse, she might not have given you any.    

But seriously now, I've just remembered that this is the undecided board. What, if she hadn't given you the chips, you'd leave?  Seems a bit drastic, don't you think?      

PP

[Tcast]

It never really feels funny when it's happening.I guess the question to ask here is should our boundaries regarding verbal abuse, guilt tripping, and control  be loosened up if someone is physically sick or does that not matter.

I don't like seeing my Bpd loved one gasping for air while  I'm trying to stand my ground in what I feel is plain abuse.Life throws it at us i'll tell you.

[PrettyPlease]

It never really feels funny when it's happening. I guess the question to ask here is should our boundaries regarding verbal abuse, guilt tripping, and control  be loosened up if someone is physically sick or does that not matter.

I don't like seeing my Bpd loved one gasping for air while I'm trying to stand my ground in what I feel is plain abuse. Life throws it at us I'll tell you.

All these statements nicely put. 

FWIW on your question: no, I don't think our boundaries should be loosened, but, we need to learn new tools for how we respond around those boundaries:  Stop The Bleeding and SET (Support, Empathy, Truth) can make what happens in the interaction much better. Less gasping, in my experience.   

PP