Triggered

[FollowingBliss]

Six months ago my husband left.  Life is so much better now, so why, WHY does the slightest mention of him make me feel sucker punched? 

[Lady31]

Hey FollowingBliss,

I hear you on that one.  I felt that way more earlier on, but I still try to protect myself from hearing anything about him.  It has gotten a lot better.

I definitely don't think it will always feel that way.  What about past serious relationships that you have gotten over?  If you heard something about their facebook page now would you still feel that way?  

I actually reached out to my exh's ex-wife toward the end of our marriage.  She was young when they got married, both their first marriages.  He treated her the same way he treated me.  She was devastated, and said that it felt as though he had broken her spirit.  She had contemplated suicide and went through a very dark depression.

She was fine hearing from me though - I was concerned it would upset her.  :)idn't bother her at all and she actually said that while she was sad for him that his life hasn't gotten any better (he's 40 now), it does give that validation that she made the right decision in leaving him.  I remember thinking, I WISH I was where she was right then.  Left him (I hadn't left yet), over him, and happily married with a life of adventure (that she was living out!).

Cool thing is - I WILL be where she was, and I am already MUCH closer to it than I was then.  And you will be there too.

[FollowingBliss]

Hello Lady31

Thanks for responding. I am doing much better; haven't thought about him in a while actually (this was our.  5th or 6th go around in the last dozen years). This last time he apologized for the pain he caused, and I really feel I got closure. Then I got blocked again on FB. No problem, life moved on (or so I thought) but I realize now it's only because I avoid him like the plague. I pretend he's dead.  Memories I can handle. Its the reminder of his continued existence I cannot; and I know this isn't healthy. Many of my exes are friends. No other past relationships trigger me this way.

[RecycledNoMore]

Ah, theBPD ex, the unwanted gift that just keeps on giving... .

Glad your doin better, hope I am as resolute as you in 6 months, to answer your question, I think because the BPD ex is like no other, sort of like taking an acid trip and not coming back to reality, they leave a big nasty stain on your being, one thats hard to scrub off, somebody just told me, " time heals all wounds" , id like to think also that " time, lifts all stains too."