Real life people triggers

[Breathing new air]

I am wondering if others find themselves triggered but people who display those traits that the the UBP mother does. I have found myself a a state of complete arousal and openly admit feeling the panic and out of control feeling I have around my mother when she over pours me after a couple of phone calls. I am finding myself much less tolerant of someone who bullies and uses gas lighting to get to an end result they want. I mean even with standing my ground and doing the CHILL during the situation. I find the afterwards unsettling. I don't feel this out of control feeling very often anymore and I don't like it.  After these particular conversations I found myself questioning my truth and what was right. The feeling of confusion and uncertainty is unnerving.  I know I am over reacting but right now I want to climb in a hole and not come out for a while. I found myself wanting to cry and feeling violated.

You have to deal with people like this in life. It is a sad fact. I have gone to such LC with my mother at this point for self preservation because this is her norm and I don't like the feeling.  But I feel like it has been a perfect storm today to trigger this in me. Now I am trying to honestly come down. Intellectually I know what I need to do but it is hard to switch the anxiety/heightened emotion off. I feel like anyone who did not grow up in the situation we did would not understand how very triggering it is and tell me I am over reacting.  But it is what it is. Any thoughts about this. I notice I am more sensitive to people who try to enforce their will on my, where as I never was before because I would just go with it. Anyway I don't know if it makes sense but it is becoming a struggle. Thanks

[GeekyGirl]

I am finding myself much less tolerant of someone who bullies and uses gas lighting to get to an end result they want.

I think even people who didn't have parents with BPD would find that kind of behavior irritating. For those of us who grew up with that behavior and get triggered by it, we may be more aware of it when we see it than others.

But it is what it is. Any thoughts about this. I notice I am more sensitive to people who try to enforce their will on my, where as I never was before because I would just go with it.

I've laid out boundaries for people that I've felt were imposing or bullying. I try to do it as gently and politely as I can, but I'm firm when I communicate my boundaries. SET (TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth) is great for that. What can you do to stand your ground?

[lucylou]

I understand you and often get triggered so you are definately not alone . Yesterday i was in a complete state of over arousal because of a woman at my daughters school. I reckon she may be a borderline but definately a passive aggressive because she has been invalidating me for the past couple of years  but it was only recently that i knew that is what it was. When i cottoned on i started distancing myself from her and now she seems to be stalking me.

Yesterday i got a text from her as she had got wind that i was having a difficult time. I was shaking with rage. I sent her off a text telling her to mind her own business and to stop gossiping about me and that i was aware that she had been invalidating me all the time. You can guess what she did next cant you? she turned it all back on me and acted all innocent gaslighting me and saying i got it all wrong and she was merely offering support. (YEAH RIGHT)Any one reading it would have said "God this woman is so paranoid she was only being a kind friend" she succeded in her ultimate goal which further angered me

She says she had heard via my own daughter  ( i am not 100percent convinced) about my problems because basically her daughter and my daughter are in the same class and apparantly my daughter has been telling her daughter everything.It seems since i distanced myself she has been using her daughter as an effective means of getting to know what is going on in my life. That ofcourse triggered me into thinking about my BPD MOM who i dont speak to. Anyway I feel its  disturbing and odd to behave like this .Why is she so obsessed with me and my life? Perhaps i am more amazing then i thought 

I was in a total state of humiliation betrayal you name it i felt it.I also crawled into the safety of my hole :P I hardly slept. Then i read your post this morning it was perfect timing i know EXACTLY how you are feeling and want to send you hugs

I wonder do you feel that they still have some power over you these kinds of people? and that then makes you feel victimised? or out of control?.

I felt victimized and angry at myself for letting her get to me and i also felt she still had the upper hand which further made me feel powerless. I often feel a deep anger for these types of people and the harm they have caused me and others.

I hope that maybe with time and strengthening ourselves we will be less and less effected by dysfunctional people. I wonder about doing an anger management course to help with these feelings. There may still be repressed anger towards emotional bullies inside of us. I dont know how you feel about that? I still struggle with co dependent issues and enmeshment with people maybe I also need to address this more .

I loved what you said about the intellectual part of you knowing what needs to be done but the emotional bit cant get it together. I am totally with you on that its not easy to nip these intense feelings in the bud. We WILL beat them with time and patience i am sure of it.  I keep repeating the affirmation " i only attract loving people into my life" and other such sentences. Im hoping that will keep the dysfunctional ones away I like the idea of law of attraction hehe  Somedays i want to scream at them all just get the hell away from me   I am seriously thinking of changing my daughters school just to get rid of her. Anyway i dont know what more to add other than you are not alone in this, i hope this has offered some support and i wish you well on the healing  path

[Breathing new air]

Yesterday, in retrospect, I can see what happened. I see the trigger. I had a woman tell me I was killing her son but doing an action. Another person willing to play dirty to get what she wants. This happened to be one of my mothers favorite tactics to get me back into line. Very effective when you have a brother that had die prior to you birth. I recognize it. And hopefully can learn to deal with these behaviors and recognize my triggers for what they are.

I think you are both right. We are hypersensitive now in RL to flea like behaviors.    Part of the reason I am trying so hard to learn to deal with it is because of the profession I work in. I do not have the luxury of stepping back. It is actually in my job description that I will work with this disorder. I work in the Mental Health field. Yesterday I have to admit I felt out of control when faced with those statements. I also recognize that it is a the holidays and have had more exposure to my FOO lately.  I am still working out how to limit contact with them and deal with the FOG aspects of that.  I  want to thank everyone for the support. Sometime I think it is more about making sure you are not crazy and finding support then it is about anything.  I am learning to stand my ground and I am actually proud of the way I handled a situation I could not get out of. But I needed to be able to regurgitate to someone so I could let the feelings go.

I am still learning to deal with emotions without stuffing them. Also trying to learn to train myself to step back and ask am I really in danger when my body tries to tell me I am from past experience.  My trigger was just a little old lady trying to help her son... .although after that conversation I had to think to myself no wonder he is what he is and says what he says.      Anyway, Thanks for the words of encouragement they were needed.