A Laundry List of Red Flags

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Thanks to everyone for the comments.

It's funny, after my first "dumping" I found BPD Family I immediately came to the leaving and detaching forum. I always assumed it was "the end" and I would never be re-engaged. I mean, when someone says they are going to issue a restraining order against you, that doesn't exactly scream, "I love you, don't leave me"!


I think the hardest part about being in a relationship with a BPD is the broken trust and emotional/physical attachments they form to other people. My ex is now dating a mutual friend (2 weeks after dumping me). I actually encouraged them to hang out because my ex is a loner and they got along well.  Wasn't counting on being replaced. .

In retrospect, I should have heeded all the red flags. There were so many how could I not see? What the hell was blinding me?

My BPD Ex-Red Flags

-Got pregnant at 17 with a married "older" man. Tricked him into leaving his wife and signing away his rights to the baby.

-Got pregnant with her 1st husband and "aborted" the baby after an argument. Husband tried to kill himself. Husband ended up cheating on her with his boss, getting the boss pregnant.

-Entered a lesbian relationship for 10yrs with a woman, *Tammy. Was not a sexual relationship but in her opinion, "very intimate".

-Got involved in drugs and hung around the wrong people (drug dealers). Dated a woman with a prison record who would dissapear and was deeply into crime.

-Was "rescued" by *Laura, a 400lb woman in a gay bar who kept her away from the drug dealers and helped her get her life together.

-Cheated on *Laura with her 1st ex, *Tammy.

-Left *Tammy for *Leanne who she met in an S and M group.

-*Laura and *Tammy hook up and my ex "steals" back her ex *Tammy from *Laura. Never speaks with *Laura again.

-Ex breaks up with *Tammy and ends up in a relationship with *Patricia.  *Patricia is described as gorgeous but insane. *Patricia rapes my ex.

-*Leanne, from the S and M group rescues my ex from *Patricia and they begin a life together in Minnesota.

-*Leanne's family does not like my ex and *Leanne's Aunt tells ex that her niece could "do much better".

-After an altercation where my ex's father pushes *Leanne, *Leanne dumps my ex and immediately enters a partnership for 10yrs with a woman named *Stacy.

-My ex moves to Wisconsin and meets a cop named *Lisa. They date for a little over a year. My ex buys Lisa a ring which she wears "upside down" when they are out. My ex believes *Lisa's friends thought she could do better and she was not physically fit enough to be partners. *Lisa dumps ex and gives back ring. To this day, there is a picture of *Lisa and her dog on my ex's FB page.

-Ex moves on to *Nancy, an friend of *Lisa's who is a prison psychiatrist (really IS, I looked her up)! They date for a little over a year and my ex loses her job during this time. Ex gambles her entire savings away and moves to Illinois.

-Ex and I begin to date. Ex tells me *Nancy is a "sex addict" and stalker she needed to move away from and get a restraining order against. Tells me she even changed her number.

-Two months into dating my ex, she is talking to *Nancy and telling me all the things she's telling her we are doing (places we are going etc). Doesn't dawn on me til later, isn't this the woman she blocked who was harassing her?

-Starts dumping me every three months and coming back. All of a sudden, her former partner from 10yrs ago is single (Leanne). Calls her her "best friend". Dumps me in June and runs to her, she is "the one that got away". Sleeps with her and runs back to me. I take her back again.

Other red flags 

-Was in a relationship with a woman and a man for two years.  Man ended up leaving the woman for her.

-Father was physically abusive. Family split due to a sexual incident.

-Parents were not present growing up. She lived with another family when she got pregnant.

-Has very few friends and keeps tab on all her exes on FB.

Most people would run if they heard this laundry list.  Me, I felt sorry. Me, who has had one serious relationship in 38yrs and a pretty normal and I would say extremely boring (Thank GOD) life opposed to this.

This seriously makes me wonder WHY? Why would I choose to be in a relationship like this in the first place.  I am really hoping this extensive therapy will help me. This is way too much drama for a lifetime (and ironically my ex thought I was too dramatic and she desired "calm"!

[Pretty Woman]

Thanks to everyone for the comments.

It's funny, after my first "dumping" I found BPD Family I immediately came to the leaving and detaching forum. I always assumed it was "the end" and I would never be re-engaged. I mean, when someone says they are going to issue a restraining order against you, that doesn't exactly scream, "I love you, don't leave me"!


I think the hardest part about being in a relationship with a BPD is the broken trust and emotional/physical attachments they form to other people. My ex is now dating a mutual friend (2 weeks after dumping me). I actually encouraged them to hang out because my ex is a loner and they got along well.  Wasn't counting on being replaced. .

In retrospect, I should have heeded all the red flags. There were so many how could I not see? What the hell was blinding me?

My BPD Ex-Red Flags

-Got pregnant at 17 with a married "older" man. Tricked him into leaving his wife and signing away his rights to the baby.

-Got pregnant with her 1st husband and "aborted" the baby after an argument. Husband tried to kill himself. Husband ended up cheating on her with his boss, getting the boss pregnant.

-Entered a lesbian relationship for 10yrs with a woman, *Tammy. Was not a sexual relationship but in her opinion, "very intimate".

-Got involved in drugs and hung around the wrong people (drug dealers). Dated a woman with a prison record who would dissapear and was deeply into crime.

-Was "rescued" by *Laura, a 400lb woman in a gay bar who kept her away from the drug dealers and helped her get her life together.

-Cheated on *Laura with her 1st ex, *Tammy.

-Left *Tammy for *Leanne who she met in an S and M group.

-*Laura and *Tammy hook up and my ex "steals" back her ex *Tammy from *Laura. Never speaks with *Laura again.

-Ex breaks up with *Tammy and ends up in a relationship with *Patricia.  *Patricia is described as gorgeous but insane. *Patricia rapes my ex.

-*Leanne, from the S and M group rescues my ex from *Patricia and they begin a life together in Minnesota.

-*Leanne's family does not like my ex and *Leanne's Aunt tells ex that her niece could "do much better".

-After an altercation where my ex's father pushes *Leanne, *Leanne dumps my ex and immediately enters a partnership for 10yrs with a woman named *Stacy.

-My ex moves to Wisconsin and meets a cop named *Lisa. They date for a little over a year. My ex buys Lisa a ring which she wears "upside down" when they are out. My ex believes *Lisa's friends thought she could do better and she was not physically fit enough to be partners. *Lisa dumps ex and gives back ring. To this day, there is a picture of *Lisa and her dog on my ex's FB page.

-Ex moves on to *Nancy, an friend of *Lisa's who is a prison psychiatrist (really IS, I looked her up)! They date for a little over a year and my ex loses her job during this time. Ex gambles her entire savings away and moves to Illinois.

-Ex and I begin to date. Ex tells me *Nancy is a "sex addict" and stalker she needed to move away from and get a restraining order against. Tells me she even changed her number.

-Two months into dating my ex, she is talking to *Nancy and telling me all the things she's telling her we are doing (places we are going etc). Doesn't dawn on me til later, isn't this the woman she blocked who was harassing her?

-Starts dumping me every three months and coming back. All of a sudden, her former partner from 10yrs ago is single (Leanne). Calls her her "best friend". Dumps me in June and runs to her, she is "the one that got away". Sleeps with her and runs back to me. I take her back again.

Other red flags 

-Was in a relationship with a woman and a man for two years.  Man ended up leaving the woman for her.

-Father was physically abusive. Family split due to a sexual incident.

-Parents were not present growing up. She lived with another family when she got pregnant.

-Has very few friends and keeps tab on all her exes on FB.

Most people would run if they heard this laundry list.  Me, I felt sorry. Me, who has had one serious relationship in 38yrs and a pretty normal and I would say extremely boring (Thank GOD) life opposed to this.

This seriously makes me wonder WHY? Why would I choose to be in a relationship like this in the first place.  I am really hoping this extensive therapy will help me. This is way too much drama for a lifetime (and ironically my ex thought I was too dramatic and she desired "calm"!

[fromheeltoheal]

What the hell was blinding me?

This seriously makes me wonder WHY? Why would I choose to be in a relationship like this in the first place. 

These are the most important questions we can ask.  And the motivation to ask them, dig for answers, process, grow, heal, is the gift we got from our borderline, borne out of pain.  Hallelujah!

[Learning_curve74]

Kudos to you, earth angel for taking the important step of looking into yourself for some answers. It's a brave and healthy thing to do.