Sister refuses being labled but she believes she has BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone, I don't even know where to start. My sister who is almost 60 has decided on her own that she has BPD. I think she might be right but refuses to be labeled. She was always the sensitive child and to all of us that's all it was. When she was 18 she married and had her first child with in months she was saying he was being mean to her but when the family asked what he was doing we would get answers like he wont help put up the Christmas tree or he makes my friend feel unwelcome when they visit, for 30 years we never heard he was actually physically, emotionally and sexually abusing her.

When she did start telling the family what he was actually doing we all begged her to divorce him & in with one of us.She always has a reason why she couldn't live with us. We took her to the court house to get a restraining order and have the police evict him, which they did but she moved him back in the same night. she has married him 3 times and is in the middle of her 3rd divorce.

Now instead of blaming her husband for the abuse it's everyone else's fault. She has been in therapy for years but is only getting worse. She refuse's to let any of her family go to counseling with her and has decided it's our 78 year old mothers fault that she is living like this. About 3 years ago she attacked our mother and has attacked me 3 times. Everytime I try to have a relationship with her it starts out great but then she starts her crap that I'm not validating her. She's not looking for validation she is looking for me to agree with her. I refuse to have her blame us, we have tried so many time to help her but instead of blaming her husband who did the abuse it's our fault.

Her children are adults now and they have told us she has attacked thier dad several times and they found a bedroom door taken off the hinges and found it hidden in the basement with stab wounds in it. I know she has done alot of things like this but I know she isn't telling her counselors. Even though they are divorcing again he is going to let her live with him because she hasn't been able to work for years and with out being diagnosed she can't get on disability. I just don't know what to do, none of us do. And if something isn't done soon one of them will kill the other in a rage. If anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them. Thanks for listening  

[bluemelon]

Hi everyone, I don't even know where to start. My sister who is almost 60 has decided on her own that she has BPD. I think she might be right but refuses to be labeled. She was always the sensitive child and to all of us that's all it was. When she was 18 she married and had her first child with in months she was saying he was being mean to her but when the family asked what he was doing we would get answers like he wont help put up the Christmas tree or he makes my friend feel unwelcome when they visit, for 30 years we never heard he was actually physically, emotionally and sexually abusing her.

When she did start telling the family what he was actually doing we all begged her to divorce him & in with one of us.She always has a reason why she couldn't live with us. We took her to the court house to get a restraining order and have the police evict him, which they did but she moved him back in the same night. she has married him 3 times and is in the middle of her 3rd divorce.

Now instead of blaming her husband for the abuse it's everyone else's fault. She has been in therapy for years but is only getting worse. She refuse's to let any of her family go to counseling with her and has decided it's our 78 year old mothers fault that she is living like this. About 3 years ago she attacked our mother and has attacked me 3 times. Everytime I try to have a relationship with her it starts out great but then she starts her crap that I'm not validating her. She's not looking for validation she is looking for me to agree with her. I refuse to have her blame us, we have tried so many time to help her but instead of blaming her husband who did the abuse it's our fault.

Her children are adults now and they have told us she has attacked thier dad several times and they found a bedroom door taken off the hinges and found it hidden in the basement with stab wounds in it. I know she has done alot of things like this but I know she isn't telling her counselors. Even though they are divorcing again he is going to let her live with him because she hasn't been able to work for years and with out being diagnosed she can't get on disability. I just don't know what to do, none of us do. And if something isn't done soon one of them will kill the other in a rage. If anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them. Thanks for listening  

[Hazelrah]

Hi bluemelon, and 

Wow, that is quite a bit of drama your sister seems to be causing for herself and your family.  It must be hard to watch a loved one find herself in such an awful relationship, yet on the other hand won't accept the help you and the rest of her loved ones have offered.  And while she may or may not be suffering from BPD, her actions are obviously extreme and frightening, so I can understand the confusion you must currently be feeling. 

It's curious how she would come to her own conclusion that she suffers from BPD, yet at the same time does not want to be 'labeled'.  Sometimes an accurate diagnosis can be the key to healing, if one is truly committed.  Is BPD something she has ever directly discussed with her counselors?   

Bluemelon, please know that you have come to an excellent place for resources on dealing with loved ones suffering from BPD, as well as gaining insight from other members who have experienced similar situations in their own lives.  Keep posting and telling us more of your story--we're glad that you've found us.

[Clearmind]

Labels can be scary. You type in BPD in google and for someone who already has a failing sense of self it can be soul destroying.

Its more helpful to everyone if the behaviours are of paramount important rather than the label.

All Borderlines are not alike and have different triggers and different ways of it manifesting.

How are you going right now? How is the relationship?