New member

[Dsr]

14yr old son BPD traits, dont want to officially diagnose due to age. At wits end, taking a toll on family

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, Dsr & 

I'm so sorry for the stress and trauma your family is going through with your son. It is not unusual for teenagers not to be diagnosed with BPD since their personalities are still being formed, but if he does have the traits related to BPD then what you can find on this site will certainly help you. Here is a good start: What can a parent do? (for parents of pwBPD)

What actually is going on with him? What brought you here today? We have many parents of children with BPD on this site that will understand exactly what you are going through and dealing with, and there really are good tools and techniques you can use to help make things better. And lots of information that can explain just how your son's mind works, and help you better understand him. Please tell us more, so we can guide you better, Dsr 

[MammaMia]

Dsr

Welcome to BPDF.  As Rapt Reader said, many of us have children or adult children with uBPD or dBPD.  Their behavior can be so difficult to deal with.  Please check out the link suggested because there are ways to communicate and set boundaries that may be helpful. Also, you may find comfort in viewing the message board for families with BPD children. Just remember you are not alone.  We are all here for you.

Your child is young and this is the time to get help.  Once they reach 18, there are legal constraints as to what a parent can do.  It sounds as if you have sought treatment but they are reluctant to diagnose.  This is not unusual.  Bpd is so complex that many doctors are reluctant to label it.  You may want to contact NAMI (the National Alliance for Mental Illness) to see if they have a chapter in your area.  They are a wonderful source of information and compassion.  The Family to Family Course does not deal specifically with BPD but mental illness as a whole.  They do have a course on BPD but unfortunately it is only in select areas of the country.  In order to deal with your child, you will need to know what to expect and I found them to be really helpful.  The Family to Family Course is free.

This site is an excellent source of information as well as compassion.  People here get exactly what you are dealing with and want to help. It is ok to vent as well... .we all do it.  Sometimes family and friends just do not understand what we are all dealing with.

I am so glad you found BPDF and we welcome you with open arms.  Please keep posting.