confused...

[Oracle]

  everyone

Well I am on this board as I am very confused, My upbdbf left me three weeks ago and actually moved far away. He took away all contact and I resigned myself to detaching and maintaining n/c.  I did really well but then last week he messaged me.  I feel that ignoring is rude and so we had a relatively okay conversation, nothing too heavy.  Then we had a major arguement and  I was accused of gaslighting and lying told me he f@@cking hated me etc, so I asked him to get me out of his life and block me.  Which he did.  Last night in a weak moment of being drunk I messaged him and apologised and hoped he was ok.  He left it til midnight to message me back saying that it was ok and that he was sorry too.  Then... .he told me he loved me? He told me that " I can't stop thinking that you are the one"

He said again "I still love you, don't do anything" to which I replied I felt the same and wouldn't/couldn't do anything.  Then he told me If I have he didn't care, he will be good I can do what I like and that he would encourage it? telling me he hopes I have been getting out there and having fun and that I should do it.

He said this to me throughout our r/s and is saying it again, I really don't understand when he says this. I do believe him when he says he has been good. ( maybe I shouldn't?)

What am I to make of these statements?

Oracle

[havana]

I was accused of gaslighting and lying told me he f@@cking hated me etc,

Focus on this part. He may very well love you but not in the way most people do.

[Changingman]

What can you say? Lost in translation? Are words linking up with actions?

Good luck

[MammaMia]

Oracle

Have you been recycled before?  Be very careful about contact.  As you have just seen... .his moods can change in a heartbeat.  PwBPD live in the moment.  They can promise the moon but the future to them is non-existent.

You have already been hurt, and the door has been opened for more of the same.

Are you willing to put yourself at risk again?

Only you know the answer to that question.

[Oracle]

@mamamia

The last three months have been the worst I have experienced, he stopped contact then messaged me over and over again usually within a couple of days, and he lived around the corner from me.  I was very confused  finally he left and moved away 180 miles away! Its so hard as I love him very much I just don't know what to do?

[MammaMia]

Oracle

Did he move away for work? 

I know how painful this must be for you, and I am sorry, but he is sending you mixed messages.  Just be careful.

Stay strong.

[Oracle]

mamamia

No he has never worked the whole time I was with him, he finds it hard to hold down a job.  He is staying with two friends and sleeping on the sofa, he told me in a message he has achieved his goal of putting on weight ( my fault)

Reckon I am being recycled I have heard nothing again!

Wow really hurts and I was very cautious when he messaged again

Grrr I hate this disorder!

[Changingman]

I hate this disorder, like a plague on loving people!