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Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
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From day 1 to day last
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Topic: From day 1 to day last (Read 419 times)
HarmKrakow
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1226
From day 1 to day last
«
on:
November 25, 2013, 07:48:47 AM »
My entire relationship with my BPD ex was a huge what the heck moment. From day 1 to day last.
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Ironmanrises
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1774
Re: From day 1 to day last
«
Reply #1 on:
November 25, 2013, 11:28:26 AM »
Same here, for me I would I have to include the entire friendship too. I saw the the same behavior(on a smaller scale and less intense) that I would end up experiencing full blast once it went into a relationship. It is best for me to refrain from all relationships(intimate) for an indefinite time period until I work on myself fully. Until I look at what is behind my choices, why I am repeating my choices, and how I learn to not keep doing this to myself.
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fromheeltoheal
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642
Re: From day 1 to day last
«
Reply #2 on:
November 25, 2013, 12:09:24 PM »
My borderline was very good at putting forth a very attractive, cheery facade, perfected over the decades to affect attachments, but the real girl underneath was very miserable and disordered. My downfall was I assumed the cheery gal was who she is, ignored signs to the contrary, and set about loving her and caring about her so that the cheery gal would surface and stay there full time. Ha! I was chasing a fantasy, but it was an awesome fantasy. We wake up when we wake up.
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TakingWingAtLast
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Relationship status: Moved out for good on Nov. 16, 2013.
Posts: 229
Re: From day 1 to day last
«
Reply #3 on:
November 25, 2013, 01:29:06 PM »
Couldn't agree more with that, HK!
Quote from: HarmKrakow on November 25, 2013, 07:48:47 AM
My entire relationship with my BPD ex was a huge what the heck moment. From day 1 to day last.
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Tryingnottoslip
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Ended 2011
Posts: 49
Re: From day 1 to day last
«
Reply #4 on:
November 25, 2013, 01:33:21 PM »
Hk-
YES. When I think back on it... .It all feels like a dream. It never existed, it was just a bad nightmare.
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RecycledNoMore
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 457
Re: From day 1 to day last
«
Reply #5 on:
November 26, 2013, 04:31:44 AM »
Quote from: Tryingnottoslip on November 25, 2013, 01:33:21 PM
Hk-
YES. When I think back on it... .It all feels like a dream. It never existed
ed, it was just a bad nightmare.
Thats what gets me the most, the terrible realisation that " we" never existed,all the pain the " love"all the effort it was all such a waste.
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fromheeltoheal
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642
Re: From day 1 to day last
«
Reply #6 on:
November 26, 2013, 12:43:30 PM »
Quote from: recycledNOmore on November 26, 2013, 04:31:44 AM
Thats what gets me the most, the terrible realisation that " we" never existed,all the pain the " love"all the effort it was all such a waste.
Yep, me too. So I say learning and growing, motivated by that pain, is the ultimate 'worth' of that relationship, and can prove invaluable, even though we never saw that gift going in.
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Pretty Woman
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1683
The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself
Re: From day 1 to day last
«
Reply #7 on:
November 26, 2013, 01:10:11 PM »
Me too. It was too inconsistant. I remember at the beginning, she got really angry at me over something very insignificant and I tried to justify and she got angrier.
I actually dumped her. She ran off with my key crying, begging me not to leave her.
I always forget about this moment because I was dumped everytime afterwards. She is very emotionally unstable and I need to keep this in mind.
I also need to remember the one time she got physical with me... .I got away and she sat on my couch in a disoriented state saying "I have frontal lobe issues. I have frontal lobe issues".
I wasn't sure what that meant. Again, I forget these things that were clearly an issue.
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frustrated b/f
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 147
Re: From day 1 to day last
«
Reply #8 on:
November 26, 2013, 01:20:18 PM »
I dated my uBPD ex g/f for four years while she was still married. I never really got to see her true self till after she divorced and we moved in together. In retrospect, I seen the red flags and hints but could not comprehend till we became really close
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Changingman
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Daughter 15, Son 14
Posts: 644
Re: From day 1 to day last
«
Reply #9 on:
November 26, 2013, 03:54:45 PM »
Quote from: frustrated b/f on November 26, 2013, 01:20:18 PM
I dated my uBPD ex g/f for four years while she was still married. I never really got to see her true self till after she divorced and we moved in together. In retrospect, I seen the red flags and hints but could not comprehend till we became really close
I totally agree, it's so hard to see, projection, gaslighting, idealisation, hypersexuality, etc such deception on this scale is... .mental, it's why people don't believe you really that she is mentally ill, that would be outside of peoples experience and would make the world... .different... .radically... .fundimentally. Too much. I accept my part in the RS BUT... .this kind of falsehood could and does happen all too frequently everyday. All around us. Waking up to a fundimental truth of life... .the misfiring of the brain, emotional stability... .abuse, bullying, enabling, power and weakness. Preditor and parasite.
Who would know? The abused when they wake up and therapists
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Changingman
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Daughter 15, Son 14
Posts: 644
Re: From day 1 to day last
«
Reply #10 on:
November 26, 2013, 03:56:52 PM »
Dating a married woman though... .pretty big flag that she is wrong.
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frustrated b/f
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 147
Re: From day 1 to day last
«
Reply #11 on:
November 26, 2013, 06:12:36 PM »
Quote from: Changingman on November 26, 2013, 03:56:52 PM
Dating a married woman though... .pretty big flag that she is wrong.
Totally agree. I often blamed myself for what I ended up with. At one point, I truly felt the BPD r/s was divine punishment for dating a married women.
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