Who are they?

[nodoover]

Who are these BPD people? If they aren't the angry rage filled person that can come out, and they aren't the over the top you are god to them person... .they who are they?

i try so hard to stay above the fray and it always hits me unaware, some how I always manage to let my guard down and then the next bad time happens.

Today I left the house for a one hour gym class in a good mood because we both woke up in a good mood, had a good time with friends last night, made plans to go to movies today and run fun errands... .

Then I come home and bam... .Mr Monster is out... .in full rage... .trapping into a conversation that is a lose/lose.  Where I have to agree with him or I am not on his side.  But agreeing with him means hiring a $250/hr lawyer and suing our contractor, something we should have done years ago but trusted the guy to fix the problem, he delayed, we let him and now we are over the time limit.

My husband who already can't handle any sort of problems has overblown this one to full rage and hate of contractor like he planned all along to do us wrong.  I know the guy, I think he honestly couldn't get the subs to fix the problem and couldn't afford to do himself.  He should have been honest and said that, we should have pushed him sooner but that is our part of the situation.

And after threats like I am leaving if you don't listen to me, my going upstairs to get away, being followed this time, and finally saying, you may not want to hear this but I think because of time we will lose the case even though we are right.  Its our fault for waiting.

But of course he can't hear that, I am now at fault because I am not on his side.

I finally got him to settle down by saying I will cancel our vacation to pay for it, something I wanted to do not him.

So on way home from movies many hours later in a town 40 min away, he starts conversation again when he has me trapped in car.  When we finally stopped at Safeway in our town he looked at me like why was I upset?  I said, I don't appreciate being trapped and threatened in a car to hear what I am told I have to agree to. I know we are suppose to give in to BPD and agree but I pay the bills or we would be bankrupt and I am not about to waste money we don't even have on lawyer who will gladly tell him we have a chance to get our money.

We have a guy coming tomorrow to give estimate on fixing the tile in our bathrooms, both are cracking and our house is only 7 1/2 yrs old but law says you must file a suit before 7 yrs.  My BPD husband plans to tell the guy after he gives estimate what was done to us.

We are in small town and this is best guy who is honest.  I told husband maybe he won't want to get in middle of this mess, I am willing to forgo my vacation and just pay for it and learn a tough lesson about delaying things.

How do you guys handle tough problems with BPD person?  I am barely treading water with the small stuff blowing up, big stuff is like crazy time.

I almost lost my cool completely tonight, he sucked me in good because of the money.

i am just soo tired of this.  After a lifetime of drama with my ex and family I actually because of how overly good it was at beginning with BPD husband thought I was going to finally have a calm good life and now its almost like my entire life of hard times was training for this, but it makes me sick.

If I was younger and had money or even working (we retired early) I would be gone, but I would be destitute if I left and so I try to make it and the good times keep me here. If it was all like today I would be insane by now.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ryyder]

I saw your post and just wanted you to know you are not alone.

I'm just starting on my own journey so I'm not much help at the moment but thought the validation tools on the right sidebar -----------> might be of use to you https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913190#msg913190

Good luck

[waverider]

Sorry to hear you are having so rough no matter what you do at times you just can't avoid rough times.

I will just pick up on this comment

I know we are suppose to give in to BPD and agree but I pay the bills or we would be bankrupt and I am not about to waste money we don't even have on lawyer who will gladly tell him we have a chance to get our money.

You dont have give in and agree, just state your view as you see it, then dont waste your energy trying to sell it to someone who is not in the mood to buy it.

Often this stuff blows over and reality kicks in and a lot of the big talk and threats die away. By engaging you can turn impulsive threats into something more substantial just out of spite to prove they can't be told what to do.

As for your original question "who are they?"... They dont even know, that is at the root of the problem.

[Mono No Aware]

They are the pwBPD, or persons with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Putting the (ahem, normal relationship) expectation of "stable personality" onto them is pretty much taping Kick Me signs to your heart and brain.

I read so many posts and threads here that are lengthy details of the same overall pattern that we Nons experience all the time: he/she was fine and everything was great... .and then something triggered their emotional dysregulation and everything went awful.

They are still the same person. There's no Jekyll/Hyde action here, they are still the person you wish to Stay with and Improve the relationship that their Disorder's dysregulation is damaging. The only changes are their runaway emotional episodes.