Feeling Wonderful

[peacebaby]

It's been two weeks exactly since my exBPDso of 12 years moved out and I am still feeling wonderful.    Most folks in Leaving are not feeling wonderful, so I'm thinking perhaps I should celebrate here instead. I figure I did most of my mourning while still in the relationship, because now I feel so free. Living without her insanity in my home is blissful. I think about missing her but I just don't. 

I've known for a long time that I got into this relationship to try to save my father and his BPD wife, even though he was dead by that point. I tried so hard to save my partner, and I did get her to a better place in life, but then I realized it was me that needed saving, so I did that. I saved myself and thus did what my father could not.

My life is getting back on track and it feels good. Thank you for reading. 

[Rose Tiger]

There is comfort in knowing you did everything you possibly could to save the relationship.  It means leaving without the guilt of maybe I should of tried "X" or "Y", maybe I should of stuck it out a bit longer.  None of that, and it's ok to shut the door knowing you helped another person as much as possible and knowing it's time to move on.

[peacebaby]

There is comfort in knowing you did everything you possibly could to save the relationship.  It means leaving without the guilt of maybe I should of tried "X" or "Y", maybe I should of stuck it out a bit longer.  None of that, and it's ok to shut the door knowing you helped another person as much as possible and knowing it's time to move on.

Thanks, Rose Tiger! I helped her WAY more than enough to satisfy myself and WAY more than was healthy. The better things got, the better I wanted them to be. Staying with her was only hurting us both.

Now I get to think about myself and my issues, something that relationship helped me avoid in ever so many ways. I've been practicing being not-codependent with my roommate and it's going quite well. 

[Surnia]

Hi peacebaby

I can so relate, separation / leaving was similar for me, a big big relief and a bit like new born. It was difficult to decide and after that my life took a big turn.

What can I say else than: Enjoy it. 

[peacebaby]

Thanks, Surnia!

For a while, I kept thinking that after all I'd been through it would be great if something good happened. Little did I know it would be the end of my relationship! I can't stop just thinking about how great it all is in so many ways on so many levels.

Saw her today and it was no big deal. I think I may actually no longer be in love with her, which is kind of amazing, after loving her so long even while she was being abusive on so many levels. It's like she moved out of our apartment and the spell was broken. I feel normal again, like myself, even around her.

Very proud of myself. And of her, but mostly of myself.