Twisting words & seeing nastiness in things you say. What's your story?

[Diana82]

So, I recently had a huge fallout with my exUBPD. I had simply asked her a question (that was direct but not at all nasty) asking her why she had avoided me a few months ago before I had gone overseas on vacation.

She had basically decided to ditch me and flaked on me completely after we had been dating. Then when I got home from vacation she said she randomly said she misses me. I was confused so I asked the question... .

She lashed out at me saying I had "jumped to conclusions and say things that cut".  And she then accused me of calling her a "bipolar junkie" which she had actually called herself a month earlier as a joke. I had merely referred to HER joke... rather than call her this. So she twisted it completely. 

I tried to call her to clear this up as I was concerned she thought I had said this! (something I would never say) and also apologise for coming across 'direct' in my facebook message. I ended up leaving a message.

She lashed out again (but over text and didn't call me back) and told me my tone makes her feel 'terrible' and that I regularly insult her and make her feel like crap. I was thinking huh 

She also told me my apology was nasty and again told me my words and tone make her feel terrible and like she's doing something wrong. She also told me I make her act defensively and have a knack for finding her insecurities.  It was such an extreme reaction I've never experienced from anyone.

She had to see flaws in my apology... .she couldn't accept it with grace.

Does this sound familiar?

[Sadsue]

My husband also twists my words and hears something totally different to what I say, last night I sent him a text asking what he wanted for tea?  I have now been accused of being controlling, what he heard and these are his words was "you will be home at 7.00 and you will sit here and eat with me".  The other week when he got home from work I said" would you like to watch a film babe".  He heard, again his words "you WILL sit next to me and you WILL watch a film with me". 

I just don't understand why he does this?  I am now at the stage where I can't ever ask him even a simple question without him seeing it as controlling, or taking it as an order, I'm sure I'm not the only wife who last night asked her husband what he would like for tea?  Yet it triggered him, he didn't speak to me at all last night, he went straight into his man cave and I was left sitting alone, in tears wondering how such a simple everyday question could be taken this was, talk about walking on eggshells !

OP I don't have any advice but you are not alone, twisting what you say is a major part of this disorder.

[eatonsangel]

my bf always twists words constantly and the u try to correct it starts world war, sometimes I feel I should constantly have a dictator with me to record him, when he's not twisting stuff its being made up... .its tiring when he tells others his words rather than yours alas leaving you to look a right ... .

[maxsterling]

This is a pretty regular occurrence.  And it doesn't even have to be words that get twisted - it could be actions or facial expressions.  If I have the "wrong" facial expression she will accuse me of being angry when I am not.  Or, I may get up to get a drink or use the restroom, and she will accuse me of ignoring her.  Sometimes she will vent negative comment after negative comment about herself, her life, and the world in general, and if I don't validate her within 15 seconds, she accuses me of being controlling and giving her the silent treatment. 

[Pretty Woman]

Word twisting... .classic BPD.

For the longest time I thought I was going crazy. How could I communicate effectively with everyone BUT this person? That made no sense. So the more I tried the more "threatening" it was to her. It actually made me hostile I couldn't get through to her... .

and I suspect I was one of very few ex's that even knows about BPD.

[maxen]

this certainly happened to me. one example of many: we were going somewhere and she was to drive over to meet me at a place mid-block. to save her the need to drive down the block and then having to circle around again, i went up to the corner. in the car she started crying that by coming up to meet her i was saying she was incompetent somehow. i though i was being polite? she also made a general comment that i "only tolerated" some of her behaviors, like drinking to the point of passing out. i was to love everything, even the destructive stuff, and by doing otherwise i was hurting her.

It actually made me hostile I couldn't get through to her... .

this also happened to me and i hated getting that way. it was also a big reason she cited for leaving. (my reaction was the problem, you see, nothing she did.) this has contributed significantly to my FOG, because i really did get bent out of shape in frustration. it's a thing i've had to practice forgiving myself for. my T has had to point out again and again that i had a right to get angry and that getting angry occasionally is part of any relationship. i've read that pwBPD however can't absorb that their SOs can have moods and still love them through it.