how to start the healing

[blur]

Hi yall. I've had NC with my BPD wife for 6 months. The marriage is most likely over. I couldn't continue having my daughter and I living in abuse, so we left.

   How does one go from NC and a world of pain that was our marriage to starting any healing? She knows she has problems but will not discuss fixing them. If I mention our seeing a therapist she changes the subject and usually starts a fight.  I want my family to be happy and healthy and I feel like a total loser that it came to separation  and NC.

   I've read that we as nons shouldn't bring up NPD/BPD. But if I don't just spit it out I feel the real issues would never be addressed. Any thoughts of how to move forward?

How far does one go until having to accept that there will be no change,like it or lump it. As I write this I realize I'm probably still "in the FOG" as obligation and guilt are present. Thanks for reading and for any help/opinions.

[Surnia]

Hi blur

6 month NC is quite some time. I feel for you, facing a probably shattered marriage is painful. 

About seing a therapist for both: We usually don't recommend it here, and if, only after both partners doing individual T first. And we cannot bring someone else to T if he/she is not willing.  :'(

I would recommend you to think about starting T for yourself. I did this after 3 horrible sessions couple counseling with my now divorced H. it was one of the best decisions I did lately.

How is your daughter dealing with the situation?

[dontknow2]

Blur,

I am so sorry. I can't imagine the pain following 6 months NC with a marriage and kids.

After living with years of abuse, I had to get therapy to heal my emotional wounds. Until then, I wasn't really able to see and explain the process to others but especially my ex. Although I am not in therapy for my ex (because I need it!), I feel this was the required first step before my ex would even consider getting help himself. In some ways, it was putting money where my mouth was. That said, he only went to a couple of sessions and is not in therapy now... .ugh. In the end, it was enough to peak curiosity but not enough to keep him in. He has to uncover his own reasons, whatever they are!, why he needs therapy.

It is hard enough to live normally much less heal, worry about your wife, and raise a daughter on your own. Take care of yourself