I'm not crazy afterall

[redkong]

I just found out that my uBPDexgf has been officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  That was actually what I thought was the issue at first, but as I did research online and talked with my T, I learned that her symptoms, cycle times, behaviors, history, etc are really much closer to BPD.  Actually, my T thought she might very well have both bipolar and BPD - a double whammy.  I've heard that some docs are reluctant to give an official BPD diagnosis due to insurance coverage issues and social stigma, so they use a covered similar diagnosis like bipolar, or they just diagnose the covered condition when more than one is present.  Is that correct?  :)oes anyone know?

Honestly, I'm so relieved to learn of this diagnosis for selfish reasons.  It's not that I've been hoping she really is ill (or that I'm glad she really is), but more that I have sometimes wondered if it was all me since nobody else ever seemed to see the sides of her I saw.  Like many people on these boards, I wondered if I was the one with problems, as things were so skillfully projected onto me at times.  I am still firmly convinced (as much as I can be as a layperson) that she has BPD, but even knowing she has bipolar tells me that I wasn't imagining things.

I'm not crazy afterall!

[TakingWingAtLast]

Redkong,

My expwBPDgf was also diagnosed bipolar and is undiagnosed with BPD.  The differences cross over, but basically, bipolar has longer periods of mania and longer periods of depression.  BPD is associated with very fast, sometimes daily, changes and they are often associated with the feelings at that moment.  Here's a link to help you appreciate the differences:

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201003/three-easy-ways-differentiate-bipolar-and-borderline-disorders

It's not an exhaustive comparison, but I'm guessing that it may suffice.

D

[redkong]

Thanks TWAL.  I'm pretty familiar with the differences as I've done a ton of research.  One of the things that moved me from my initial suspicion of bipolar to BPD was my ex's rapid swings or cycles.  What I'm wondering is whether it's common for misdiagnosis, either due to lack of familiarity by the doc, or due to insurance issues. 

Regardless, I hope she gets the help she needs, and I am relieved that I can slough off most or all of the crazy-making stuff she's put on me.  Through our r/s, she always asserted how stable and balanced she was/is, and how any roller coaster must be due to me.  I was pretty sure that wasn't true, but now I'm certain.  I still think she has BPD instead of (or perhaps in addition to) bipolar, and I hope her doc figures this out or already knows.

[nevertheless]

I can remember the first time he came over to my house. He Drove12 hours all night in the snow.a normal person would be tired. On no it's the middle of the night he gets here and sleeps about a hour then is in the front room playing his guitar. Are you kidding my why are you not tired and sleeping? Then he goes all day, almost like in a non stop talking hiper 4 year old. Back then I thought this is not normal. But he was so nice so into me and my family. So I put it out of my mind maybe this will pass. On no this behavior of none stop no sleep go go never stopped. Finally after a melt Dow last month he went to the doctor and was diagnosed with bipolar and A DVD and now BPD UGggg I'm glad he is getting help ,but the last 3 year have been crazy I thought I was going crazy today he loves me so much he Pickens up and swings me around yelling I Love you I love you my princesses. Then in a flip of the switch now for not answering a text right away I'm a bhit. Thank God I am off the crazy rollercoaster and to think I almost married him.

[TakingWingAtLast]

Nevertheless, 

Here's a song called Red Rubber Ball by Cyrkle.   It has hit home to me as someone who is leaving the craziness of pwBPD.  Your comment about a roller coaster made me think to post it here. 

Enjoy!

D

I should have known you'd bid me farewell

There's a lesson to be learned from this and I learned it very well

Now I know you're not the only starfish in the sea

If I never hear your name again, it's all the same to me

And I think it's gonna be all right

Yeah, the worst is over now

The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball

You never care for secrets I confide

For you I'm just an ornament, somethin' for your pride

Always runnin', never carin', that's the life you live

Stolen minutes of your time were all ya had to give

And I think it's gonna be all right

Yeah, the worst is over now

The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball

The story's in the past with nothin' to recall

I've got my life to live and I don't need you at all

The roller-coaster ride we took is nearly at an end

I bought my ticket with my tears, that's all I'm gonna spend

And I think it's gonna be all right

Yeah, the worst is over now

The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball

Oh, oh, oh

I think it's gonna be all right

Yeah, the worst is over now

The mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball

[heartandwhole]

redkong,

This might help: Why are therapists hesitant to give a BPD diagnosis?

 

[redkong]

HandW,

Yes, very helpful - thank you!

[LilMissSunshine]

Thanks TWAL.  I'm always looking for music to help put things into perspective and this song made me smile... .first (hopefully not the last) smile of the day. 

[nevertheless]

Great song I hadn't hear that one before. Think I may make it my theme song smile

[TakingWingAtLast]

Great song I hadn't hear that one before. Think I may make it my theme song smile

Nevertheless:  It IS my theme song.   Anytime I get down, I sing it as loud as I can while bawling my eyes out!  Repeat until I've worked through the pain and grief.  Seriously, it HAS worked like a charm.  On Saturday, I think I repeated it about 35 times.   Lol

D

[Lucky Jim]

Hey redkong, No, you're not crazy, and No, you weren't imagining things.  Those w/BPD are very good at isolating us Nons to the point that it's possible for us to lose perspective on reality.  My BPDxW was very convincing, in her own distorted way, and an expert at manipulation, to which I was quite susceptible.  So it took a long time for me to understand that something was seriously amiss and take myself out of an unhealthy situation.  BPD and bipolar, in my view, have some similar characteristics and sometimes may be hard to tell apart and some people, like your Ex, might present symptoms from both disorders.  Hang in there, Lucky Jim