Happy and sad that NC worked so quickly...

[Depression = 72% of members]

I left my high functioning exwBPD a little over a week ago. Went NC.

I've managed not to look much at all for anything from her. She had so many extinction bursts every time I stepped-down the relationship that I'm a bit shocked that it seems like she has given up so easily.

But of course that's a good thing for me... .It hasn't been so long yet. She seems far more interested in scouring our communications for excuses to publicly smear me, in subtle ways.

Has this happened to anyone else? You get out and the frantic efforts to reconnect subside quickly? And then for a bizarre reason you're disappointed?

In a lot of ways she is not free culturally to pursue a new relationship for a loong time. At least not publicly. So I'm not entirely sure where the other arm of the triangle is pointing.

[Confuzzled34]

I left my high functioning exwBPD a little over a week ago. Went NC.

I've managed not to look much at all for anything from her. She had so many extinction bursts every time I stepped-down the relationship that I'm a bit shocked that it seems like she has given up so easily.

But of course that's a good thing for me... .It hasn't been so long yet. She seems far more interested in scouring our communications for excuses to publicly smear me, in subtle ways.

Has this happened to anyone else? You get out and the frantic efforts to reconnect subside quickly? And then for a bizarre reason you're disappointed?

In a lot of ways she is not free culturally to pursue a new relationship for a loong time. At least not publicly. So I'm not entirely sure where the other arm of the triangle is pointing.

[Slowlybutsurely]

It ain't over till it's over. And it's not over, I guarantee you.  Gird your loins and prepare for battle. 

[fromheeltoheal]

You're right, it hasn't been so long yet.  Yes, it was a letdown when mine stopped trying to contact me; a relationship like that is like an addiction, we know it's bad and destructive, but we keep going back, chasing that feeling, and when its gone, it's depressing.  The entire relationship was full of mixed feelings, which made it crazymaking for me and why I got lost.

Anyway, remember someone with the disorder thinks in black and white with no gray, like a child.  She either loves you or she hates you and that can flop from one to the other quickly.  If she's feeling bad, having a bad day, you may pop up on her radar as someone who can make her feel better, so she may try, that has nothing to do with you, and there is no standard timeframe.

The best thing you can do is start shifting the focus from her to you.  :)etachment is a process, and if yours is anything like mine, it was all about her all the time, so detachment includes taking yourself back, taking your self back.  You're probably going to think about her and the past a great deal, but consciously start to focus on a bright future without her in it, and start working towards creating it, one foot in front of the other.  Take care of you!

[LilMissSunshine]

They're right Confuzled.  I think this has happened to all of us.  I'm only several weeks out N/C and I feel the disappointment.  I'll always feel the disappointment or maybe its confusion.  It's because we (nons) aren't capable of rationalizing on their level; we are not on the same "wave length"; would never, under normal circumstance, walk away from the person we loved.  Of course, the non closure has a lot to do with it too.  Like our wise friends here say, "it's part of their game".

Stay on the boards.  I'm new too and can't tell you how grateful I am to have access to this invaluable support and wisdom from those who "know".

[chuckstrong]

Heeltoheal you are 100% correct... .I've reread your post a few times and you nailed it on all fronts... .I am now 6 weeks NC after never going more than 13 days since the last breakup 15 months ago... .so I feel the emptiness and disappointment as well even tho I knew for the past year the constant contact was killing me... .I haven't seen her in 6 months today( she out of the blue sexted me that day on June 15 and I ran back into her arms and bed ----even running out of gas in my car on the way there)----and 3 days later she texted " we cant do this. im so sorry. i sucked you in only to spit you out again"... .And, now I haven't heard from her in over a month and a half---- my last communication being a sweet text I sent her and a card I mailed her that she never bothered to even respond to. We were getting along great I had hope again and poof she was gone. It hurts and makes no sense but I need to fight thru it. I have never experienced such unadulterated agony at the end of a relationship in my life  (this is worse than my divorce from my wife of 19 years) and we (me and my pwBPD) were together only a year. They have a way of making the honeymoon/idealization stage so over the top intoxicating that the withdrawal when they take it away is agonizing. So, take it from me NC is the ONLY way to recover from this even tho it hurts too. Given the available choices its for the best I believe. Good luck you guys and God bless you all... .Chuck   

[fromheeltoheal]

"we cant do this. im so sorry. i sucked you in only to spit you out again"

Surprising amount of disclosure from someone with the disorder; that message is clear, and so is the right course of action: save yourself.

They have a way of making the honeymoon/idealization stage so over the top intoxicating that the withdrawal when they take it away is agonizing. So, take it from me NC is the ONLY way to recover from this even tho it hurts too. Given the available choices its for the best I believe.

There's the addiction, and as with any addiction, the best path is complete abstinence.  Your mind and body will scream, but the first day is the worst and it only gets easier.

[Cardinals in Flight]

It ain't over till it's over. And it's not over, I guarantee you.  Gird your loins and prepare for battle. 

I was told that we cannot be friends, (after I ended the "friendship", she told me she wanted to pursue others knowing it would hurt me terribly.  I can say with certain confidence I will not hear a word ever again.  This is the longest episode in the three years I have known her, I am quite sure it is O.V.E.R.  It feels over, maybe cuz I said so? 

CiF

[stronger123]

Hi after reading all these posts... .I can tell you from my current experience amd I cant believe im saying this 9 month s down the line but no contact is the best method to get your self to the full recovery, it is very hard, hurtful, you feel lost, emptyness etc... but u have to think of yourself now... .its mot about your otjer half with BPD its now about u and what u want out from.life.

Its been 9 months for me with no contact... .well hes txt in that time amd rang me up back in july begging for me to takr him bk but he admitted cheating on me.

Which is why I left our marriage!

I .currently in a new realstionship now, which is totally dofferent and normal in which I happy

in. H knows im in new relationship as he had to txt me and tell me he now knows... .tjat was about 2 months ago.

. Last week ive had 2x phone calls witheld number bit he wont talk toe just silence untill I hang up the phone.

. Does any one think this will conti ue increase?