this is too hard

[Depression = 72% of members]

ok.  So, I def found out today my ex of 14 years has a replacement.  That was quick, which makes me believe that he was always there- waiting.  it hurts so bad.  I am so angry right now.  I don't want to break contact.

She told my mom that she wants to have an amicable rs for the rest of our lives bc of our son (this is a woman she hated a month ago, and my son she rarely lets me see).

She wants me to go over there on x mas morning to watch my son open presents from santa. awkward

She is also coming to my sisters's house at noon with my son.

I don't know what to do about those two situations.  I am really contemplating setting boundries where the only way I will talk to her now and in the future is if my son has an emergency situation.

Other than that I want her to have a miserable life.  Is this wrong to feel this way... .so much hate?  It's gotta be.  Is it certain that these people will bring their havoc into future realtionships?  Or do they somehow, wake up, and say "whoa, that was pretty crazy, I don't want to ride that ride again!"?

[arn131arn]

ok.  So, I def found out today my ex of 14 years has a replacement.  That was quick, which makes me believe that he was always there- waiting.  it hurts so bad.  I am so angry right now.  I don't want to break contact.

She told my mom that she wants to have an amicable rs for the rest of our lives bc of our son (this is a woman she hated a month ago, and my son she rarely lets me see).

She wants me to go over there on x mas morning to watch my son open presents from santa. awkward

She is also coming to my sisters's house at noon with my son.

I don't know what to do about those two situations.  I am really contemplating setting boundries where the only way I will talk to her now and in the future is if my son has an emergency situation.

Other than that I want her to have a miserable life.  Is this wrong to feel this way... .so much hate?  It's gotta be.  Is it certain that these people will bring their havoc into future realtionships?  Or do they somehow, wake up, and say "whoa, that was pretty crazy, I don't want to ride that ride again!"?

[Moonie75]

Arn, buddy... .I'm I'm utterly convinced their behaviour gets worse as they go through more partners. I mentioned this in another thread. I've spoken to several people who've known my ex for a long time. It's clear beyond doubt that her relationship behaviour has reached new heights relationship after relationship.

I suspect that guilt, shame, regret loss etc, that they don't process drives this?

The more 'bad deeds' they're carrying the more they hate themselves. So all the more that must be projected onto new partner!

Believe me man, we had it worse than previous guy, and next guy's gonna face worse than we did my friend.

[arn131arn]

Thanks Moonie.  Don't think it's right, but that's where I am right now... .I just want her to suffer.  I hope that's not the case forever, but where I am at right now.

As for x mas... .she doesn't even exist to me.  She can go to my sister's.  I will give my son the presents santa left him at my house.  And I WILL let my son take the damn things back to her sister's house (where she is currently living) bc they are HIS presents and I'm not going to act like her and say where he can and cannot take his stuff... .f her

[arn131arn]

Moonie, was your ex a high functioning BPD?  Waif?

[Moonie75]

High functioning in the sense she didn't self harm, no suicide threats, no drug habits & doesn't really drink more than most people. She's very active, can't sit still & obsessive about swimming every other day. Has held same job down for 15 years!

On flip side... .She's not high functioning enough for people to not see there's something not right after knowing her a while. Women seem to spot it much sooner than men. But I think that's because she tries harder around men!

[Surnia]

Hi arn

Your life is really like a stormy sea right now. There is so much going on. 

And because of your son you cannot just decide to go NC for a longer while... .

How is your son dealing with all this?

[Moonie75]

You do what YOU want mate!

You previously mentioned you two have recycled 100 times or something like that many... .My history is multiple break up/make up 1 or 2 days capers, and two full break ups lasting 2-3 months.

After so many recycles what's different about this one? Her behaviour different? Your attitude different? Or something else making this one different?

[arn131arn]

Hi arn

Your life is really like a stormy sea right now. There is so much going on. 

And because of your son you cannot just decide to go NC for a longer while... .

How is your son dealing with all this?

I am ironing out visitation before the new year.  My son is okay.  I go to all his games and see him for the 2 hours a week she allows me to.

Her dad is completely pissed off about this bc he knows she needs to  give him to me overnight and on weekends and a night a week and all that.

So I can make those arrangements and NEVER have to speak to her again

[arn131arn]

You do what YOU want mate!

You previously mentioned you two have recycled 100 times or something like that many... .My history is multiple break up/make up 1 or 2 days capers, and two full break ups lasting 2-3 months.

After so many recycles what's different about this one? Her behaviour different? Your attitude different? Or something else making this one different?

Yeah my behavior was really diff this time.  I went evil on her and started saying some things she will NEVER forgive me for.

I know she is starting seeing someone else, something I haven't seen in a long time.  I guess since before our son (8) years ago.

  I am different... .for sure... .fed up with this mental torture. 

And she has told EVERYONE it was over... .except me... .