I didn't say good night...

[sadinnc98]

Sounds trivial, but that is HUGE for me. I always, always, always text him "good night" no matter if he is on/off/dark/sad/ignoring, etc... .I just always do. It was my thing. I sat there last night for a good hour contemplating... then i got on FB and saw him doing the messaging BS with the skank I know he is messing with on the side and just said forget it. I am worth so much more than that so I decided not to do it. Of course I didn't really sleep because I was so upset over it and wondering if I hurt him.I have heard almost nothing from him in 3 days... .how can you be in a r/s with someone for 18 mos and they treat you as if you don't exist... its so abnormal and strange... I know I have to say NC... I just know NYE is going to kill me tomorrow-I am already dreading how bad its going to feel not dressing up and going out with him  :'( :'(

[arn131arn]

sad,

I know where you are right now.  A week before x mas, I was there too.

Post, post, post.  Post everything, yell, scream, cry, hate, rationalize, seek truth, but sit on your hands if you want to reach out to them.  Talk to the people on this site.  Hell, send people you know that are online private messages if you need to talk to someone.

It does get better, I have 100+ posts since joining this site a little over a week ago.  It has been my lifeline.  You DO deserve better.  We all do.  We don't want to be the ones who try to save/fix them.  Because we already have... .

Arn  

[fromheeltoheal]

I can relate sad; I'm sorry you're going through that, it's very painful. 

My ex used to call me every morning with "Good morning sunshine!"  The first morning she didn't do that was wrenchingly painful, and it took a while to be OK waking up knowing the call wouldn't come.  As we build a relationship certain rituals become very important, more important than we realize sometimes, and stopping those, extracting ourselves from them, letting go of something that meant the world to us at one time, really hurts.  When all we want to do is love and be loved back, symbols of that love take on great meaning, and not doing them symbolizes the death of a relationship, sad. 

Then again, if I look at the whole relationship, I notice myself hanging on to the good things, stuck in hope, when there was so much crap that went along with it.  I needed to remind myself that after the "Good morning sunshine", later in the relationship, the conversation would be all about her and her challenges, the project for the day, or she'd start complaining, belittling, disrespecting, all the rest, me back on my heels trying to figure out how to get back to "Good morning sunshine" with that gleam in her voice, like life is good and we're happy.  Not gonna happen.

So now "Good morning sunshine" has become a mantra of sorts, I say it to myself, because it has come to represent the awesome future I'm creating for myself, with a gal I'm yet to meet who is grateful to have me in her life and the sun never sets.

BTW, he's treating you like you don't exist because he's repressing what's going on emotionally and using the skank as a distraction.  But in the quiet times when those emotions come bubbling up, he'll get really busy distorting his reality to make himself right, or rage at her, manifestations of the hurt.  Better to do it our way, work through the stages and emotions of grieving the relationship, so we can come out the other side healthier, wiser and healed, that much better for the next relationship with someone healthier.  Take care of you!

[babyspook]

Mine used to text me often with "Thinking of you".  Actually, I was the one who coined that phrase with her initally... .so she mirrored me and started doing it on her own along with little hearts and kisses... .you get the picture.  I loved getting those spontaneous messages from her throughout the day.  I felt like I was her one and only.  But eventually, those nice little messages stopped coming in and I knew something was about to happen in the near future. 

[sirensong65]

Again, the BPD's seem to get handed out the book with their club card... they all do the same thing... .Amazing.

Babe, I know where you are in all of this.  I sit in sunny Florida in the same boat.  Just change the names and faces and they all could be the same person.  Isn't that sad?  We are all loving and have personalities that are unique and different and US.  They are like a bunch off robots rolling off the conveyer belt.

I used to get hose texts too.  All that adoration, attention, they walk on water in the beginning.  But I also remember that about 4 months in the romance stopped, the trying ended on his end.  And I now know it ended LONG before I got the memo for him.  And if only that superficial, summer romance, making out behind the gym in high school love is all that he is capable of, I don't want it. 

There will come a day when they will be old and unattractive.  The honey won't be there to attract the bees.  And he will be getting his diaper changed by an hourly worker that ain't got time for it.  That's where his dad is now.  All his ugly deeds done to his mother have come home to roost.

I was the girl that would have pureed his navy beans and wiped his ass in old age.  There wasn't a lot I wouldn't have done for him.  And THAT didn't do it for him.  Sad.

[patientandclear]

Good for you sadinnc.  You acted with self respect & respect for the r/s you intended to have.  Always the right choice.

If you hurt him, that's excellent.  Sorry to be blunt.  Not in a revenge way, but in a "natural consequences" kind of way.  If he does what he's doing, he doesn't continue to get the good things from you.  Otherwise, how will he ever realize that there is a cost to his choices?