What is the Hook?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Why are pwBPD so addicting?  I know there is not a simple answer but I cannot really put my finger on it.  I am 4 months out and recovering really well but I still have lapses where I just need a fix.  I don't ever act on them.  What the Hell is wrong with me?

[Waifed]

Why are pwBPD so addicting?  I know there is not a simple answer but I cannot really put my finger on it.  I am 4 months out and recovering really well but I still have lapses where I just need a fix.  I don't ever act on them.  What the Hell is wrong with me?

[Turkish]

Why are pwBPD so addicting?  I know there is not a simple answer but I cannot really put my finger on it.  I am 4 months out and recovering really well but I still have lapses where I just need a fix.  I don't ever act on them.  What the Hell is wrong with me?

You've been around a while, Waifed, so I'm sure you've read the piece on Love/Sex addition, which describes a lot of BPDs (it did mine... .and I think we've established that our Exes are similar). Could it be that we have our own form of Love Addiction Lite?

I still deal with my need, lurking in the background, of how easy it would be to "rescue" another waif... ."All too easy."

[BorderlineMagnet]

I'm 9 months out and still feel the same way. With me she was so much of what I always wanted, and we were so good together in every way that it's hard to come to grips that she's broken, and it can never be. She has not made a serious effort to get in contact with me outside of a few blank emails, but I'm afraid that if she ever did get serious I would be too weak and would need another fix. The BPDex before her was so mean and crazy I've had no problem rejecting all her attempts for a recycle, but my last one... .Still has her hooks in my heart.

[LilMissSunshine]

I don't think we are addicted, we were just duped into falling in love with someone who wasn't real.  By the time you see the bad side of them it's too late.  They've already stolen your heart.  Maybe the fix you speak of relates to validation.  Validation that you are a wonderful person.  There is nothing the "hell" wrong with you waifed.  You were abused by someone you loved.  :'(  Me too, and yet I still love and miss him.

[UnLuckyLady]

 I think, at least for me, that it was the way that he seemed to love me unconditionally.  I mean the man was in love with my toes even.  Would just gaze at me so lovingly.  :)id anything in the world that I asked.  I have never, I mean NEVER had that type of attention displayed on me in my life.  THAT. That is what I am missing and feel like I would do anything for again.  Thankfully, he has a replacement and I do have enough dignity to not pursue him.  But  I'm honestly scared to death I will never have that again.  A aunt of mine said "don't be sad it's over, be happy it even happened".  I call bullshyte.  I would be in such a different place had I never met him.  :'(

[Waifed]

Thanks Turkish, BMagnet, LMS & UnLuckyLady

I definitely think I have fear of abandonment and engulfment issues and a love addiction thing going on (at least until my past 4 months of therapy).  I still have little interest in dating (none really) and I finally have realized that I don't have to be in a relationship to be happy.  Things have been going so well until my brother told me he saw my ex in the grocery store (by my house!, what the heck).  My mind has been trying to convince itself that a recycle would be OK.  I totally know better but it is so damn hard.  

There are so many things that I can point to that make my addiction stand out.  I was her caretaker and really enjoyed it.   I think the one thing that really stands out though is that because of all the games, etc. I never really thought she was mine (she wasn't obviously, she was probably half the city's!).  That drive to secure her for 3 years took its toll on me and I hate losing, especially to someone I thought loved me (I didn't know about BPD).  It is all so cruel.  What did we do so wrong to end up with this craziness in our lives?  I think part of me subconsciously does not want to get into another relationship in hopes that I can fix her.  It is so messed up.  I know that I need to move on but I just can't get over the last hurdle.  My depression has lifted after a year (thanks to her and her games) and I am feeling really great, actually looking forward to the future.  One last thing to correct and its a mountain to overcome!  

[Waifed]

I think, at least for me, that it was the way that he seemed to love me unconditionally.  I mean the man was in love with my toes even.  Would just gaze at me so lovingly.  :)id anything in the world that I asked.  I have never, I mean NEVER had that type of attention displayed on me in my life.  THAT. That is what I am missing and feel like I would do anything for again.  Thankfully, he has a replacement and I do have enough dignity to not pursue him.  But  I'm honestly scared to death I will never have that again.  A aunt of mine said "don't be sad it's over, be happy it even happened".  I call bullshyte.  I would be in such a different place had I never met him.  :'(

I forgot about this!  She was so into me when we were together it was intoxicating.  How can they treat you like you are their world and then turn around and cheat on you.  Sickos

[damage control]

That last hurdle is a big one Waifed ... .how do we ever reconcile the promises, attention and adoration that we received with the bland world that awaits? To get to where 'we' are 'OK' is all that we can ask now? ... .letting go of that last bit of magic is tough ... .

[Waifed]

I don't think we are addicted, we were just duped into falling in love with someone who wasn't real.  By the time you see the bad side of them it's too late.  They've already stolen your heart.  Maybe the fix you speak of relates to validation.  Validation that you are a wonderful person.  There is nothing the "hell" wrong with you waifed.  You were abused by someone you loved.  :'(  Me too, and yet I still love and miss him.

Thanks, LMS

Thankfully I have begun to get my self esteem back.  It is such a great feeling  I don't know that I well ever totally be over her.  It is still early but I am still scared to run into her and it is just a matter of time before she comes calling I am sure.  

[Pearl55]

Waifed

They are so addictive because of our addiction issues from our childhoods. We fell in love with the mirror of our self image because they are copycats. The person we fell in love doesn't EXCIST. Normally borderlines control most of our movements, what we said,... .We interpret these as a sign of love (attention).

Why she is able to cheat? Because you were only an object in her life and she became emotionally detached from you not long after your marriage! They want to be in a relationship, doesn't matter who with! To be honest with you, you've been lucky some of them take hostages and won't ever leave, even trap financially their victims and torcher them and enjoy it. That happend to me.  To be short, their emotions and feelings are very different to us.

[fromheeltoheal]

I say it's because psychically a borderline needs an attachment, a reenactment of that childhood bond she never detached from, and has been trying to get back there ever since.  So while 'normal' adults look for a partnership between two autonomous people, a borderline looks to attach to someone to form one person with no boundary between, subconsciously of course.  :)ue to that driving need, a borderline uses mirroring and all the tools to worm their way into our psyche in a way an autonomous individual wouldn't, and if we're susceptible, grew up wondering if we were loved for example, or convinced we weren't, it creates an intoxicating bond that hurts like hell when it's retracted.  Preachin' to the choir.  But what an opportunity to address issues we didn't know we had!

[Perfidy]

Because they do something for the fu€ked up part of our brains.

[Waifed]

Because they do something for the fu€ked up part of our brains.

Ding! Ding! I think we have a winner!