here's what I did today

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

As usual, got up at 730  (thank youD1, for finally sleeping in past 7!), took care of kids. She slept on the couch, as usual, trying to rest as kids were being themselves. She got up after 9, saying she was going for a run to get out her frustration from not getting much sleep. I was up until 3am, drank a lot of beer, and still got up, not frustrated, and did my duty as a parent, because the kids should not suffer from my behavior and choices.

She got back over an hour later, I helped get the kds ready to go out with her. They left before noon, got back at 8. I'm still being weird not seeing my kids all day, but that is the new reality I am learning to embrace. We were cordial and got the kids to bed with little more than the usual toddler drama... .

Installed new battery on bike, after they left, went for a pure pleasure ride for the first time in years. Looked at a map, picked a body of water and roads close by I'd never been on. Go!

Soo relaxing. Trying to find my balance again after not riding for so long, metaphorically too. One lane road, fantastic views, almost no traffic, which was surpising considering where I live. Pulled of the road and chain smoked until the sun descended over the western hill, still providing comforting, quiet light. Took some photos, waved at the few bikes, bicyles and motorists that passed by. Most acknowledged me with a wave or a nod. There are decent people out there.

I'm a lifelong rider. I'm also a lifelong Turkish, as I was before her, and will be after. I'll find that balance, knowing it may be wobbly at first. I expect that, but muscle memory is easily retrained. Our hearts are muscles too, an are capable of getting strong again. We will take back what is ours, remember who we are, and we will be ok. I promise that to myself and all of you. Fear fear and nothing else.

We will survive.

We already are.

[Turkish]

As usual, got up at 730  (thank youD1, for finally sleeping in past 7!), took care of kids. She slept on the couch, as usual, trying to rest as kids were being themselves. She got up after 9, saying she was going for a run to get out her frustration from not getting much sleep. I was up until 3am, drank a lot of beer, and still got up, not frustrated, and did my duty as a parent, because the kids should not suffer from my behavior and choices.

She got back over an hour later, I helped get the kds ready to go out with her. They left before noon, got back at 8. I'm still being weird not seeing my kids all day, but that is the new reality I am learning to embrace. We were cordial and got the kids to bed with little more than the usual toddler drama... .

Installed new battery on bike, after they left, went for a pure pleasure ride for the first time in years. Looked at a map, picked a body of water and roads close by I'd never been on. Go!

Soo relaxing. Trying to find my balance again after not riding for so long, metaphorically too. One lane road, fantastic views, almost no traffic, which was surpising considering where I live. Pulled of the road and chain smoked until the sun descended over the western hill, still providing comforting, quiet light. Took some photos, waved at the few bikes, bicyles and motorists that passed by. Most acknowledged me with a wave or a nod. There are decent people out there.

I'm a lifelong rider. I'm also a lifelong Turkish, as I was before her, and will be after. I'll find that balance, knowing it may be wobbly at first. I expect that, but muscle memory is easily retrained. Our hearts are muscles too, an are capable of getting strong again. We will take back what is ours, remember who we are, and we will be ok. I promise that to myself and all of you. Fear fear and nothing else.

We will survive.

We already are.

[Perfidy]

FTW brother.

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

Well said Turkish. Well said.

May you have many many more strong rides physically and metaphorically.

[santa]

That's awesome, Turkish.

Sounds like a great Saturday. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.

You've got to have a little fun every now and then!

[arn131arn]

Turkish, u want to go bowling? Now that's what I need to start doing! Thanks, Arn

[free-n-clear]

  Cool, Turkish. Now that I'm not draggin' the dead weight (in financial terms) that I have been for the last two years, I should finally be able to afford to overhaul my old 750/4. Can't wait for that freedom of the road.   

[heartandwhole]

What a beautiful description, Turkish, I felt like I was there.   

Indeed, we will not only get through this, but we'll come out better and stronger.

Thanks for sharing. 

[allweareisallweare]

Bowling! What is sad is that as we crawl from the twisted wreck - alive, as we are - of BPD and the crash, we are dazed and confused. I just wish I could meet you guys, just to have a good chat, we could go cycling, bowling, catch a game, even do DIY together... . Ah, the world is massive but feels so small! Glad we have BPD family... . , sometimes you have to experience something to understand in life, and we all have.

Turkish, glad you got out and about. The chill and cold is keeping me indoors and the rain too - my new year's resolution is to get out with the binoculars, since birdwatching is my passion - tomorrow, definitely.