What a weekend

[Starlight607]

I went NC before Christmas, only to receive texts, a xmas card and then after xmas a string of texts saying how my ex BPD BF felt we still wanted the same things, what did I want and how nothing had changed. He also said he wanted to accept and learn from his mistakes. I had no clue what he was really saying so I did break NC but stayed very non committal and vague in my responses and only allowed myself three responses before I stopped.

I then met up with his ex wife who absolutely hates him. We have been in contact mutually for over a month now. She hates him more than I do I think. They were married for 6 years but the last year was in name only and he started his affair with an old married work colleague during this time. She knew but did not confront him as she just wanted him out of the house and out of her life. She and I have had several good chats exorcising him from our minds. However this last time I did suggest we talk about other things now and don't waste any more breath on him which she agreed.

Two days ago out of the blue he asked me for coffee. Stupidly I felt sorry for him and decided to go and meet him. I lasted five minutes. Within five minutes he started to put me down so I said I did not have to listen to him doing that and left. I then received a barrage of insulting e mails accusing me of sabotaging his relationship with his family because I talk to his ex wife and his father is incandescent with rage at me. His ex wife broke off contact with his parents because they kept trying to persuade her to allow her son (by her previous relationship) to see my ex BPD BF. She absolutely won't allow this as she claims he was horrible to her son throughout the marriage because he was jealous of her attention to her son and he kept responding with "I am not a family man and never wanted children" in the rows they had about his behaviour towards her son. This has put a strain on his own relationship with his mother as she doted on the son as the nearest she would come to a grandchild. The ex wife's parents also told his parents how awful he had been during the marriage to their daughter and his mother did take the side of her daughter in law for a very long time. It has taken him ages to feel comfortable with his parents and I do feel sorry for him here as he tries so hard to cultivate the perfect family bond. I do wonder if this is where some of his issues have stemmed but I don't like to analyse too much. The whole situation surrounding his ex wife and her relationship with his parents blew up when I was dating my ex BPD BF and caused a lot of upset. But his ex wife was adamant that contact had to stop because his parents gave my ex BPD BF the mobile number of the son against the ex wife's wishes. The word she uses to describe her feelings towards my ex BPD BF is "loathe" so you can see how she feels. He made her life a misery. So my being in contact has just made him extremely angry and I have had the full brunt of this over the last 24 hours. He even said I have to accept that things change and yet previously only days ago he was saying nothing has changed. I know not to even go there with him because he won't remember and contradicts himself all the time.

I do not know if he has really told his parents I am in contact with his ex. I find it very hard to imagine that is the case and suspect he is paranoid his relationship with his mum will be threatened again and I certainly have no desire to do that. He is a prolific liar so who knows what is the truth. However he has told me it is none of my business to get involved and I am stirring everything up again. However nothing has happened. Nothing has changed. His ex wife still feels as she did before I met up with her. Her family have said nothing to his parents and we have been in contact for over a month. I am so upset by once more being at the hands of his abuse and menacing threats because I only contacted her as we both wanted to meet and we both agree being in a relationship with a borderline is hard for others who are not to understand so talking about our experiences with him have helped us both.

He typically accepts no responsibility for anything. He does not understand why we would want to talk. He thinks I am a trouble maker.

I will go NC again even when he makes contact as I know he will. However I am just so upset by all the nastiness I have had hurled at me this weekend and wish I was stronger deep down as I am so good at bravado on the surface. I hate seeing how angry he is and how he makes sure he hur6ts you as much as he can.

Starlight