Always Confused

[seh77]

 Ok, so I had a nice long run with my dBPDgf with no really major arguments until now.  So last week I had vertigo while at work. (I've never had it before)  I got home and stayed in bed because I was still very upset to my stomach.  Anyways my gf thought that we could have sex.  I told her I wasn't feeling well that I love her and very much would like to but I just can't.  I could tell that wasn't what she wanted to hear.  So throughout the week I had to hear how all these other ppl were gorgeous and how she would love to ummm (fill in the blank) 

So we flash fwd to the weekend.  Well she is in a way that she can’t have it now and kept making the comment that wouldn’t it be nice ect… I told her I have no problem waiting.  That I could wait for her that it’s well worth it.  Well she is now mad at me.  She says I shrugged my shoulders and that was disrespectful and hateful.  WTH?   And now I am getting the “Do you understand how close I am to being done with this whole thing” She is always threatening me with that.  I just am so tired of this.  I am beginning to wonder if I should even make the effort anymore.

I am afraid that anyway I respond will be wrong.  I am TIRED of arguing about everything she thinks I have done wrong.  That’s the ONLY time we get into an argument.   :'(

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[letmeout]

By reading these boards, you already know that you are in a no-win situation. The choice to remain in OZ is yours... .

[seh77]

I know the choice is mine. When she isn't on this kick she is the funniest most caring person I know.  But the moods are killing me. 

I'm just feeling down right now. 

I told her how I felt and that I am not arguing with her.

[Stamp]

 

Really, really hard to get through.  My uBPD partner similarly will go off on something that she perceives that I did, and bang! the temper goes.  Also threatening that she's thinking of ending the relationship etc.  I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot prevent her from having these episodes, and I don't blame myself anymore for having 'said the wrong thing'.  When she's off, it's really hard to remember why I stay with her, in some ways I think it would be so much easier if she were always screaming and accusing me, then I would just get up and go.  But she also has a kind, generous, sensitive side, she can be warm and loving and caring and funny, and we have the best times together.  Be kind to yourself and know that it's not you.  Hang in there!

[letmeout]

Mine had periods of acting really sane and normal, which is what kept me with mine for 35 yrs.

Unfortunately as my ex got older biologically, he emotionally got younger, and it was one constant temper tantrum after another. Along with constant jealousy, paranoia and raging, there was no rationalization at all.

Living with that 24/7 got to me as there were no breaks in the weather anymore. I had to retire from the r/s (ok,... . I ran like hell and never looked back).  Word of advice, when you leave take your possessions with you, the abandoned one will insure that you never see your stuff again, at least in one piece.   

[Grey Kitty]

You can't make her be reasonable when she wants to go off on you.

All you can do is disengage when she does it. Just leave the conversation when it turns to what you have done wrong.

If you need more inspiration/ideas, we have a workshop on how to end circular arguments in the lessons.