Was the goin up worth the comin down?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

You know for me, thinking about my relationship journey both seriously & with a sense of humor, I think it probably was!

My journey through the last three years has given me 'highs' I've never experienced before, and of course 'lows' of equal intensity. Yes the coming down really is a hard heavy one... . But i guess to balance how high i felt in the beginning, to reset my emotional equilibrium, the come down needs to be equally & proportionally epic!

I honestly do feel the extent to which i got high on love, life, lust & passion, is equal to how low the 'comin down' took me!

My mind & heart went to places so high that I'd never experienced before... . I don't think I'll ever go back there... . But I'm kind of glad I experienced it all the same!

Nobody made me take the BPD relationship drug. I volunteered myself to become a junkie. I own that!



So yes for me the goin up was worth the comin down. But I aint goin back there no more!

Some will agree, some will be horrified... . But that is my truth!

[Moonie75]

You know for me, thinking about my relationship journey both seriously & with a sense of humor, I think it probably was!

My journey through the last three years has given me 'highs' I've never experienced before, and of course 'lows' of equal intensity. Yes the coming down really is a hard heavy one... . But i guess to balance how high i felt in the beginning, to reset my emotional equilibrium, the come down needs to be equally & proportionally epic!

I honestly do feel the extent to which i got high on love, life, lust & passion, is equal to how low the 'comin down' took me!

My mind & heart went to places so high that I'd never experienced before... . I don't think I'll ever go back there... . But I'm kind of glad I experienced it all the same!

Nobody made me take the BPD relationship drug. I volunteered myself to become a junkie. I own that!



So yes for me the goin up was worth the comin down. But I aint goin back there no more!

Some will agree, some will be horrified... . But that is my truth!

[sun seeker]

 I agree...

The high was amazing and the low was/ is horrible... . I too am greatful for the experience... . I loved and lost and learned a great deal. I thank my xdBPDgf for helping me become a better man... . in hind sight with out this experiance, I wouldn't have figured out so soon that I needed some self repairs. And now im free to have a better healthier life... .   good post Moonie

[Moonie75]

Sun Seeker,

When we climbed on top of our respective angels, we bared our a$$'s to the devil!

So ya know what mate, we were always going to end up with a sore a$$ weren't we!



Don't give up on yer dreams man, or they might give up on you!  

Moonie.

[brokenbutalive]

Good question but for me, to be honest, no it wasnt worth it. Not even close. Id pay anything to have the entire experience erased from my memory.

[sun seeker]

 Lol... Moonie!

Not a single doubt in me, were destined for a sore a*s at first contact with them brother.

Its not in me to give up on my dreams...   I'll  fight till my last breath.

I wonder what would happen if you had a few BPD girls in the same room for a month. Id pay big $$ to see that... .   watch them try and mirror each other. I think thier heads would explode.

[Moonie75]

Quite possibly man!  Or they'd all fook each other to death!

I'd pay big ££ to see that too! 

[sun seeker]

I like how you think Moonie.   

[Moonie75]

I only think like that because I spent last three years living in a porn film. (with elements of Hitchcock).

I had the most scenes with her. But turns out after the film ended & the credits started rolling in, there were scenes I didn't know about with men i didn't know about!

Funny that!  

[Ironmanrises]

No. The damage done to me feels like it will be permanent. After she left me the second time, if the older members on here remember my early posts, it felt like I literally fell from space.

[Moonie75]

Yes I remember your posts on it Ironman

[UnLuckyLady]

Yes, IMF,.I remember your posts well.  Poetic, concise, and immensely filled with raw pain.  You have come a LONG way my friend.  You now serve a purpose here, on this gift of a forum, to help the newbies falling from space to have a softer fall... .

Kudos

[UnLuckyLady]

Good question but for me, to be honest, no it wasnt worth it. Not even close. Id pay anything to have the entire experience erased from my memory.

I've actually looked into the possibility of having my memory of him/us erased.  Extinction Therapy. And I'd pay a whole foot for it to work.  The ruminations are utterly stupifying... .

[Changingman]

I met someone who's xBPD went into group therapy for it. He said they let him watch from a gallery. It was hilarious he said, seeing them go at each other and then them asking if this is the c*** other people experience from them. They were shocked.

Reality shows are full of these people.

Question is a hard one

Terrible price to pay. But, with reservations... .

Some things need to be known, I think I needed to know.

Bye bye crazy

[laelle]

I love a nice roller coaster ride, but I don't want to live on one.  Ever tried eating breakfast while going through the "corkscrew" or mowing the lawn while plunging from hundreds of feet in the air?  Enjoyed the lessons I learned like "never eat on a roller coaster"... . was he worth it?  NO!

[Lady31]

Moonie & Sun... . LMBO LMBO LMBO!

Almost fell out of my chair! (Yes, apparently that's possible.) Thanks!

[goldylamont]

yeah you guys are too hilarious, thanks for the laughs. but hell no i wouldn't do it again!  to be fair i know being in this r/s i grew a lot but i'm sorry i just don't give any credit for this to her BPD aspects. i don't remember tons of "highs", just a sustained feeling of peace with sharp moments of pain... . at first the pain was infrequent but over years became more common.

[love4meNOTu]

No, I lost too much on the way down.

Money, self respect, trust in myself and others.

I will never trust so easily again.

My heart is wrapped in bubble wrap. 

[Free2Bee]

I will never trust so easily again.

My heart is wrapped in bubble wrap. 

What love4me said, for sure.

I wasn't with mine long enough to be seriously damaged by it (others have told me I got out just in time and NC is saving my sanity through this... . ), but the relationship shattered my faith in 'true love' (whatever that means) and the idea of a 'soulmate'.

To be honest, my world view around who I *am* has shifted. I like to think that I'm a good person, but am I really just a collection of neurons and synapses and brain chemicals interacting in a 'normal' way? Is who we are affected by the functioning/health of our brains? Would I treat someone who loved me the way my ex treated me if I had BPD? Yes, I think I would. That really scares me.

I truly believe that underneath all the disfunction, my ex had a good heart. Subtract the BPD and she's a truly remarkable person.

I'm saddled with a tough childhood and all that, but as far as I can tell, my brain is in good working order and I'm grateful. But the idea that I could be someone entirely different with a small shift in brain chemistry has really shaken my faith in spirit and a higher power... .

[Monarch Butterfly]

No, definitely not.  I'd do anything to erase the past. No one deserves to be blamed and torn apart for everything for 17 years and then cry (I mean weep) daily for the last 8. The ride up was too fast and so short lived. The way down was a bottomless never ending pit going at light speed and no brakes.

I could have seen my own issues some other way. I could have raised my water level some other way. It didn't have to be this way.

But then again, I wouldn't have learned about my issues if it wasn't for the intense pain of seeking out what was wrong... . Even in the beginning when I found out about BPD I didn't really look into that hard. I just kind of shrugged my shoulders and said, ok, so this is what he is. No further reading... .

Only after the infidelity issues I went digging into the why's... . So, if I never ran into him, I would have never found out about BPD, and thus, never found out about my own problems.

Couldnt there have been some easier way?

[TristanPDX]

I will never trust so easily again.

My heart is wrapped in bubble wrap. 

What love4me said, for sure.

I wasn't with mine long enough to be seriously damaged by it (others have told me I got out just in time and NC is saving my sanity through this... . ), but the relationship shattered my faith in 'true love' (whatever that means) and the idea of a 'soulmate'.

Very well said. I too made it out fairly quickly, but I have lost my faith in true love and the idea of a soulmate. I also seriously question myself, my judgment... . what made me drawn to someone who was so damaged?

Is it all chemistry though? My ex suffered horrible abuse as a child. Some things leave a soul scarred in a way chemistry can't explain.

[Moonie75]

I will never trust so easily again.

My heart is wrapped in bubble wrap. 

What love4me said, for sure.

I wasn't with mine long enough to be seriously damaged by it (others have told me I got out just in time and NC is saving my sanity through this... . ), but the relationship shattered my faith in 'true love' (whatever that means) and the idea of a 'soulmate'.

Very well said. I too made it out fairly quickly, but I have lost my faith in true love and the idea of a soulmate. I also seriously question myself, my judgment... . what made me drawn to someone who was so damaged?

Is it all chemistry though? My ex suffered horrible abuse as a child. Some things leave a soul scarred in a way chemistry can't explain.

You didn't answer the thread question... . If it's taught you about you, things you wouldn't have learned otherwise, was it worth it?

[TristanPDX]

I will never trust so easily again.

My heart is wrapped in bubble wrap. 

What love4me said, for sure.

I wasn't with mine long enough to be seriously damaged by it (others have told me I got out just in time and NC is saving my sanity through this... . ), but the relationship shattered my faith in 'true love' (whatever that means) and the idea of a 'soulmate'.

Very well said. I too made it out fairly quickly, but I have lost my faith in true love and the idea of a soulmate. I also seriously question myself, my judgment... . what made me drawn to someone who was so damaged?

Is it all chemistry though? My ex suffered horrible abuse as a child. Some things leave a soul scarred in a way chemistry can't explain.

You didn't answer the thread question... . If it's taught you about you, things you wouldn't have learned otherwise, was it worth it?

I think it's too early for me to be able to answer that. Right at this moment I wish I'd never met her. The highs were so high, that I worry I'll unfairly compare a 'normal' relationship to those highs and find it lacking. The lows were so damaging I worry about being emotionally 'head shy' like a beaten dog.

That being said, I do believe everything happens for a reason. It will just take me some time to process what I learned.

[goldylamont]

couple of articles i found on soulmates. i tend to take the middle ground when thinking of soul mates--meaning that i believe equally in romance/passion/spark but also understanding/growth/work.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-the-numbers/201202/danger-beware-the-soul-mate-fallacy

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201207/why-you-shouldnt-believe-in-soul-mates

[Turkish]

couple of articles i found on soulmates. i tend to take the middle ground when thinking of soul mates--meaning that i believe equally in romance/passion/spark but also understanding/growth/work.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-the-numbers/201202/danger-beware-the-soul-mate-fallacy

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201207/why-you-shouldnt-believe-in-soul-mates

I  know some disagree here,  but I  believe the soulmate  concept throws accountability and responsibility out the window.  with regard to BPDs,  one child make the argument that we were soulmates  for a time,  each filling the broken part of the other.  with them,  however,  no one can fill that black hole of emptiness inside of them.  Realizing that is the beginning of detaching and dominating over our replacements.

[Turkish]

 Mine promised me heaven and hell when we were still just friends. I  only got brief glimpses of heaven from afar,  and mostly purgatory  and hell.  so she lied to me from the beginning. I  lied to myself to think I could work with it.  Since I  have kids with her, I  really can't answer this question... .