The pioneer spirit - hope against the odds

[Shaw13]

I am in the midst of divorce proceedings having seperated nearly one year ago. My journey seems to have been on two and possible three levels. On the first there are of course all the practice issues to sort out with children involved and for me a significant financial challenge . Then there was a new job which was great but meant a distance to travel to see my youngest - the other two are now over 18. There is the ongoing communication with exwBPD where any communication has to be carefully thought through and is not a place to sY what I really think or feel.

The second layer for me is the emotional journey and for me I can identify with the 5 stages of detachment as outlined on this site . For me I don't - most of the time - feel angry against exwBPD but a sense of compassion as while I have left the prison as it were the exwBPD is to some degree still in it. Having said that my exwBPD is doing lot better that I expected and

[heartandwhole]

Hi Shaw13,

Your post seems to have been cut off... .   I can relate to the different levels that you speak of, and this is a tough road.  I hope you are being gentle with yourself.  For me, the grieving process took longer and went deeper than I imagined it would.  We're here for you. 

I know it's not easy to have to continue to communicate with your ex, amidst the healing work and all the practical things that you need to do. 

Besides therapy, what do you like to do that helps you cope with all that is going on?

Many of us have been surprised to see ex partners seemingly doing well, while we're struggling with the aftermath of the breakup.  I encourage you to focus on yourself as much as you can.  Your ex may be doing well, or may not, regardless of appearances.  A person with BPD often has trouble with feelings of being abandoned and shame, so his/her coping mechanism often bypass taking responsibility and going through a grieving process like we usually do.

Hang in there, Shaw.  Keep posting.  We're here to support you.