just got news about my ex BPD...

[tomjon78]

Well it´s been almost a year now in this board... . a long story I won´t be able to go through again. Recycling, self doubt, pain, depression, building up myself again, and all that.

Anyway. Today I heard she has got a new boyfriend. I´m not surprised really. I´m not ready myself at all to start a new rs. The story is this. In november she finally stopped texting and calling me. At the same time she started doing some activities regarding outdoor camping and self surviving and helping people who get lost in nature... . I started thinking she would definately start a rs. there with some guys. And she did of course.

Today I met a mutual friend I asked if anything was up with my ex. Oh yes. Her "trainer" at this survival course fell in love with her and she is "fu-king" him up.

Secondly she has met a guy who is the greatest thing ever. Typical ! He is everything she wanted and is telling everyone how great he is and all of that.

I felt quite strange about these news. Not so upset. I knew this would happen. Like i´m Nostradamus or something

But still I feel weird about it. Because I´m still recovering. She just switched the off button on me and on button for the next one. That´s BPD folks !

Well poor him! But I still feel angry for the pain she caused me, all the money she took from me, all the trust she broke, all the pain she caused me.

But I am proud of getting out... . but damn this is weird.

[CoasterRider]

He's prolly in it for the sex if that's what she is offering. Heaven help him if he developed feelings for her, he doesn't know what fresh hell awaits him when the paint brush comes down.

[fromheeltoheal]

Weird doesn't sound like a terrible place to be tomjohn.  Can you say that you're happy with the work you've done so far to detach?

[tomjon78]

Weird doesn't sound like a terrible place to be tomjohn.  Can you say that you're happy with the work you've done so far to detach?

Well... . I woke up this morning after having nightmares about her. I still think affects me. But I am happy with the work i´ve done so far.

I don´t miss her as a person. I still feel sometimes a void in my emotions. The high´s and low´s of a RS like this can make you change your emotional way of thinking what you wan´t and what you miss.

But it´s the same story for her over and over again I guess.

It´s just a bit unfair she is all ready for another relationship but I´m still feeling emotionally injured after all of this.

But I guess it could be worse.

[Pretty Woman]

Tom.

  It's the honeymoon phase. You as well as I know it won't last and all hell will eventually break loose.

The best thing is to go NC. It is hard, I won't lie. My ex has been trying to hook me this week after two month NC. I know she is on match.com and is looking. Why do I want to get sucked in again?

I don't.

Trust me, I understand. I am dating someone new and I keep thinking why can't I put this ones personality into the other ones body? It sounds shallow. I know. I wasn't even in love with her body... . I am not sure what I love.  I think part of it was the addiction to the rollercoaster. That is what a lot of this is. You havr to realize BPD's can't stay calm and content for long. They thrive on chaos.

Wait til this poor guy gets whacked upside the head by her madness.

I can't tell you what to do but you need to block all communication. She will only use you when she has no supply and you are worth much more than that.

[tomjon78]

I´m really feeling upset now... . Just wan´t to call her and sceam. She owes me money and has given me some much pain... . it´s not fair she is all happy now with her new boyfriend.

I´m now feeling so low now... . I know all about BPD but it really f-cks you up how the memories haunt you.

It´s just so unfair... . feeling like the looser who has done all the work... . and I just wih I could erase her from my memory.

I´m feeling like crap now

[Take2]

tomjon78... .   it sucks... . I was farther along on NC with my ex (who is a coworker in my dept) at almost 1 full week with zero contact !  and feeling GREAT this week... .   he's out of the office all that... .   well, somehow, the person I sat next to in a meeting felt compelled to fill me in on the new gf he has... . who he apparently met while filling my head with b.s. lies during his apology after a HUGE abusive situation.  Un-f'ing-believable.

My head is reeling tonight.  I cried at work.  Again.  I too wish I could just erase him from my memory.

To be used, manipulated, and lied to so many times... .   and to think I was FINALLY emotionally free and then to get smacked back down to reality... .    wow.  It hurts... .    :'(

[dansure]

I´m really feeling upset now... . Just wan´t to call her and sceam. She owes me money and has given me some much pain... . it´s not fair she is all happy now with her new boyfriend.

I´m now feeling so low now... . I know all about BPD but it really f-cks you up how the memories haunt you.

I can totally relate man. I have been there a few month ago. Me and my ex broke up in August and in October I found out that she has a new boyfriend... . on my birthday. Before that she blocked any attempts of me to talk. The way she HATED me after our relationship was in no relation to why we broke up or our last fight. For her I was pure evil, the number one enemy who wants to "kill her" according to her, she was "scared" me.

I was pretty down as well. While I was grieving, she declared me her no. 1 enemy AND was dating already somebody else.

I left the apartment in which we were living together and moved to my parents placed for 2 month. It helped me a lot to get some distance. While I was telling my friends and family some of the crazy stories I experienced with her, I noticed while telling them and after having some distance how SICK she was.

Now that I am back in my apartment, memories come up as well and I feel a little down again. But I made a list with the worst things she said to me and with her worst behaviors. Whenever I read them I realize that I should be glad that it's over, since she didn't make me happy.

Plus, just the fact that she could move on to another guys so quickly already shows that she wasn't worth the time I invested in her, since apparently it didn't really reach her... . otherwise she would grieve like a normal person would do.

[tomjon78]

I am now travelling abroad... . being quite busy. Athough I feel ok during the day. She pops in my head quite a lot and I also am having dreams/nightmares about her and things related.

This has taken a real toll on me, even thought I think I have reached quite a lot of progress.

I guess it takes time... . Is this really normal?

[fromheeltoheal]

I am now travelling abroad... . being quite busy. Athough I feel ok during the day. She pops in my head quite a lot and I also am having dreams/nightmares about her and things related.

This has taken a real toll on me, even thought I think I have reached quite a lot of progress.

I guess it takes time... . Is this really normal?

I left her a year and a half ago, and she's pretty much gone, but yes, it takes what it takes.  It's up to us to decide if were are moving forward with our processing or we're stuck.  One thing that has helped is to focus on the future instead of the past, and then create it; after a while we notice some progress, and that noticing builds more momentum.

[lemon flower]

hi, I'm quoting dansure here:

"Plus, just the fact that she could move on to another guys so quickly already shows that she wasn't worth the time I invested in her, since apparently it didn't really reach her... . otherwise she would grieve like a normal person would do."

absolutely! ofcourse she doesn't feel like a normal person, we're talking  BPD here... . It makes me a bit sad to read how you are still hurt, but I hope eventually you will forgive her, since in the end, she's a victim herself, of a horrible disorder, and she will suffer of it all her life!

I absolutely do not want to minimalize your feelings though... .

[tomjon78]

feeling a little bit better today... . went to see my T. and he said it was quite normal for me to be "stirred up" about her new rs. I still feel a little bit deranged... . went and had a really though workout and punched the boxing bag really hard 

But I guess I just wish I could erase all of this from my head and memories... .

I suddenly remembered a movie that reminds me of our relationship... . "The eternal sunshine of the spotless mind". The character in that movie played by Kate Winslet is BPD for sure. Well anyway I sometimes listen to this in my darkest moments. A music video with clips from that movie.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=QucKndLWlAM

Can anyone relate to what I am talking about?

[starshine]

feeling a little bit better today... . went to see my T. and he said it was quite normal for me to be "stirred up" about her new rs. I still feel a little bit deranged... . went and had a really though workout and punched the boxing bag really hard 

But I guess I just wish I could erase all of this from my head and memories... .

I suddenly remembered a movie that reminds me of our relationship... . "The eternal sunshine of the spotless mind". The character in that movie played by Kate Winslet is BPD for sure. Well anyway I sometimes listen to this in my darkest moments. A music video with clips from that movie.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=QucKndLWlAM

Can anyone relate to what I am talking about?

Absolutely.  There have been so many moments when I wish I could erase every single memory of what we did together, our life, and how he left me.  There are times I would be fine with having no recollection of that relationship.

[Take2]

I do at times... . wish I could erase all of it.  But not really.  Only to the extent that it could take the pain away.  But somehow, I find myself forgetting the bad things.  And they were HORRIBLE things that happened in this r/s... .   but yet I yearn for him over and over.  And even when I force myself to think about the events that occurred in the past one year alone, I am just not properly affected as I SHOULD be. 

I don't get what my problem is.  Realistically, I know I don't deserve to be treated like crapola.  Realisitically, I know I'm a warm, kind, caring person.  Realisitically, I KNOW I'm a catch.  Why is it so easy to forget how poorly I have been treated... .   why do I erase only that ?

[NoCRV]

Hey Take2,

I can relate to your situation.  I met a girl after my BPDex break-up.  So got to know me and my situation I had just gotten out of.  She was telling me she was sad that I couldn't see what a great person I was.  I thought about the projections my BPDex threw at me which pretty much had me brainwashed.  Her favorite one was "you know I am the best you can get right?"  Looking back I take it as a compliment, if only she didn't believe her projections, the relationship may have dis-functionally worked.

[Take2]

Thanks NoCRV (what does that mean anyway?)... .   it's so true, my ex believes his projections because he was probably doing all that stuff he was accusing me of... . sure seems like it now that I am suddenly aware of this brand new r/s he is in (which he said NOTHING about until a coworker told me late last week) - and now suddenly he's fully committed in the new r/s ?   One where they only just went out for the first time in late December... . okay, so 4 weeks ago and you guys have said the "L" word, are committed, etc etc etc.

I just can't stop my head from spinning over this one... .    I swear every time I think I could never be more stunned or more hurt, he will always find a way to up it... .

I suppose there is a reason that they say that no contact is the only way to truly break free.  I have some massive trauma/betrayal bonds going on and I cannot break this addiction.  More so, this latest news just forged a brand new betrayal bond... .    

[NoCRV]

My pleasure Take2.  No Cash Resale Value (recycling.)  I broke NC today by calling the BPDex's sister and almost tried to reengage.  Luckily she was honest with me.  It was one step back and two steps forward!  Sorry you keep getting hurt.  After reading so much on this site, my BPDex has been pretty predictable.  The only thing I am unsure of is if she will or won't attempt to recycle me.  Her sister told me she is really mad at me.  She was shocked and curious on what I did to her.  I think I might be in the clear though, good thing, I am too lazy to come up with another name!

[Surnia]

Back to you, Tomjon 

I am glad you are better today.

I would say, its just normal. When I first realized that my exH has a gf, I was shocked. I saw her recently more closely, shocked again. I am fine with my divorce, I don't want go back - really not. Even than, it is affecting me sometimes.

[tomjon78]

Back to you, Tomjon 

I am glad you are better today.

I would say, its just normal. When I first realized that my exH has a gf, I was shocked. I saw her recently more closely, shocked again. I am fine with my divorce, I don't want go back - really not. Even than, it is affecting me sometimes.

Good to hear from you Surnia... . Yeah it´s been a ok day for me. I´m really focusing on being busy and not thinking about this even though she is on the doorstep on my mind. I´m doing ok. Still finding it hard to be alone and sleeping.

But it´s a peculiar feeling. It´s not the same as an ex getting involved with a new bfriend. It´s different. Frustration and anger is th feeling i´m getting.