Steps of Codependency (This woke me up big time)

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi there, was reading a book called THAW by Don Carter last night and was somewhat dozing off. Well bored of the pain of childhood type stuff really, that mood when you're ready to pop in a Steve Martin DVD or Stream Family Guy from Netflix depending on your age... . Ya just like who cares anymore... . Then I saw this and it's impacted me greatly... . Got to see exactly how this codependency thing is ruining my life. Step by step... . As I crossed off most of them it dawned on me how low I've really gone... . I mean when you can say ya I'm closer to the death one than the top you may want to wake up... . Might make you feel more confident in your decision (or non-decision) to end your toxic relationship, it did for me.

How codependent are you?

Early Stage

1. Relief using or enabling- comfort eating, spending, working or "helping" someone with their problem in order to avoid internal focus.

2. Increase in tolerance- for the behaviors of the problem person

3. Preoccupation- with the problem person or persons

4. Loss of control- over emotions or behavior (excessive eating, yelling at kids)

Continued Use (of enabling bhavior) Despite serious negative consequences- to yourself as well as to them

MIDDLE STAGE- "Crucial Stage"

5. Family Problem- Drama Triangle and or Punishment/Forgiveness Cycle

6. Social Problems- Embarassment, avoiding parties where they may be "too much temptation" for your partner

7. Emotional Problems- Depression, anxiety, chronic stress

8. Financial Problems

9. Legal Problems- Domestic disturbances

10. Occupational or Academic Problems- Loss of concentration due to preoccupation with the problem person or persons

LATE or "CHRONIC" STAGE

11. Physical deterioration- headaches, stomach problems, stress disorder, etc.

12. Serious Physical Withdrawl Syndrome- cannot stay away after a break up or seperation

13. Obsession- preoccupation increases until it takes the majority of your thoughts

14. Loss of social Supports- stop seeing friends and begin to isolate, other people give up trying to get you to see what youre doing

15. Collaplse of the Alibi System- can no longer make excuses for yourself OR the problem person

16.Drinking, using prescription meds, eating, working- etc. to keep functioning or "feel normal"

17. Hopeless and Despair

18. Ultimately Death- accident, suicide, illness secondary to the codependency.

[Boisnix79]

Hi there, was reading a book called THAW by Don Carter last night and was somewhat dozing off. Well bored of the pain of childhood type stuff really, that mood when you're ready to pop in a Steve Martin DVD or Stream Family Guy from Netflix depending on your age... . Ya just like who cares anymore... . Then I saw this and it's impacted me greatly... . Got to see exactly how this codependency thing is ruining my life. Step by step... . As I crossed off most of them it dawned on me how low I've really gone... . I mean when you can say ya I'm closer to the death one than the top you may want to wake up... . Might make you feel more confident in your decision (or non-decision) to end your toxic relationship, it did for me.

How codependent are you?

Early Stage

1. Relief using or enabling- comfort eating, spending, working or "helping" someone with their problem in order to avoid internal focus.

2. Increase in tolerance- for the behaviors of the problem person

3. Preoccupation- with the problem person or persons

4. Loss of control- over emotions or behavior (excessive eating, yelling at kids)

Continued Use (of enabling bhavior) Despite serious negative consequences- to yourself as well as to them

MIDDLE STAGE- "Crucial Stage"

5. Family Problem- Drama Triangle and or Punishment/Forgiveness Cycle

6. Social Problems- Embarassment, avoiding parties where they may be "too much temptation" for your partner

7. Emotional Problems- Depression, anxiety, chronic stress

8. Financial Problems

9. Legal Problems- Domestic disturbances

10. Occupational or Academic Problems- Loss of concentration due to preoccupation with the problem person or persons

LATE or "CHRONIC" STAGE

11. Physical deterioration- headaches, stomach problems, stress disorder, etc.

12. Serious Physical Withdrawl Syndrome- cannot stay away after a break up or seperation

13. Obsession- preoccupation increases until it takes the majority of your thoughts

14. Loss of social Supports- stop seeing friends and begin to isolate, other people give up trying to get you to see what youre doing

15. Collaplse of the Alibi System- can no longer make excuses for yourself OR the problem person

16.Drinking, using prescription meds, eating, working- etc. to keep functioning or "feel normal"

17. Hopeless and Despair

18. Ultimately Death- accident, suicide, illness secondary to the codependency.

[Clearmind]

Oh how much of that rings true!

Impressive reading and personal insight Boisnix79 for a member with only a few posts 

Sounds like reading that ignited something!

[tango1492]

I have had 2,3,7, and 10 while in the relationship.

But oddly, since actually leaving the relationship, 12, 13, and 17 have been my big ones. It's interesting that ever since I left him six months ago, the tendency is toward the more "chronic" type of co-dependence. When we broke up, I moved 1000 miles away back to my home state. I must admit that it's disconcerting to realize that even though we're that far apart, clearly it's MY issue that I need to work on when it comes to the chronic co-dependency piece.

Yikes.

It has been a major challenge to refocus on my life and not ruminate about him constantly.

Thanks for your post!