This is what causes me the most pain. I thought I was special. Interesting and desirable. What I’ve come to learn is that I was none of those things to her. I was there because she needed pain relief and I was willing. It could have been anybody. My ego is raw.
Coastal,
I know this is a hard concept to wrap our heads around... . and sometimes we go to the other extreme until we find our balance in it.
You were special - honestly, in her mind so much so that you were her "savior" from the chaos. This part is true.
The other part that is true is that you or nobody is "that" special - it is not a realistic place to be in anyone's life.
You were interesting and desirable, that was real. The degree to which she thought you walked on water was not real... . idealization is a powerful drug my friend.
Rebuilding our own damaged ego takes a bit of time. It's going to be ok, it will be based on reality - not hyperbole.
Hang in there,
SB
