She may be externally beautiful but I find her so repulsive

[Iamdizzy]

Again, I met with old friends... . mutual friends and they all tell me the same thing

her promiscuity is increasing as well as her partying, alcohol, weed consumption. The sexual/vulgar things she posts on social media is constant and repulsive to them. I know I am no one to judge what anyone does with their bodies. But when I hear things like that, I get scared. Who the hell was she? I mean at this point I don't care. I dodged a huge bullet by leaving her. Let her continue having sex, partying, getting drunk and high do whatever you want just stay the hell away from me. I am so repulsed by her. She may be externally beautiful but I find her so repulsive.

[Ceide]

AMEN!

In my situation, it's the "never contacted you again" part that's iffy.  I can usually count on an every 3-6 month cycle, when he's between his replacements.  Good thing is, I am very comfortable with NC.  I don't respond.

For the most part, mutual friends don't give me any kind of updates.  They know better.  I'm detaching more and more, and hopeful that someday I'll be totally indifferent.

Good for you for taking care of yourself!

[buddy1226]

Ditto, dizzy! Mine left me but showed up at my place last week. what a train wreck. Her drinking/drugging is escalating and it was pretty bad as it was. Thing is I still miss her. her idealization phase was that good. Reading posts like this reminds me that I did indeed dodge a bulled even though left to my own devices I'd still e there. That's the part that pisses me off. I soo wish I had put her in the street a year ago!

[that1guy]

Ditto, dizzy! Mine left me but showed up at my place last week. what a train wreck. Her drinking/drugging is escalating and it was pretty bad as it was. Thing is I still miss her. her idealization phase was that good. Reading posts like this reminds me that I did indeed dodge a bulled even though left to my own devices I'd still e there. That's the part that pisses me off. I soo wish I had put her in the street a year ago!

That sounds so familiar! My exdBPDw did the same thing. She would contact me between replacements. Showed up on the door step last week a complete wreck. Find out her drug use has escalated. That she tried a night as a prostitute and found it "kind of fun". And like you, I still do have feeling for this woman. What the he! is wrong with me?

I am glad I have the strength to step back and say "No! I cannot do this!" I will not let myself be dragged back through the he! I just recently escaped. It's HARD! But I have to do it if I have any hope of finding a meaningful relationship in the future.

[growing_wings]

i agree with all... indeed.

i dont wish my ex BPD SO bad... but she is a master at portraying a false sense of herself... . she appears well, happy and soo grounded to the outside world. is just when you are behind closed doors where you see the mess and hell she is inside. so my friends get to tell me how great she is doing... . i am learning not to care tho... is her life and she has the right to seek happiness the same way i do... .

i am glad you dodge a bullet! it is true

[Iamdizzy]

Thank you all... . It took me a long time and some soul searching to get where I am.

I don't ask what she's up to, I don't keep tabs on her. As much as I taken away her powers I just don't want to see/know what she's up to. I eschew any sort of vindicative behavior towards her. I had as much fault because I stayed with her... . how ever short the time was but I stayed.

However do I feel bad for her? in a way because that's not life. She had many chances of being with someone who could truly treat her like a woman rather than someone for sex.

But she chooses that, she's an adult. She knows that what she is doing is horrible. I can only imagine how much more she cries now at night. How empty she must feel. But there is nothing I can do. I tried (foolishly) but to no avail. Her ex boyfriends tried but in all BPD situations, change must come from the pwBPD. Life changes when they decide their tumultuous, random, crazy behavior cannot keep destroying themselves & their relationships. Those are my two cents.

[Johnny Alias]

A mutual I know told me my ex and her bf showed up at her house STRUNG out on coke.  She looked a wreck and he was scratching his face every minute. 

Not shocked.  I think I was one of the few things keeping her from spiraling out of control.  It's almost over for her.  Soon she'll be dead, broken up with him and mooching off the few friends she has left, or the OLD party girl at the bar that people feel sorry for. 

SAD, but totally out of my control. 

[Iamdizzy]

Johnny,

sheesh, I don't think my BPDex has hit that level... . yet. That's insane. I really feel for you and for your ex. Regardless of BPD that's no way to live. However, it's out of our control. We can only do so much. Ultimately, it's their life, their choices, their business.

[buddy1226]

I'm glad you got to hear that, johnny. I now it did me some good to see mine as a train wreck last week. Drug/alcohol problems in and of themselves get worse unless treated and these people are not wiling to do the work necessary to get clean. No way. It involves introspection and honesty and I could see mine growing wings and flying before that happens.

I think I was the only thing that kept the wheels from falling off with my ex too. Now we have that confirmation. I wonder if they realize that? If they ever look back and know that things were better when they were with us because clearly they were.

[Changingman]

Amen to dodging a bullet, this is so true. A very serious destructive force is in the middle of your life. Addiction rubs off onto you, this illness distorts sex and love. Are they better with us or their next? I don't think it matters for them or us. Vanity

[Iamdizzy]

Yes, I believe that the destructive force is so traumatizing  that you get sucked into that. It's scary. What's scary is when you look back at those times from a healthier view.

[that1guy]

What's scary is when you look back at those times from a healthier view.

Exactly! It's scary to look back and see how close I was to that edge and falling off with her. I can only be grateful that there was something in me that kept me from following her over. I'm sure what it was (maybe an ingrained sense of self-preservation) but I'm glad it pulled me back.

[Pinoypride18]

Iamdizzy i agree with you 100%. After my breakup with my BPDexgf, i saw her true colors. Sleeping around, drinking, smoking. The thing i got pissed about was hearing that my ex was caught with my replacement after only 2 weeks of breaking up. Then to be the last one to hear, and to hear it from other students and faculty. I am repulsed by her behaviour. I too am not judging what someone does with their body, but at least have some discretion.

But if she is someone that can do that then I too have dodged a bullet my friend

However do I feel bad for her? in a way because that's not life. She had many chances of being with someone who could truly treat her like a woman rather than someone for sex.

But she chooses that, she's an adult. She knows that what she is doing is horrible. I can only imagine how much more she cries now at night. How empty she must feel. But there is nothing I can do. I tried (foolishly) but to no avail. Her ex boyfriends tried but in all BPD situations, change must come from the pwBPD. Life changes when they decide their tumultuous, random, crazy behavior cannot keep destroying themselves & their relationships. Those are my two cents.

i agree with you, i hate my ex but at the same time pity her. But it is not a way to live, it is not even living. What they do is pure survival mode. She had her chance with someone who would do anything for her. She will continue to destroy every relationship acting like this. And i feel sorry for her

[Iamdizzy]

that1guy- It's frightening. I usually don't hear about her or what shes up to. I avoid any sort of 'accidental' bump in or social media stuff. But Whenever I do hear about her I get scared and happy. I was in the lions den without realizing the full extent of how dangerous things can escalate. With each passing day, the arguements got worse and worse. I assume this is because I would be triggering her worse every time.  When I broke up with her... . I admit I was addicted to her the relationship between 'white knight (to some extent) and damsel in distress' is addictive. But something in me kept saying stay the ___ away. Which I did, I'm grateful for that.

Pinoypride18- My BPDex went on vacation 3 weeks after we broke up and slept with some random guy in the caribbean. Then she came back home, and I had the pleasure of finding out she had sex with some guy she met at some bbq a month after we broke up. It's hard to swallow. I'm no one to judge but use those actions as indicators that you did the right thing. No one gets out of a relationship and quickly has sex with some unknown. It's not normal. We as humans need time to process things especially when they involve feelings. I hope that in time you understand why you stayed with someone like her and more importantly grow from it. That's the best part. Growing and understanding you're worth more so next time you won't tolerate such disgusting and immature behavior.

Yes, I feel bad for her too it's no way to live. But, she's an adult. She knows she's disordered. It should be her no.1 PRIORTY to seek help. It's up to HER to get better. I can be the proverbial 'cheerleader' rooting her on. But if she doesn't want to make an effort, not my problem or fault.

[santa]

My ex is 28 and we were together for almost 4 years. She's not going to get any more beautiful than she was when I was with her.

I hate the way she acts. Her behavior makes me want to never see her face again. I used to love her voice and now it gives me chills. I think she's the worst person I've ever met. No amount of beauty can overcome that.