A way to express myself while my BPDw is not empathetic at all

[Samuel S.]

I need a way to express myself while my BPDw is not empathetic at all! Also, she is out of town again, staying 2 nights and 3 days away. She rarely asks about me when she does call. Any time I have expressed myself, she manipulates it so that my feelings don't matter. Well, your feelings, her feelings, my feelings, we all matter all the time!

So, here's the situation. Compounding my BPDw's lack of empathy, a week ago today, my maternal aunt passed away at the age of 93. I couldn't attend her funeral back east due to a back injury, and flying out there would be very hard to take. Of course, my relatives understood. Virtually, every year, I fly and visit there, because I love them. So, I felt bad about not going, but it couldn't be helped at all. So, I was feeling bad already about my BPDw's lack of empathy along with my maternal aunt's passing.

I am usually a very positive guy, and I love helping. In fact, I taught today, and I was somewhat with it, but now, I am aching both physically and emotionally and without an empathetic wife. By the way, when she has complaints, she is the first to voice her concerns and emotions, but I am not allowed to do so essentially. So, I don't even bother doing so. That's why I am expressing myself here.

Well, thank you for letting me vent. Overall, it's been a bad day. I hope I feel better tomorrow.

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[Pipedreamer25]

Hey Samuel S,

Venting is definitely a good start!  Surrounding yourself with positive people or at least people who understand your situation is a good thing to do too;  I'm sorry to hear about your Aunt.  I completely emphasize with your situation.  My partner's empathy fluctuates sometimes he's very caring other times (usually when I need support) he manages to make the situation about him instead. 

I hope your day improves and you can do something for yourself tonight and feel better tomorrow.

[Surnia]

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your aunt and that you couldn't go to her funeral.

I hope your back will be better soon.

[Moselle]

SamuelS,

I can empathise with you as I'm in a similar position with an uBPDw.

The stress of always being the one to give emotionally, to be the one concerned for others, to have no reciprocation of all the contributions you make to the relationship. I recognise the same heartache.

I find its good to have a distraction, whether that be a project, work, or hobby that you love. It makes life worth living. For me, its fishing.

All the best

Moselle

[Samuel S.]

Well, my BPDw decided to get a studio apartment instead of staying in a hotel room 2 nights a week. So, from now on, she is going to drive out of town on Sunday afternoon or evening, spend Sunday night through Wednesday afternoon there and at the university where she is attending classes, come back here, work 2 to 3 days, and repeat this same pattern over and over again for 3 1/2 years. How wonderful (all sarcasm intended!). Granted, the studio apartment is going to be cheaper than a hotel room, but there are other expenses as well. Then, she is wondering where all the money is going to come from, that she can only do so much, etc., etc. In the meantime, our relationship is next to nothing, where I am basically her alarm clock when she is away and prepare her breakfast here when she is here.