have you ever felt your life is in danger?

[maxsterling]

Honest question here in dealing with your pwBPD - have you ever felt like your life is in danger?

I'm just a little down the past few days, I think mostly related to swimming out of this FOG.  It's got me thinking on a somewhat morbid path.  My thought is that sometimes the abuse due to BPD gets to life-threatening levels, and we as nons really have little to gage how serious things are - the pwBPD can be happy one minute, then paint you black and rage the next.  I also think of the frog and the boiling water analogy, and we are the frogs. 

My BPD gf has hit me once and thrown things at me a few times.  When she screams it feels like I am going to die.  I definitely fear her harming herself or committing suicide, but I haven't ever felt she could come at me with deadly force.  I do, however, have enough fear that I would never, ever keep a gun in the house.  But I do sometimes feel like I am dying inside, and struggling to keep my identity. 

Once with an ex GF, probably NPD, but with many BPD symptoms, I felt scared for my life.  It was the first time I saw her rage, or anyone rage like that.  I didn't know what she was capable of.  I remember lying in her bed, with her being pissed off at me and just about everything, and then her leaving to go downstairs.  During those moments I thought there was a chance she could come back upstairs with a knife, and planned how I would protect her son in the next room and then myself if that happened.   Luckily, nothing happened, but a year later she was arrested for domestic violence and disorderly conduct.  I'm not sure who the victim was.

[justaboutdone]

I have been there several times.  When I am in the kitchen cooking and every time she walks behind me and between the knives, I look out the corner of my eye because I do not trust her.  She has woken me up in the middle of the night and kicked me in the back as hard as she could to wake me up and started raging.  Another evening, she was mad at me and I said something minor but she said it hurt her soo bad.  I slept in the spare bedroom and she walked in right as I was falling asleep and said, "I hope you don't get stabbed tonight while you are sleeping."  I stayed awake for several more hours after that and felt pretty confident it was just another threat.  I'm still here so it must have been I guess.

[DiamondSW]

My life was never in danger but my health was.

EMOTIONAL health 100%  -huge risk of depression/self harm to me.

PHYSICAL HEALTH -always left me in the freezing cold and simply would not show up at times arranged. 

Regarding both, don't think she 'noticed'... . or cared.  Bizarre, even when I was shivering, she just didn't ever get it, or change her behaviour... .

she's always late for her therapist too... .  

[Take2]

I've never had any threats of physical violence unless you count the many threats to destroy me but I was so scared last summer when I saw how his intense rage could turn to a total out of control mad man that I did wind up going to a domestic violence counselor.   Told all the basics.

She said there is no doubt in her mind it will escalate to physical abuse.

I don't currently fear for my life.

But many times the crazy thought that he will wind up killing me has been in my mind.

[Remington]

Yes, please be careful.

It's easy to underestimate how some people might be dangerous, especially when very dysregulated. 

I have learned, over time, I don't feel my fiancé is stable enough to be around my firearms.  I have been very careful and have kept them locked up at all times.  She was showing immense fascination with them and had wanted me to teach her to target shoot, to handle firearms, etc. I have always found a way to distract her off of this topic and avoid just flat out refusing. I would have to flat out refuse otherwise, and would do so.

I have seen too much erratic behavior, too much rapid switching of extreme moods, paranoia when she is increasingly upset, and definitely a very distorted sense of reality when upset, if not always.  This has been increasing and is very disconcerting. I know she dissociates.  She admits to knowing this and says her MD also knows this.  Periods of dissociation is when she also does very strange things and I cannot interrupt the pattern or help her to see her idea of what is and is not going on is very distorted.

Yes, I think the stress, the immense stress involved in dealing with a chronically exacerbated person is very detrimental to the health of all parties involved. I know there are many times I have felt like I was having a heart attack, especially lately, when she suddenly does something very aggressive, very rude, very cold.  I just cannot tolerate the ongoing stress anymore.    I have had increasing episodes, frequent episodes of physical illness over this past year.  It has been overwhelming to try to stand by her and to be so abused and so shocked by her behaviors. Just when I think she has stabilized, suddenly --- some major shocking behavior surfaces. She shows no insight into feeling remorse at the time, although she mentions feeling  shame later on. In the midst of her behaviors though, no insight, no remorse.  Looks very cold.  Yet, she is likely also dissociated.

How on earth can there be so many triggers for a person?  It is as though she is one big trigger.  Has to be a horrible experience for her.  Has to be.  I have tried so hard to help.  I am now the target of her ill behaviors.

She says she has to do these things to me because I am a threat to her, I could reject her at any time.  Yet, but she is doing things that lead to rejection, to distance, to distrust, etc.

I went off topic, sorry.

Remington

[growing_wings]

although i shouldnt post in here as i left, i need to answer your question:

Yes, i felt in danger. i started fearing she would use knives as part of her threats or rages... .

the rages i saw in her were un-believable, is like she turned into another person, and during those, all rational thinking goes out of hte window, and is when i feared for my own safety.

stay safe

[Dog biscuit]

Allthough this is not my board either, I want to respond to this question.

YES! I have felt my life was, and sometimes still is in danger ( on an emotional level)

The former gf of my ex, killed herself after he broke off the r/s. I will never know what actually happend between the two of them, but I believe he had a part in her suicide, by giving her the full blown BPD treatement.

They where toghether for a longer time that he and I where toghether, and he had his claws much deeper in her. It freaks me out... .

[lemon flower]

close... . we've never been to the point that he really hurt me, but he used to grap my throat and pull my head to the wall, which was very threatening.

Also he nearly raped me twice (I needed all my selfcontrol and strength to talk him out of it and it took a long time to calm him down)

and I admit that i'm also checking for knives or pointy tools when he's raging, but I take very good care that he doesn't notice that

after we broke up, for a whole period I litterally had to barricade my frontdoor, using extra locks and a heavy weight to strenghten my door, because I feared he would try to break in, no wonder I developped sleeping problems, I was actually terrorised , sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night, with a fast beating hart, because I thought I heard my doorbell ring, which wasn't the case!

( once that even happened when I was in a hotel miles away from my home... .    )

[growing_wings]

I was actually terrorised , sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night, with a fast beating hart, because I thought I heard my doorbell ring, which wasn't the case!

i experienced the same as above for a while.

[Take2]

I forgot to mention as part of my post that my ex is not only obsessed with firearms, knives, self defense, and all that, he is an incredibly good competitive shooter.  He is the guy at the gun range or in matches that everyone stops to watch because he is so good.  He knows down to a T how to hurt people in physical fights - he's not the biggest guy physically in the room - but he's the guy that will always -- ALWAYS win a fight he gets into.  Guns, knives or hands. 

I'm sorry also - this isn't my board either - but it's a subject on my mind and had to respond.  I have continued contact with my ex as we work together so the "entanglement" isn't done - and very hard to make it stop.  And the continued contact, while not together, still makes me realize that the next big dysregulation could be off the charts.  He's without a doubt scared the life out of me in the past.  And I've seen that he changes to such an extent that you just can't be sure he won't do something that he never thought he would.

[rollercoaster24]

Hi all

Apologies this isn't my board either, but here goes.

Ever felt my life was in danger? Yes, and still do at times. Hypervigilant, nervous, overweight, PTSD you name it.

First 2 years of BP living with me?

Sleep deprivations, harassment at home and work every few days, financial abuse, emotional and psychological abuse, sexual abuse, (threats he would find another woman etc or insulting my body and looks), stalking, death threats to me, my friends and family, property damage was an ongoing issue, lying, disappearing acts, constant talk of violence and abusiveness, trying to kill me several times, (once I believe was premeditated from the evidence I had found), kidnapping, preventing me from leaving, blocking my car, stealing my phone or keys etc.

In the last few months, he attempted to kick in the side of my van, and also told me recently that his brother has a really good long distance shotgun, and could shoot me in the head from miles away! WTH?

Even when he is gone, or leaves apparently for good, I can never be sure he is really gone, so I am afraid to try and get on with my life, and go back to having friends again, (especially male).

I feel constantly on edge, worse than ever before in my life, so right now, I am accepting that it might be best to just keep to myself for quite some time, not make any new friends or pick up with old ones, since I feel like I would not be that great a company at any rate until I heal a lot more.

I am afraid to take a restraining order out on him, as a lot of people suggest is the final step to making sure you never get back with them again, as I feel it would put my life in danger even more.

Leaving town and having a new identity is not an option for me financially or otherwise because of the commitments I have, but it does cross my mind a lot, as a means of getting this person out of my life and heart for good.

[letmeout]

You are always in danger when you are with someone who is raging. I know that my ex was never in his right mind during his rages. Once he killed the family dog during a rage, and I was just lucky it wasn't me or one of our kids.

Now I know better than to ever get near a raging person again.

[Take2]

Wow Letmeout and Rollercoaster. ... . I'm so sorry for what you've gone thru.

I know and live the ptsd dairy.

It is awful.  Mostly bc I NEVER stops.  I've been painted as black as night and has he moves forward with his new r/s pretending to be a great guy... . He rages at me via text ALL day long.

I am his outlet for anger and rage.

Ugh

It blows

[letmeout]

Take2 I know how that felt... . they use you as their emotional punching bag.

You actually read his texts! Why?

You will heal faster if you have no contact with him, and it will also get you off of his radar faster. Being on his radar will always make you his target.

Always remember that he is a predator, no more, no less.

[Take2]

I work with my ex so no contact is virtually impossible.  The texts?  I often don't read all of it -  I'm saving them for documentation.  My ex goes from loving me with all his heart to raging at me and making threats at me.  Last week he accused me of texting another man at work.  I wasn't so I said I wasn't.  Wrong answer.  He pushed into me and stared directly at me with a threatening look as we were walking and he cut me off to head a different direction.  He knows he did it on purpose - the threatening look, I've has 12 million times before.  Him specifically pushing into me as we walk with a menacing look?

He's never done that.  I just said "don't do that".  Later we spoke and I told him that was a bad thing to do he of course denied it and then promptly said he was going to report me to HR for accusing him of physical assault.  I'm not exactly sure how that would win him any points but it's just the insanity continuing.

I need those texts.  He is very scary.  I don't doubt he is capable of anything given whatever crazy accusation he believes is real.  

[letmeout]

I am so sorry that you have to work with your ex. I remember all too well the menacing look which is meant to scare you into compliance.