Setback... X and Text

[ConverseHome]

My eBPDgf moved out 3 months ago from our shared house with my two boys. We had been living together for 3 years, together for 6. She is full-tilt splitting, painting me black, and blaming me since her departure. Last week she had dinner with one of my closest friends to throw me under the bus for two hours. It wasn't surprising (though hurtful nonetheless) as smear campaign began long before we broke up. She denied it then, and appears to be in denial now.

Fast forward to yesterday. For a long time we had planned on a trip together with my boys, my mom, and many mutual friends this week. As I was getting on the plane, a text comes in from her wishing us all an amazing and fun holiday. It was sent to me, my boys, and my mom. I didn't respond; my mom was like What the heck? My xBPDgf is making me well out house immediately, uprooting my boys, is bad mouthing me, and generally being cruel, and yet sends this.

After having had several good weeks, this has definitely set me back. It also has screwed with me while on holiday, which we both so wanted to go on together. I had gotten myself to the place of moving forward, imagining my next chapter, and recognizing how incredibly troubled she is emotionally. This was particularly true given fact she has been adamant that she is done, telling friends how happy she is, and painting me black to whomever will listen.

I suppose I'm just looking for reassurance here, as I'm feeling so sad right now,  which is brought on less by the fact that I miss her, and more by the fact that someone with whom I shared my life and heart - and who professed her undying love for me but 3 months ago - is now so very unfair. What also upsets meis she sent the group text to my 11 year old so , who is confused already by her abrupt departure from us 3 months ago.

Is my x conflicted? Have others experienced such bizarre yet painful behavior?

[GreenMango]

I wish I could tell you this was going to be fair.  It isnt.  It isn't cool she's meeting with your friends to run you down or confusing your kids with her emotional upheavals.

But be fair to yourself ... .

Enjoy your holiday

Spend time with your family

Don't answer the texts etc while on holiday

Give yourself some time ... . it sounds like you need it.



When you get back then you can think about how to deal with the new boundaries you may need in respect to her. 

[mywifecrazy]

Yes I can relate! I was married to my uBPDxw for 18 years new

Her for 20 years found her in bed with my best friend last Father's Day. Fast forward to now she rushed out of the house abandoned me and her kids and painted me black in the worst way you can look up my threads if you so choose to. The last nine months has told everyone horrible things about me. This past Christmas and most recently this weekend she has exhibited behavior like you're describing here acting like she sorry acting like she cares for me. The same time this weekend while she's acting so nice to me I hear she still painting me black to her mother who I'm very close with that she also abandoned. So I feel very sorry for her and her sickness but I take everything she says with a grain of salt. My mind is so clear now that I've been out of the fog for nine months that I can see she is a very sick person and I need to be very careful and think long and hard about how I act when she has these moments of confusion!

The best advice I can give you is to think long and hard before you say or do anything but for now just enjoy your trip. Everyone's situation is different but I think on my end she's just seeing how I will react and gauging how she May use me in someway. Good luck to you!