I'm 47, wanting to tune out my mother (73 - not in the same town) without fully losing contact. I've been trying to stick to pleasantries, but she has a stash of slams that she pulls out when her mood dips and, although I can keep from taking them personally now, I just have nothing left to say. Trying to figure out what caring for an elderly parent looks like when you don't have a relationship.
Hi pipergirl,
You are not alone! My age and my uBPD mother's age are almost identical to yours, and I too have the work of maintaining contact and dealing with / overcoming her behaviors and caring for her as she ages.
Do you have others in the picture? Siblings or others in your extended family?
When my mother's mood dips, I use some of the communications methods you will find on this site. I also work hard to enforce boundaries as needed. For example, she will frequently bring up past "misdeeds" to which I respond by focusing on what can be done in the present and the future. The past cannot change, and neither she nor I can re-do or un-do any of it. (And there is no point in trying to change her views of the past.)
Please remember that you (and everyone else here) are stronger than we know. Your current situation will not last forever.
And as peaceplease said, "Please keep in touch." You don't have to handle it alone.
