rounding the circle

[enough abuse]

Well here we go... . as of last week, 1 yr NC with my uBPD sister.  If you followed any of my post the last year has been viscious regarding her to my mother and I.  After my mom told her she was moving off the family farm we were raised on to a condo she has suddenly "became nice" for awhile.   My mom's true reason for moving is because of her and she figured it out but my mom is just saying "its what I need to do for myself right now".   My mom did confront her and let her know how she did not appreiciate the way she treated her and mom went all winter with my sister living 2 miles away from her and she never called to check on mom once.  (it is truly better that way because if she does ANYTHING for my mom we are all told how she "does EVERYTHING for her".  Sad but mom did just fine.  So now she is calling mom more often and being nauseatingly nice. 

I sent birthday gifts to her children and she sent me these long oh so nice texts... . again I want to vomit because it is a 360 from everything we have gone through the last year.  She sent my son a birthday gift 2 weeks early and I sent her a text simply saying thank you and again 5 texts returned on how they had fun picking stuff out for him and hope he has a fun wonderful day and on and on and on... .  

She is now telling my mom she is nice to me and it's up to me to make the next contact... . MY MOM KNOWS there will be NO contact... . I made a promice to myself, my children and my husband... . we are not going back and I will not put them through this again.  My mom says "she wants to be a family" NO SHE DONt... . she is borderline... . this is typical this is the same roller coaster we have been on 5-6 times over the last 12 years... . it is predictable and what is to come is also predictable... . I can't do it anymore.

The social worker says my mom is enjoying the "sweet spot" of her being nice... . I agree when she is nice she is the nicest person ever... . but we know what is to come.  I am not putting my 5 and 7 yr old through a aunt that falls all over them giving them nice gifts and just being great to changing to rude and nasty all in the same day sometimes. 

My mom knows were I stand and I will not go back... . I think she is upset and wants me to try as my sister is manipulating on how "hurt" she is ... . yes she is hurting but I can't help that.  I told her the only way I will talk to her is if we seek professional help together and we all know that is not going to happen.  She refuses and says she don't have time for it... . how BPD is that?  trust me she makes time for what she wants to... .

So her we go again... . I told my mom if you jump in the cage with the Loin dont as much as look for my hand to pull you out when it growls and charges you... . BPD is as predictable as a wild animal... . I don't know what else to do... .

[GeekyGirl]

Hi enough abuse,

It sounds like you feel a lot of pressure from your mother to make amends with your sister, which I can understand. At the same time, I also know what it's like to feel like you need to protect your children from behavior that you think will be upsetting. It's tough for sure and I can imagine how torn you feel right now.

What kinds of limits have you set with your mother about your relationship with your sister? Does she seem to respect your needs as well as your sister's?

What do you ultimately want to happen from here?