Help disabled sibling... ?

[coraliesolange]

My sister is disabled but has no diagnosis because she has been basically held as a slave.  I suspect autism/aspergers. My father just passed away.  Adult Protective Services had to be called in while he was dying because the female parental unit was acting incredibly crazy (haha I'm sure nothing is incredible to you guys), jumping out of moving cars, screaming in the room my dad was in, commanding my sister to douse in him water, etc.  I'm kind of hearing now that regardless of the extreme emotional abuse, if APS doesn't feel my sister is in immediate physical danger they won't act.  What to do? 

My aunt and uncle, who like everyone never realized how crazy she was until just now, are taking her to a doctor's appointment tomorrow.  The goal is to get her to commit herself but once she's in the room alone who knows what lies she'll tell to get an easier diagnosis.  So, how do I help my sister and how do I ensure that my sister's mother complies with treatment?  If she doesn't comply with treatment what do I do?  The hospice social workers have been helpful in some ways but this isn't really their area of expertise.

FWIW I want no relationship with that woman and had as little contact as possible for the 11 years since I graduated from college.  I promised my aunt that if she gets and complies fully with treatment I will do my best to be civil for the sake of my sister while maintaining as much distance as possible for me. 

[Sitara]

I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties. However, if the BPD in your life does not want to admit she has a problem (which is common) then there is no way you can force her to get help.

As far as your sister goes, I unfortunately have no advice. That is not a situation I'm familiar with but it sounds like you're already doing what you can. Would it be possible for you to take over care for her or get her someplace she can get the help she needs?

[coraliesolange]

Sigh, yeah, I know if she's been abusing us for this long she'll never do what's necessary but I guess I'm a little delusional too with the hope that maybe for the sake of my sister it could happen.  I have resources available for her but she's very resistant because she gets abused all the time, put down, told she's worthless, and she really believes it.  Sister actually believes she shouldn't be able to see a doctor because she's not worth it.

[Sitara]

I think it's normal to want the pwBPD to seek treatment and hope that there is some way to convince them to go. Despite the fact that I've realized I can't make my own uBPD mother want to change or seek help, there's still that little whisper in the back of my head going, maybe losing touch with me and her grandkids will be enough to make her want to change something about her life. But I'm not holding my breath and I wouldn't be shocked if I never hear from her again.

I'm sorry to hear that your sister doesn't think that she is worth enough to see a doctor. That really has to be a rough situation.