Triggers triggers everywhere I guess I need to move and become a hermit.

[pinkparchment]

Today has been rough. I do know why, but it's so small and pathetic I'm not going to share that. I've been weepy and teary all day. I tried to combat that by being strong and deleting the last couple of pieces of media I had of her, the final little video snippet and picture I had saved on my computer. It didn't work.

So I decided to go another route and make a mental list of everything that triggers me and found myself *almost* laughing about it.

So here are the things that make me cry/remind me of her/send me into a tailspin:

every song I hear

concerts, concert advertisements, ticket websites

gingers (she wasn't one but her ex was   )

elevators

libraries

Rainbows, anywhere, on anything (All things gay, because well... . she was super gay. And I was super gay for her.   )

Any combination of bright colors that could be considered rainbow-esque including tie-dye (anywhere), stripes with more than two colors present, and anything hot pink

The HRC logo

anything anywhere referring to equality

the word "equal" or "Equality" in any context, including on little pink packets (also had a job interview with the equal opportunity employment commission, even that was a trigger!)

Cafes

milk

tea

crepes

eggs

fish

fondue

cookie butter/biscoff butter

passing any place we ate

dave and busters

driving on her street (it's a major road in my city)

passing hotels we stayed in

my kids/grandmother/friends/classmates who didn't know we were dating asking me how she's doing

hearing or seeing her first name or her nickname (both pretty common)

hearing or seeing her family members' names

hearing her best friend's name

anything related to AA

Fibromyalgia commercials

dogs

cats

animals in general

the green couch in my study

ipads and associated applications namely Skype, FaceTime, spotify etc.

Any reference to Harlem

Roller derby, and anything involving the words "roller" or "derby" such as high rollers, hair rollers, kentucky derby, or Derby PA.

Helmets

knee pads

mouth guards

duct tape

qtips

mucinex

hookah bars

sushi

chopsticks

text bubbles

emoticons 

trader joe's

baggy jeans

the name of her state

the name of her city/metro area which is huge and mentioned at least daily and for some reason I imagine her as being the only human being who lives there

trying to have sex with my estranged(?) husband

trying to decide whether get a divorce from my estranged husband/best friend

trying to fantasize about ANYTHING besides her

a-holes driving and texting

Prius(es?)

Blue cars

celtic hearts

crocheted hats

hot weather

cold weather

throwing away stuff she gave me

wanting to wear something something she gave me that I threw away

wearing jewelry or clothes that she liked on me

wearing jewelry or clothes that I THINK she would like on me

wanting to wear jewelry or clothes of mine that I know she has

finding one of her socks in my laundry

masquerades and related... .

cherry blossoms (happy Spring!)

anyone mentioning Ireland

Books she recommended to me, books I recommended to her

going to supervision/campus

going to the campus health center

thrift stores

ridiculous fashion glasses

whac-a-mole

go-carts

taking my kids anywhere we took them (library, park etc)

sitting in parking lots for long periods of time

pretty much all of my underwear



Soo, it should be really easy to avoid all that stuff and get over her, right? 


Two fold question: one, what are some of the ridiculous or unavoidable things that remind you or your ex? At this point I think the healthiest thing to do is to have a sense of humor about it--at least for me.

and two, PLEASE tell me it gets better and that some point I will be able to drive somewhere or eat something or watch TV without thinking about and MISSING her!

[myself]

Lists of things that trigger memories of exes trigger me 

Also, seeing couples that are happy. And couples that look like they aren't happy.

Even finding that YES some days I do feel better can get me thinking about my ex. 

I realized this as I was eating something watching TV while driving. 

[chillamom]

oh, my, pink parchment!  I loved your list and nodded with recognition to many of your triggers…I hope you're not offended if I tell you I laughed a little!  There is no freaking escape for me either.  His name was Rich, and I can't even go to the damn supermarket with seeing "rich frosting", "rich and creamy" "rich and satisfying"….you get my drift!  I found myself getting teary eyed in the frozen aisle buying cool whip today.  I am a sad case!

[HealingForMe]

pinkparchment, wow, that really is a very full list. It must be very difficult, like you cant escape her

chillamom, I had an exgf called Mel & I worked for a courier company in Melbourne, so prob 1/3 of everything was labeled Mel. It drove me nuts 

[oldweasel]

Every time I'm getting into the shower and look in the mirrior... . HUGE heart/dagger tattoo on my chest with her name forever on it 

[pinkparchment]

Chilla, laugh away! I was laughing at myself! I giggled at your story, and healing's as well--the last time I had my heart broken, sophmore year of college, the guy's name was Will. Wills and trusts, WILL you pass me the salt, I WILL be there at ten. Absurd! At least when Apple Martin breaks someone's heart they will only be triggered by someone eating the occasional apple. 

Old weasel, maybe now you can look at it as a reminder that she stabbed you in the heart? Go back to the parlor and put a big "NO" sign around it. I have lots of tats but fortunately never a lover's name

Myself, I'm sorry to have triggered you, but to be fair the title of my post could probably have been interpreted as a warning. 

[myself]

It's good of us to face these things, reclaim them, erode the hold they have on us.