She constantly and consistently said I love you... Only to the dog?

[DB33]

For the longest if time I craved intimacy. Hugs, kisses, holding her hand while going for a walk together. And of course to hear her say I love you. But all of these things faded out of our relationship. Instead she turned to the dog. It got all the hugs all the kisses, a constant steam of over the top affection. She would tell it I love you in a odd elevated happy sappy voice so many times a day it became annoying. At first I was jealous of the dog (yes that one is a hard one to admit) all the affection she once directed at me was now given to the dog.

Her therapist mother once told me that was normal for a BPD to objectify a pet because the pet would not lie or cheat or abandon, and would willingly return affection no matter how poorly it was treated.

That kinda struck a chord. Have I been reduced to acting like a dog? Through all of it I was still willing to love her and take her back with open arms no matter how many times she kicked me into the corner.

Just wondering how common it is for anyone in a BPD relationship to lose to the dog?

[mywifecrazy]

That's weird because my uBPDxw did the opposite. She was all lovey dovey with me and our dog early in the relationship then she turned on both of us. Must have painted us both black. She was always yelling and screeching at our dog that was the most lovable black lab.

She even admitted how horrible she was to the dog after I had to put her down. She said she felt bad for the way she treated the dog... . I don't think I'll ever get an apology!

[blissful_camper]

Me too.  Not a dog but a cat.  A skittish cat.  Offering me little or no affection, he would stare at me while holding and kissing kitty in front of me, as if deliberately communicating that kitty was worthy of his affection, and I wasn't.  The look in his eyes when he did this was eerie.  It was as though he wanted me to compete with poor kitty.  

[froggy]

Last time I asked mine if he loved me he answered. ."like a dog." I use to take this as an insult untill we got another dog.

I WISH! He treats the dog better than any one in the house!

I use to use the analogy that I felt like a dog he kept tied out in the yard only giving affection when he remembered I was out there but still kicking every time he was angry or frustrated. ... told him like a dog you beat all the time I would run if I got a chance and not look back.

Chewing through the ropes to get free now... tired of being kicked.

[love2give]

Yes, my BPDexgf use to smoother and tell me and her dog how much she loved us in the beginning.  Toward the end it was just to her dog.  She would always reply "I love you too" but I started noticing they seemed to be just words so one day I looked into her eyes and said "but I hope you under stand how deeply and truly I love you" (this even after the way she treated me).  She responded by saying "Yes ok, is something wrong?".

Two and a half months after our break up and as if I didn't have enough of a hard time getting past this, I notice she gives "I love you's"  to many people on facebook.  She really truly is a 16 year old 41 year old in so many ways.

All this and much much more and I would still take her back in a heartbeat but no worries, she wants NOTHING to do with me.  That's what you get for giving EVERYTHING you have to someone.

I am definatly a more damaged person now than I have ever been.  I don't believe in the image of "love" the way I use to think it was which I thought I had the first few months with her.  Sorry if im confusing anyone.

[Unleashed]

Interesting comments, mine was a pet type too.  She'd show up with a pet from time to time without even consulting me.  I currently take care of 2 of her adoptions, even after the split.  She was in a get-rid-of stance with some of the pets she had drug in, so I am taking care of them. They listen to my troubles too 

Her therapist mother once told me that was normal for a BPD to objectify a pet because the pet would not lie or cheat or abandon, and would willingly return affection no matter how poorly it was treated.

Yes very true, pets take it, they also deliver excitement, until they age and settle down. Then just get another one. Perhaps it is a figurative display of adultery; one gets boring, bring another.  The kids are similar, berate them verbally but use them as emotional sponges.  The kids wisen out of it, pets won't.  One view of pet love is survival i.e. food., I still am more anthropomorphic about pets delivering the emotion we perceive they deliver, how would I know, I can't get mine to talk... .

[AwakenedOne]

Me too.  Not a dog but a cat.  A skittish cat.  Offering me little or no affection, he would stare at me while holding and kissing kitty in front of me, as if deliberately communicating that kitty was worthy of his affection, and I wasn't.  The look in his eyes when he did this was eerie.  It was as though he wanted me to compete with poor kitty. 

She did just about the same thing to me with the cat as you experienced. I agree it was eerie.

[Sunny Side]

My uBPDexgf was interesting with pets.  When she was in her early 30's just before she married she owned a pet who she said was/is the love of her life.  The pet (a Chow) used to bite everyone except her and eventually bit one of her young kids in the face.  They then got rid of her.   

Now she owns 3 little dogs (Pekingese, Shih-Tzu types) and alternates between loving them and hating them.  She calls them ":)umb Dog" or "Stupid Dog" as though those were their names.  These dogs are always fighting, biting people (kids included) and jumping on furniture and tearing things apart.  They're fed human food off the floor so they were always crawling on people's dinner plates.  It was total pet anarchy -- no boundaries!

I own a dog, too (a 70lb Boxer) who she loved.  He's pretty disciplined, doesn't jump on people, isn't allowed on furniture, (he has beds all around my house) and was a rescue.  My BPDex fell in love with the idea of going on runs with him or rollerblading with him (of the 100 or so times she said this I think she followed through perhaps twice  ).  She really loves dogs until they are not giving her attention or running to her on call.  Then they went from "Oh, pretty widdle puppy!" right back to "Stupid, dumb, disgusting dog."  Sound familiar  ?

[copeland]

My uBPDw is the same way with our two chinchillas, and she has said herself that she loves them because they are innocent, do not intentionally hurt you, lie to you, or cheat you.  She grew up with animals and is very much a pet person, but I think that they also fill an emotional need for her.  When she is angry with me, a common thing she does is refuse to let me help her clean the cages.  I do think that this love does not always translate over to responsibility though - although she is very engaged in their health (one of our chins has teeth problems) and has gotten very paranoid about them, initially I was responsible for taking them out to play, and she rarely cleans the cages and gets their food, except when she is angry with me!

[Roadtonowhere]

wow! If only she treated me as good as her dogs! Lol this hit home.

[Allmessedup]

Mine too lavished all her attention on her dog.  She has gotten rid of two other dogs in that period of time because they did not act the way that she wanted them to.  She let them go without a single tear.  The dog she has now she has already talked about rehoming.  She says she is not enough for him. 

Personally I have four dogs and I love them to pieces. But not how she does toward her dog... . it's really weird how she acts with him

[DB33]

Interesting replies, thank you.

Her dog is not yet a year old. My dog used to be her favorite, but she has split mine at various times for various reasons and so now has a new dog.

The level of affection she showers on her dog is way over the top, it reminds me of something a 5 year old would do.

But the stress of our breakup, her finances etc are taking their toll. Today when she came home her dog had chewed a nice pair of her shoes. Anger welled in her and she proceeded to strap on a shock collar and zap it at every misstep. Poor dog had no idea what was going on. I had to take the remote away from her.

I guess nobody is immune from getting painted black.

[itsnotme567]

I know my stbxuBPDw Loves her animals but something  confusing lately we have several animals in separate rooms belonging to her and her daughter and son in law I always take care of her cat And her dog still sleeps with me since she moved out of the bedroom  but sometimes out of the blue like just the other Night she txts me and asked if I would feed her cat. I wonder who she thinks has been taking care of the cat all the other nights.

[willy45]

Not me... . Unfortunately, as I am a dog person.

I did get yelled at though for petting a dog instead of her once. She tore into me and stomped up the stairs. When she came down and I was in a dark pit sitting on the couch, she asked me what was wrong and I told her that she just raged at me for petting a dog. She said no. She didn't. She didn't know what I was talking about.

She would smoother me with affection and love. But I started to realize that she would only do this when she wanted it. She would list a long list of things that she loved about me. I would say thanks, that's really sweet (although it felt a bit creepy, a bit awesome). She would then turn to me and ask me what I liked about her. I would list some stuff. Usually she would end up really disappointed. 'That's it' would usually be the reply. And then she would sulk. It was a thing.

[Jb101]

Fascinating thread. She does this to me all the time, showers them with attention, tells them she loves them... . and then throws it in my face asking if I'm jealous... .

Also loves them to be over active and wanting to see her every day etc. started walking them because they never get any exercise... . wasn't happy because they aren't as happy to see her (aka jumping all over the place).