Is this a what is called recycling?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Ok, so minimal contact for a few days... . we split up on holiday in Scotland, i'm with my family, she's with friends.

Today , the texts started, kind and loving from her, I told her I was going through my grief and neede space to do this. She was cool about this. She called me an hour ago and we spoke for a bit, easy going topics and then she said she still holds out a lot of hope for us... . that I am the man she reallty loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with, have kids etc. This is quite a change from " a horrible, despicable person, liar, sick etc... . " on Monday.

She said that her greatest wish is that I can heal my past, undergo intensive therapy and turn up on her door healed so that we can love each other forever. I will admit that there are issues from my childhood that are still not fully healed but I'm certain that it does not fall into the pathological category. So it seems convenient that my issues become the feature here and I take full responsibility for the breakdown in our relationship. I was neutral and just let her talk. She accepts that's it's over... . for now.

She has pleaded with me to spend some time with her before we go back to London and I get my stuff to move back up here to my people because we never know when we'll be together again. I told her that I won't stay in London with her anymore. Final.

Am I being set up for a recycle or is this a genuine attempt at a friendship?

[Lion Fire]

Ok, so minimal contact for a few days... . we split up on holiday in Scotland, i'm with my family, she's with friends.

Today , the texts started, kind and loving from her, I told her I was going through my grief and neede space to do this. She was cool about this. She called me an hour ago and we spoke for a bit, easy going topics and then she said she still holds out a lot of hope for us... . that I am the man she reallty loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with, have kids etc. This is quite a change from " a horrible, despicable person, liar, sick etc... . " on Monday.

She said that her greatest wish is that I can heal my past, undergo intensive therapy and turn up on her door healed so that we can love each other forever. I will admit that there are issues from my childhood that are still not fully healed but I'm certain that it does not fall into the pathological category. So it seems convenient that my issues become the feature here and I take full responsibility for the breakdown in our relationship. I was neutral and just let her talk. She accepts that's it's over... . for now.

She has pleaded with me to spend some time with her before we go back to London and I get my stuff to move back up here to my people because we never know when we'll be together again. I told her that I won't stay in London with her anymore. Final.

Am I being set up for a recycle or is this a genuine attempt at a friendship?

[woodsposse]

Hey

Monday you are the worst thing on the planet. Now you are held in higher regard.

all the problems are yours to fix.

does this sound like anything you want to be part of?

it doesn't really matter if any of us say it is a recycle or some attempt to be friends. This is about you

if this is a ride you want to be on... . friend or boyfriend... . go for it. Seems kind of crazy making behavior to me... . but that's just me.

we all have out baggage from childhood, but how does that make you crap one day and gold the next?

sounds all disordered to me.

but if that is what you want in your life, no one here is ever gonna stop you. Mostly because we know we couldn't anyway. Its all about you (which should be a good thing)

[fromheeltoheal]

Her turning on the sugar now is part of the push/pull nature of the disorder; she's feeling abandoned so time to suck up to you again, only to repeat.  And the claiming you're the sick one is projection.

I've been quoting something I read a lot lately: People who are emotionally healthy usually exit a relationship when this push/pull pattern becomes more and more evident. They do not have much need or tolerance for this level of romantic or emotional instability.

This is her push/pull, it's only a recycle if you buy it, thinking things will be different, and jump back in.

[AwakenedOne]

I am the man she really loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with, have kids etc. This is quite a change from " a horrible, despicable person, liar, sick etc... . " on Monday.

Don't let her brainwash you into believing that you are crazy, bad or that you are responsible for all the problems. My ex told me this cr*p. "Your the best" & "Your the worst". Mainly she told me I am the worst. I didn't believe it, but hearing it constantly from someone that's supposedly loves you is rough. Remember you are good person. Right? So since you are good -> make sure you expect others to treat you good also. You deserve it. Good luck and keep us updated bro.

AO

[Lion Fire]

In an 8 hour period we have a total change of atmosphere 

This morning it has been a series of abusive texts from 0630-930.

I shake my head... . "liar, con artist, cheat, abuser etc... . "

She has threatened to out me to all of my friends, colleagues and family if I don't admit that I am "a liar, con artist, cheat, abuser etc... . " She has demanded that I tell them that I was the cause of our break up.

She wants to know the reasons that I am all of the above. NOW.

This is ridiculous. I wonder what lengths she will go to to destroy me. I am fearful that a smear campaign may affect my livelihood and reputation. She has really escalated things today.

I am fearful and anxious right now and not quite sure how to handle this.

I have expensive equipment and valuable in her house which she has already threatened to destroy/sell.

Panic!

[AwakenedOne]

She will probably end up looking like a lunatic as she tries to smear you. Careful what you do or say now.

[Lion Fire]

Yeah, I'm lying low... . the texts have got worse.

"you are sick, sick, sick... . ugly inside and out... . F**k you "

She has deleted me from Fb, blocked whatsapp etc.

The only thing that ties us know is my stuff in her flat in London. I can't afford to write this off. These are my work tools and clothes. I think I should inform the police if this gets worse because I can see her blackmailing me with money or something.

I am really anxious and frightened now!

[heartandwhole]

Lion Fire,

I'm sorry you are going through this, I know I'd be anxious, too.  It is really hard to stay calm in the midst of these kinds of messages.   

Can you get back to London before she does and move your stuff out?

[free-n-clear]

Can you get back to London before she does and move your stuff out?

    I was about to say exactly the same thing.

    If you can, DO IT. Don't let her know. Don't say anything to anyone. Just do it.

[Lion Fire]

No, I can't get into the flat. She has taken my set of keys.

I called the police to ask what my rights are. They said that I have the right to get my stuff from the apartment. I have two options 1. arrange for them to meet us there on my arrival and they will ensure a safe passage for me or 2. If hell breaks out while I am there, I can call them and they will come out to the apartment and let me get my stuff. I also reported the abusive texts etc and they have taken note of this.

I haven't heard from her since 11am.

We are due to fly back to London together on Thursday. I'm dreading the next days. My holiday has been completely ruined and I am a bag of nerves.

I can't believe this situation. It's mad!

[heartandwhole]

I called the police to ask what my rights are. They said that I have the right to get my stuff from the apartment. I have two options 1. arrange for them to meet us there on my arrival and they will ensure a safe passage for me or 2. If hell breaks out while I am there, I can call them and they will come out to the apartment and let me get my stuff. I also reported the abusive texts etc and they have taken note of this.

If you think she will damage your belongings, I would go for option #1.  You are not alone, other members have done this. 

This is a nerve-wracking situation to be in, for sure.  Hang in there.  Try to breathe and stay calm.  Take care of business as soon as you can.  Then take some space to heal. 

I'm sorry this is happening, Lion Fire.  We're here for you.

[Lion Fire]

Thank you heartandwhole for your support.

I'm in shock. This whole episode has completely floored me.

I can't believe that things have deteriorated to this level. It started as a storm in a tea cup 2 weeks ago has now escalated into accusations of infidelity, being a con man on top of extremely hurtful insults about my physical appearance, my character and my ability as a man.

Absolutely Dreadful.

[fromheeltoheal]

Something similar happened with us; she chose to launch into a bunch of devaluation in a crowded restaurant and then started drinking.  I'd had enough, so I left her there, drove to her place, kicked the door in, got my stuff and left.  Not necessarily recommending it as an option for you, but it worked for me.