Last Night We Met Again

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Last night we finally met. It's been about two weeks that we've been trying to lock a date on the calendar but everytime she would act so busy and call it off. So finally last Tuesday I told her to pick ANY date on the calendar that would work for her. She picked Sunday.

I got home at 9p.m. and she played the I'm broke card hoping I'd take her out AGAIN. Nope, didn't work this time. I had booze at home so we went home, I put some music on, got the drinks going and we started talking.

Yesterday was 4/20 so of course she had smoked. Her eyes were red and puffy and her mind looked to be elsewhere.

She was very cold at first. In fact, she looked like someone was holding her at gunpoint forcing her to answer questions for the first 10 minutes... . She finally started opening up and we laughed some sharing memories.

She propped herself up on the couch and leaned towards me. I suppose she wanted a compliment  but I never gave it to her.

Sure enough she left early (after barely 1hr) and I made the mistake to look at the clock and say:

"This early?".

Of course, the drama started. Cries cries cries and more cries.

Her-"Why are you trying to make me feel bad about it"

Me- "Pardon?".

Her- "You're trying to make me feel bad because I'm tired and babysat my sister's baby all day, I'm sorry I didn't plan on being this tired" *sobs*

Me- "I'm sorry you feel that way I really didn't mean it in that sense, if you need to go there's no problem with me".

Her- "But you're making me feel bad"

Me(getting frustrated)- "I'm really not, if you need to go I understand. Thanks for stopping by".

Her- "Why are you so mean? Just the way you say it!"

Me- "... . "

She calmed down, I hugged her goodbye.

She wants to meet again Wednesday but I told her I couldn't meet with her this week at all and next week will be too busy as well.

She's shared with me the hard time she's having financially, which I really don't understand as she moved back to her father's house where she pays close to nothing compared to when she was living here (paid 1/2 of the bills).

It felt good to see her. I no longer have to put up with all this nonsense.

I feel sorry for her, at the same time I want to help her. A part of me likes to hang on to those good memories we've had, especially in the beginning of our relationship.

Seeing her yesterday allowed me to take a step back and look at the big picture.

This morning I'm doing good and I hope it'll stay that way. Tomorrow's going to be a full month that we've parted ways.

[AchingHeart]

Last night we finally met. It's been about two weeks that we've been trying to lock a date on the calendar but everytime she would act so busy and call it off. So finally last Tuesday I told her to pick ANY date on the calendar that would work for her. She picked Sunday.

I got home at 9p.m. and she played the I'm broke card hoping I'd take her out AGAIN. Nope, didn't work this time. I had booze at home so we went home, I put some music on, got the drinks going and we started talking.

Yesterday was 4/20 so of course she had smoked. Her eyes were red and puffy and her mind looked to be elsewhere.

She was very cold at first. In fact, she looked like someone was holding her at gunpoint forcing her to answer questions for the first 10 minutes... . She finally started opening up and we laughed some sharing memories.

She propped herself up on the couch and leaned towards me. I suppose she wanted a compliment  but I never gave it to her.

Sure enough she left early (after barely 1hr) and I made the mistake to look at the clock and say:

"This early?".

Of course, the drama started. Cries cries cries and more cries.

Her-"Why are you trying to make me feel bad about it"

Me- "Pardon?".

Her- "You're trying to make me feel bad because I'm tired and babysat my sister's baby all day, I'm sorry I didn't plan on being this tired" *sobs*

Me- "I'm sorry you feel that way I really didn't mean it in that sense, if you need to go there's no problem with me".

Her- "But you're making me feel bad"

Me(getting frustrated)- "I'm really not, if you need to go I understand. Thanks for stopping by".

Her- "Why are you so mean? Just the way you say it!"

Me- "... . "

She calmed down, I hugged her goodbye.

She wants to meet again Wednesday but I told her I couldn't meet with her this week at all and next week will be too busy as well.

She's shared with me the hard time she's having financially, which I really don't understand as she moved back to her father's house where she pays close to nothing compared to when she was living here (paid 1/2 of the bills).

It felt good to see her. I no longer have to put up with all this nonsense.

I feel sorry for her, at the same time I want to help her. A part of me likes to hang on to those good memories we've had, especially in the beginning of our relationship.

Seeing her yesterday allowed me to take a step back and look at the big picture.

This morning I'm doing good and I hope it'll stay that way. Tomorrow's going to be a full month that we've parted ways.

[Aussie0zborn]

Aching Heart, I am thinking you are going to have more than an aching heart if you continue this contact.  You are being manipulated again ... . just  the mention of her financial woes and the way you're wondering how that could possibly be, confirms that.

We all want to help and that's what gets us into these messy and hurtful relationships. As has often been mentioned here, we are not qualified to help.  I think you are doing yourself a disservice again. Keep away.

[AchingHeart]

Oh wow, I guess I didn't look at it this way.

You're right. It no longer is my problem.

To be honest, it was overall a positive experience.

I'm slowly coming to understand what I felt for her was empathy and not so much love. 

The whole crying part was just unbelievable. That's when I realized I didn't miss this at all 

I'm going to try to go NC with her.

[coolioqq]

^ Awesome, you sound like you are ahead of the curve with detachment. Even if you fall into rumination afterwards, go back to your post - it's an important realization.

As for "financial woes," I don't know about your ex, but I merely started dating mine and there she was about to burst into tears over a (what I now think is supposed) "situation" at work where she was not going to get some money she was hoping for... . I didn't get the hint, fortunately, but she was expecting the "no worries, sweetheart, I'll give you whatever the money you were hoping for... . " Try not to fall for that kinda stuff. My ex went to a pre-planned trip with her friends after I went NC. She was most probably looking for a way to recover that money since it was a considerable amount for her lazy behind to earn back. Note that I didn't feel this way back then - I am surprised I didn't fall for it.

Advice: she shouldn't be your problem anymore, financially or otherwise... .

[willy45]

Good for you. Go NC. The way you described the interaction would have been word for word a zillion convos I had with my ex. 'Why are you being so mean to me' was the most common refrain. That and the flip side: Why can't you be nice to me. I'm the nicest guy. Which is probably why I got into this mess... .