She always runs away

[Should I stay or...]

Please read the post on the newbie board for the full story... . Re: She always runs away!

Should I stay or should I go now, has been my tag line when I first posted this thread, not knowing if I would ever hear from her again, and if I did what would I do, stay or go myself?

here's an update   



my little run away... . it's been over 4weeks since I've seen or heard from my gf... my letter to her mentioned in this post was answered 4 weeks ago via a text message, her message read; that she'll always love me... . followed up by a phone call the following morning asking me to please honor her request that she didn't want me to contact her anymore because our r/s had run its course... . I had honored her request and I went nc... . killing me softly with every passing day.

I was out this Memorial weekend having a beer in a local pub when my phone vibrates dispalying her name, mind you, her name started with and A and would always show up on my contact list so, I had purposely added a Z to her name so I wouldn't inadvertently be reminded of her when I searched for other contacts. So, ZA displayed on my phone with two words, New Hope! A city we had revisited on a Memorial weekend last year... . wow, she is alive! I replied yes, great memories, a great love! I told her that I was in the next town and would she like to go for a ride, i'll come get you. She said yes and we spent the rest of the weekend together... .

Here's an abbreviated update, please reply and i'll write more later. She stayed in therapy without any outside influence from me and started an SSRI medication since we parted. New Hope is not only a city but a feeling that I get when I think of her now... . should I?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Should I stay or...]

more... .

Knowing now that ZA has taken charge of her own life; finding her own home, settlement is end of June, and continuing in a process of helping herself through therapy and medication is jaw dropping. She has given me cause to reevaluate her as well as myself in our r/s. I will tread lightly and possibly reopen the door that's been shut to my heart... . if I feel it's safe to do so. I'll continue to post and ask for support as I walk on... .

I have to mention this: she asked me over the weekend what I needed from her in this relationship? Oh my!

I told her I didn't need much but since she asked there were two missing pieces to my happiness. One, that I need constancy in this r/s, the big picture needs to viewed rather than a specific event, such as a conversation that could possibly change your opinion of me... we went on to discuss the painting to black concept that occurs unknowingly. She had remembered while both of us had attending a therapy session that she mentioned that she see's the world as black or white. She seemed to understand. The other, was if she could possibly be my rescuer at times. That I needed her emotional support too. "That's it she said". I said, "That's it, not much."

Should I stay or should I go now... . is staying.

[TiggerGirl]

That's good to hear! Its good to see her moving in the right direction. Wish more of us were that lucky and I wish my uBPDh was that motivated, but he seems to be in a standstill right now.

Just remember to take care of yourself, that's the most important part since you need to be happy and healthy too since being in a realtionship with BPD can be draining on all fronts. And its always one day and step at a time, which I've been told by many.

I hope things continue to look up for you 

[Should I stay or...]

Thanks TG,

I hear you, one day at a time, step by step. I will cautiously be aware of my feelings as I try again. This time the playing field seems to be level. I hope, a new hope.

[Fanie]

Keep us posted on this same thread

May God bless

[Should I stay or...]

thanks fanie, I will... .

a first-aide kit might be needed if we stumble... . and I know we will.

[cosmonaut]

thanks fanie, I will... .

a first-aide kit might be needed if we stumble... . and I know we will.

BPD relationships are never easy, but learning the tools can really help.  If we are staying, we have to accept things the way that they are, which means accepting that our partner is disordered.  That doesn't mean we can't love them and be happy with them.  It just means accepting that they have a disorder and sometimes that will show itself.  It will also mean accepting that we must change the way that we relate to our partner in light of their needs.  Staying means changing our behavior too. 

Good luck, Should.  I wish you two all the best.  Keep us posted how things go, and know that this forum is always here to support you.   

[Should I stay or...]

Thanks Cosmo,

I hear you and understand... . the books I've read and, will reread again, delve into how to stay in the relationship. Learning the tools for better communication and acceptance is my new quest. I'll give this a more than 100% knowing that I may get back 50%... .

funny thing about these departures, I never have held any malice towards ZA, I know she doesn't intentionally want to hurt me her intentions are to protect herself. There's comfort in knowing that she may understand this dance... . or at least wants to reach out and grab my hand again to try.

[TiggerGirl]

Yes, reading the books and learning as much as you can has been a great tool. I have highlighted and reread, trying to absorb as much information as I can so I can put that into practice. It will take some time for some of the tools to become second nature because you don't realize how many bad habits you have to break of your own to make the other person feel better.

And giving our all is all we can do when we decide to stay even though our partner may not be capable of giving us their all in return. It takes alot of inner strength, something I didn't realize I had until my uBPDh left me for the second time. You just have to have a lot of faith in what you believe you can do, not just for yourself, but for them too.

I pray that she does reach for your hand again, it certainly sounds like she is moving in the right direction. 

[LoveLove]

Hello,

I am new to this forum and just posted my own story on here as well. Where do I go to read your full story? I too seem to be in the same situation and wanted your feedback. And I can relate in wanting to make it work... . as hard as it is to be on this emotional rollercoaster... . I feel that if one truly loves someone, it is worth the fight.

One moment they want you, and the next they don't want you to contact them ever again... . it's frustrating to say the least.   

[Should I stay or...]

Hi LL,

Go to the newbie post and check the second page, the title is the same... . she always runs away... . i'll be glad to share and help if I can... let me know.

[LoveLove]

Thank you!