Finally Free

[Indigo Sky]

7 years ago I married a lady. Two years later I was wondering what was going on. I felt like I was going crazy.  The stress effected my health that led to several medical conditions. That started my journey to this site and learning about BPD. My wife kicked me out and took everything.

A week after finally leaving the first wife I entered into a relationship and then marriage to a lady who is most probably narcissistic. Over the next three years she attacked me several times, threatened to kill me and the stress of her game playing and constant harassment almost killed me.

We have been separated for over a year now and going through the divorce process.

Have been NC with her for almost a year now and today May 14, 2014 I finally deleted all my pictures from the last 7 years.

Finally free.

No children involved and so I am lucky.

Groveled and crawled back to both women. Weak and indecisive.

WAS a caretaker, now I have learned to take care of myself and be aware of others that would take advantage of me.

My character is relaxed and I do enjoy life but the moment someone crosses my boundaries the yellow flag comes up. I no longer associate with others who do not respect me or my boundaries. No contact.

THE ONLY WAY TO WIN WITH an ex BPD OR NPD PARTNER IS NOT TO PLAY. NO CONTACT. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. IF YOU PLAY THEIR GAME. YOU LOOSE.

Today I am happy and free!

Wishing everyone the best here! Your life can turn around!

Take care

[letmeout]

I learned that NO contact is the ONLY way to get free of a BPD or NPD person in your life.

[Ihope2]

Yes, I must agree.  Once it is over, it must be over for good.  Since a personality disordered individual (who is not in recovery) has great boundary issues, and is unable to stick to appropriate behaviour, they will not respect the rules of disengagement.

It is a lot less complicated when there are no children from the relationship.  I have been very lucky in that regard, too.

Thank you Indigo Sky.

It has also dawned on me, that I have some other friendships with inappropriate people who do not make me feel safe.  They also cross my boundaries and communicate with me in a disrespectful way.  Just yesterday, one of my former friends checked in with me with a three or four sentence email.  Something like this "Hi how r u?  The divorce done yet?  I had a guy at my house the other day, he saw a photo of you and he's  quite interested.  Wants me to send another photo of you."

That's done it for me - no contact with her either.  Cheers, and bye-bye if you cannot show me some basic respect and empathy in this difficult time.  

[Indigo Sky]

Hi Letmeout and Ihope2,

Thanks for sharing and hope for you both better days ahead!

Breaking no contact means we let them have power over us.

[Infared]

"THE ONLY WAY TO WIN WITH an ex BPD OR NPD PARTNER IS NOT TO PLAY. NO CONTACT. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. IF YOU PLAY THEIR GAME. YOU LOOSE. " -Indigo Sky

This would be my personal experience too, but I want to keep that in the "I". There are some who are not so sure and I want to respect their space as well.

In my experience, though,  I was in a relationship, my ex playing some game, where they had all the rules which were always changed to benefit them.  Of course I was the cause of any and every problem and they were always the victim... . ALWAYS... . and this is what they told family and friends. ( and God knows what else!... . to make them the victim and manipulate the situation). That is my experience as well. Top it off that my ex was pretty and demure (when needed) and could really "turn it on". Who was going to believe the 6'1" older guy about what was REALLY going on.

No one. 

Quite painful.