What a week

[tribalmart]

WOW what a week!

2 weeks ago I broke n/c with my exBPDgf (undiagnosed) after 7 weeks in a row without contact. I sent her an e-mail only about change adress/mail issue and then I tought about sendind her a Christmas letter... .I tought about that for a week.

Last tuesday, Finaly I wrote her that "holidays letter", to let her know my mood about our past r/s... .that I still dont understand why she had been so dishonnest and such a liar without empathy. Also that I'm ok with the fact that in life sometimes we dont obtain answers to our questioning... .that I'm more peaceful and serene about the break-up and that she's already with someone else. Here is the progess of her reaction.

Tuesday - She answered quickly... .it's was clear, coherent. With respect, she told me being happy with her new boyfriend, that she tought everything has been said about us. That our story was alot more passionnate than  with him (the replacement). Otherwise, they are looking in the same direction... .having baby, wedding... .(Note / From the very first start of our r/s I told her that I had a vasectomy... .she always said that the all lies, cheating and harassment was because of this non-desire to have a kid from her, this is why she became so insane).

**** It's amazing how logical, serene, smart, mature she looked... .I was Under a shock! ****

Wednesday - Soon in the morning, she texted me because she wanted to transfer money in my bank account for me to buy a Christmas gift to my daugther ? In the past, she used to manipulate trough my daughter. I said "NO, i'm not comfortable with this offer but I apreciate alot just because only thinking abour her is a gift" And we started to chat about all and nothing for the next 2 days. She told me about her new boyfriend and said some weird things about him. "It's was not love at first sight like us, I will never find it again but I have learned to love him... .love passion does'nt last you know" + "I know you have seen him on FB... .don't worry you did'nt see good pictures of him, if he looked that way, that style I would never be with him lool" It ended a 11 pm.

Thursday - Still chating about all and nothing but I decided to confront her. I went ":)o you think it's normal to chat like that for 2 days non stop with your ex, you will try to make me belive you're happy... .you seemed confused?" She started to changed her speech and suddently the replacement was a charming prince, she wanted to do evertyhing to be honnest with him and especially not doing again the mistakes she did with me. I told her that her speech was very contradictory... .that she was saying bad things about him + chatting with me for 2 days BUT she says she's vey happy with him? It does'nt match? Finaly I asked her to take a coffee... .she said that she needed time to think about it.

Friday- No news from her... .no text, email... .nothing!

Saturday - She told me that taking a coffee would me dishonnest for her new boyfriend... .that she's happy with him but she can give me some minutes to answer my questions. I said no, it has to be a mutual desire... .When I first refused, she tried to convince me... .this time I told her that my invitation has been impulsive and that I myself needed to re-think about that.

Sunday morning (today)- At 9ham, I received a text. She went "What about the coffee, still ready?" I told her that after deep reflection I would not go. I think she has'nt changed... .still a liar (she says shes in love with him but text me for 4 days / says weird thing about him / want to meet me) I told her that I wanted to take a coffe with someone true! someone with whom I can have a real and honnest discussion to close the book once for all. I will not loose my time with an ex who will play a game in front of me by embelishing her life... I'm an open book and that's what I want from her. Speech does'nt match with what she is doing. I wished her good luck and there will be no meeting.

I know that it was a mistake to break N/c to a such level... .I am very confused but the positive point is that I think she has'nt changed. Why is she behave that way? One side of her seems to be in love with him and having good intention... .but it does'nt match... .when in love you don't play like that... .on tuesday her answer let me breathless but all the rest is useless and reflect her mindset.

Comment... .?

[Joem678]

Wow! 

Ive been in NC for two months and when I have some urge to break it, I know breaking it would be wrong.  You see, in my case I know breaking NC would cause my life to go through what you just went through.  They don't grieve but put their feelings away.  At least, that is what it feels like.  I have kids with my pwBPD.  I know that, I can't go NC forever.  But, I also know, that she will always try.

I'm sure you will be writing "What a second week!"    I hope not.

[tribalmart]

Joem, you were right... .

I tought that by :

- Refusing meeting her for a coffee,

- Ending our conversation by "good bye and goodluck"

- She is already with someone else and claim to love him... .to see a future with him! Say never wanna be dishonnest with him and blablablabla

But guess what... .she just sent me a job offer that she saw on a job website? I already have a good job... .I was looking for something else a couple months ago... .And she add a "We had great moments together" She's soo weird... .what is that means? She's just impossible to understand... .