A life without consequence?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

So although I have 'Blocked' pwBPD from Twitter, strangely I can still see her twitter feed... . This has led to some really insightful discoveries and I would just like to hear your thoughts on some stuff... .

There ar a tonne of 'inspirational' quotes retweeted and alot of them refer to 'being the real you' and find freedom in being yourself and finding people who allow you to be the real you.

With pwBPD she had a tendency o live impulsively and this would often affect her finances and her well being - I would try and talk her out of bad decisions to safe guard her because I could see it would end badly.

Now she has painted me black and told me to stay out of her life, could it be that she felt trapped by my concern and now I am no longer a part of her life, does she feel that she is free to live recklessly and chaoticlly without question or judgement (I would never judge her negatively, I just just wanted her to make the best of herself and be happy).


Would anyone hear say that PWBPD tend to paint people black if they feel that there is an expectation from them or they feel confined in some way?

[GlitterBug]

So although I have 'Blocked' pwBPD from Twitter, strangely I can still see her twitter feed... . This has led to some really insightful discoveries and I would just like to hear your thoughts on some stuff... .

There ar a tonne of 'inspirational' quotes retweeted and alot of them refer to 'being the real you' and find freedom in being yourself and finding people who allow you to be the real you.

With pwBPD she had a tendency o live impulsively and this would often affect her finances and her well being - I would try and talk her out of bad decisions to safe guard her because I could see it would end badly.

Now she has painted me black and told me to stay out of her life, could it be that she felt trapped by my concern and now I am no longer a part of her life, does she feel that she is free to live recklessly and chaoticlly without question or judgement (I would never judge her negatively, I just just wanted her to make the best of herself and be happy).


Would anyone hear say that PWBPD tend to paint people black if they feel that there is an expectation from them or they feel confined in some way?

[GlitterBug]

I forgot to add that a recent tweet was as follows:

''By doing evil, one defiles oneself; by avoiding evil, one purifies oneself.

Purity and impurity depend upon oneself; No one can purify another''

I don't know if this is some shrouded reference to me as being 'evil' as alot her tweets seem to have some reference to the breakdown of our relationship, or could this be an insight into how she feels about herself.

Who knows!

[maternal]

You probably shouldn't worry about what she's tweeting.

Don't internalize any of it and don't take any of it personal.  She's gonna do what she's gonna do and it really has nothing to do with you.

[slimmiller]

I have noticed that when my exBPD does this and goes on an intense 'moral trip'  (after mulitudes of affairs lies etc etc) and force my kids into going to church and walk the straight and Holy path, its really much more about what she is trying to MAKE herself do. Remember, they are hollow and are looking to 'stuff' good things (my Ts words) into it to try and feel good about themselves.

When she spews all the righteous stuff and preaches morality or what ever, she is trying to look good and really is trying to tell herself that, not you. 

Same with when they so 'intensly' love you like they NEVER loved someone. Its really them trying to believe it and its almost believeable if they can sell it to you and get you to believe it. For a brief moment it then also becomes true for them

I am not dissing any of their attempts at doing these things, just saying its about them, not you :'(

[GlitterBug]

You probably shouldn't worry about what she's tweeting.

Don't internalize any of it and don't take any of it personal.  She's gonna do what she's gonna do and it really has nothing to do with you.

I didn't say that it was anything to do with me, she is obviously free to tweet what she likes - I was just asking for some opinions and insight.

[GlitterBug]

I have noticed that when my exBPD does this and goes on an intense 'moral trip'  (after mulitudes of affairs lies etc etc) and force my kids into going to church and walk the straight and Holy path, its really much more about what she is trying to MAKE herself do. Remember, they are hollow and are looking to 'stuff' good things (my Ts words) into it to try and feel good about themselves.

When she spews all the righteous stuff and preaches morality or what ever, she is trying to look good and really is trying to tell herself that, not you. 

Same with when they so 'intensly' love you like they NEVER loved someone. Its really them trying to believe it and its almost believeable if they can sell it to you and get you to believe it. For a brief moment it then also becomes true for them

I am not dissing any of their attempts at doing these things, just saying its about them, not you :'(

Thanks for your insight! Yeah I didn't really think of it like that but  can see what you mean by them trying to convince themselves of something that they want to be true about themselves.

As with many folks on here, the behaviour we have experienced as a result of the disorder is anything but 'righteous' or 'moral'... It's damn right cruel.

[maternal]

I think that just by thinking that she's tweeted about you and the relationship, you have, in some small way, made it about you.  I know that isn't necessarily the same thing as taking it personal, but I've been trapped in the thinking that it's about me, too, and it's not a good time. 

In my experience, my ex was very judgmental about everyone and everything.  He knew better than anyone.  His way was always the best way.  He doesn't spend much time on social media, and I've stopped searching for his presence, but I know that I'm the bad guy and I'm sure he's told... . someone... something about how terrible I am.  He was so back and forth and all over the place that I had to stop trying to talk sense into him.  One day it was "I hate my job," and of course I encouraged him to find another... . but that became "I hate you because I stayed at this job for you, for us, to take care of you and us." And now he's stuck there, with no real growth or opportunity to do so because of the pay.  And that's my fault too, of course.  Yes, I am evil. 

He tells himself the same types of things that your ex tweets all the time.  He always has.  Unfortunately for me, I did love him for who he was.  I just didn't love me.  I think he has an idea of "who he'd like to be" and it is reflected in his writing (when he's not writing about his pain), but he doesn't put action to those words and I think that probably makes him dislike himself even more.  Which in turn makes him act out even more.

[GlitterBug]

I think that just by thinking that she's tweeted about you and the relationship, you have, in some small way, made it about you.  I know that isn't necessarily the same thing as taking it personal, but I've been trapped in the thinking that it's about me, too, and it's not a good time. 

In my experience, my ex was very judgmental about everyone and everything.  He knew better than anyone.  His way was always the best way.  He doesn't spend much time on social media, and I've stopped searching for his presence, but I know that I'm the bad guy and I'm sure he's told... . someone... something about how terrible I am.  He was so back and forth and all over the place that I had to stop trying to talk sense into him.  One day it was "I hate my job," and of course I encouraged him to find another... . but that became "I hate you because I stayed at this job for you, for us, to take care of you and us." And now he's stuck there, with no real growth or opportunity to do so because of the pay.  And that's my fault too, of course.  Yes, I am evil. 

He tells himself the same types of things that your ex tweets all the time.  He always has.  Unfortunately for me, I did love him for who he was.  I just didn't love me.  I think he has an idea of "who he'd like to be" and it is reflected in his writing (when he's not writing about his pain), but he doesn't put action to those words and I think that probably makes him dislike himself even more.  Which in turn makes him act out even more.

The blame apportioning is something that I really struggle to understand.

I was told that what had happened had been all my fault and that I was unable to take accountability for my actions - I'm usually told by other friends and family that I'm too hard on myself sometimes and during the time I was split white by pwBPD, she agreed to! But the moment I was split Black, that was it! I never took any accountability, I started the argument, I wanted the argument, I wanted kick her when she was down ect ect ect.

None of these things are in my nature, I definitely have faults but I'm not the spiteful person she accused me of being, and all the while she remains this saintly figure who has nothing to be sorry for - I don't understand how she can justify that to herself.

The mind boggles!

[Springle]

The whole inspirational quotes thing seems (from my experience anyway) to be something that pwBPD do a lot.

I mean don't get me wrong we all love a bit of wisdom every now and again but I find that pwBPD are more incline to post them more often (along with 'shocking' articles of injustice and 'heart warming' stories of how this dog helped this old man with their own captions on how human beings but only animals are capable of this love etc etc.).

“We're all a little weird and life's a little weird. And when we find someone who's weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness call it love.”

― Dr. Seuss

^Definitely one of the most popular ones I've seen; always spy it in cover photos etc of those I get the impression are a little bit off the rails.

It's a lovely quote but it's kind of become really b*stardized by pwPD as a way of attempting to justify their aggressive/negative behaviour and destructive relationships. That is NOT what love is about.

A lot of Marilyn Monroe quotes I see too.

"But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

― Marilyn Monroe

^This one a lot. Frustratingly I once accidentally used it in an argument with my ex not long after we broke up, I didn't realise it was an MM quote, guess who told me it (without revealing it's source), yep you guessed, a pwBPD who was using me to get into a relationship with my ex. Once again a quote on it's own that isn't bad at all but could be used to defend disrespectful and unacceptable behaviour. I kicked myself when I realised it was an MM quote, because, as I said, I think the quote is quite good but considering the context of where it came from, yeeesh it must of made me sound like I was off my rocker!

I don't know why they do it. Perhaps it's a way to make them feel cleansed? Encourage people to see if from their point of view? Or validate their actions?

[fromheeltoheal]

Would anyone hear say that PWBPD tend to paint people black if they feel that there is an expectation from them or they feel confined in some way?

Someone who suffers from BPD does not have a fully formed 'self', so they attach to someone else to 'complete' them, not in a healthy two autonomous individuals forming a mutually beneficial partnership kind of way, but in an unhealthy fusing of the psyches to become one person kind of way.  Problem is the line between you and her disappears in such an attachment, the borderline loses themselves, or feels engulfed in shrink-speak, so feels compelled to push you away to regain whatever footing they had.  So out comes the black paint brush, you're now the scapegoat, the scumbag, and if enough emotional distance opens up between you, she'll feel abandoned, time to get close again, the cycle repeats, until your head explodes or you leave.

You being the scapegoat also serves double duty of being a place to dump all her negative self-perceptions on, projection as a common defense mechanism we all use to some extent, but a borderline can be so black and white that in those moments you actually are the scum of the earth with 100% negative qualities, a successful projection.

The trap many of us fall into is to become obsessed with getting back to Eden, and that obsession becomes the stand-in for love in our heads; it's very beneficial to learn and dig there, as we heal and grow moving forward.  But to start, is looking at her Twitter posts and reading between the lines a component of that obsession for you?