The other shoe?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have been in a holding pattern in regards to my impending divorce.

I tried to have a conversation with my exBPDw 3 months ago and it went downhill quickly with her lashing out at me ( she cheated and left... . 3 rd recycle for us... . 5 yr r/s... 2 yrs married)... . so I went strictly NC... . no calls... social media etc etc

I wanted to mediate our divorce for certain protections and she refused ... . so I hired an attorney and had all the paperwork drawn up... . the ex was contacted and fully cooperated with sending in all the necessary financial docs etc... . and I signed and we sent them along to her(we live a distance apart in the same state) for her signatures.

I have now waited 4 weeks and nothing has been returned... . mind you... . she hasn't paid a penny up to this point... . I just wanted it over and done with so I have been the one to retain the attorney.

We have tried to contact her and she has not returned any calls

My question is... . Is this where the shoe drops!

My ex and I seemed to be heading toward a court date and all of a sudden she's refusing to cooperate?

My gut tells me something has triggered her big time... .

I know she has a replacement and she also was in constant contact with the ex before me so why can't she just move on with this.

Is this her just jerking me around one last time for control?

Always high conflict... . it's has just sent me reeling... .

I can feel all the anger return all over again... . just when I was beginning to think I was making some progress with getting on with my life... .

This is so very frustrating. 

[Cimbaruns]

I have been in a holding pattern in regards to my impending divorce.

I tried to have a conversation with my exBPDw 3 months ago and it went downhill quickly with her lashing out at me ( she cheated and left... . 3 rd recycle for us... . 5 yr r/s... 2 yrs married)... . so I went strictly NC... . no calls... social media etc etc

I wanted to mediate our divorce for certain protections and she refused ... . so I hired an attorney and had all the paperwork drawn up... . the ex was contacted and fully cooperated with sending in all the necessary financial docs etc... . and I signed and we sent them along to her(we live a distance apart in the same state) for her signatures.

I have now waited 4 weeks and nothing has been returned... . mind you... . she hasn't paid a penny up to this point... . I just wanted it over and done with so I have been the one to retain the attorney.

We have tried to contact her and she has not returned any calls

My question is... . Is this where the shoe drops!

My ex and I seemed to be heading toward a court date and all of a sudden she's refusing to cooperate?

My gut tells me something has triggered her big time... .

I know she has a replacement and she also was in constant contact with the ex before me so why can't she just move on with this.

Is this her just jerking me around one last time for control?

Always high conflict... . it's has just sent me reeling... .

I can feel all the anger return all over again... . just when I was beginning to think I was making some progress with getting on with my life... .

This is so very frustrating. 

[Turkish]

We could madden ourselves trying to understand what they are thinking, because its driven by the fickle nature of emotions which they can't always control. What does your L advise? Might be a good question to move the the law board.

I am still in LC with my uBPDx, as much as I can parenting with her. After months of she resisting filing a legal joint custody agreement, she caved (I would have done it anyway, but I wanted to get her on board to reduce conflict.

I sent her a draft copy of the stipulation (just the custody, not the CS), and she replied, "looks good," like she didn't even read it. I expected an argument over details (she's a very detail oriented person at her job), but it's like she's a different person. Weird. Mirroring the carefree , immaturity of her young Narcissist (my replacement?). Could be... .  

She's not love attached to you anymore so it may be her personality changed as well. I'm not going to theorize anymore, as it wouldn't be helpful...

Is there any lingering FOG on your side, or are you ready to go it alone and be done?

[Cimbaruns]

Turkish

Thank you for the reply...

I'm with you... . I'd drive myself mad trying to understand just what she's thinking... . all during the r/s she was impulsive and reactive... . and driven by emotion depending on the situation at hand... . my best guess... . and I'll leave it at that is maybe just trying to assume some control in making me wait.  Ugh

My lawyer has been away but I am talking to her this week... .

Part of me wants to just go easy with her... . whilst on the other hand I d love to just have the lawyer get aggressive... .

We basically own nothing together and have older children so I'm not sure why she doesn't just want to get this done...

Again... . who the heck knows what is going on for her... . purely wasted time spent trying to understand any of it!

I am definately wanting this to be over

As for the fog... It's pretty much lifted for me... . although this seems to bring it back in a bit... . reminiscent of what my 4+ year r/s was all about... .

It sure makes the detachment more difficult

This is almost like" walking on eggshells "all over again