No feelings of guilt

[poor old smith]

Most borderlines (if not all) display no feelings of guilt.  They hurl their abuse, and then get angry if we refuse to accept their bull___.

These people are remorseless deviants.  They aren't sick.  They're just bad.  You'd be better off living with a pack of hungry vampires.

I just don't understand the mindset of people who excuse their behavior.  This isn't mental illness.  This is bad character.

They are all very charming and manipulative when they want to be.  They choose how they wish to act. 

Cut these people out of your life.  Who has time for the crap?

And there's no recovery from this "disease."  It's just a long downward spiral.

Run from these monsters.  Run and never look back.

God bless.

[letmeout]

poor old smith, most of us here are trying to deal with the trauma from our r/s with disordered people. A lot are working through issues that caused us to tolerate the  complete chaos BPD people offer. Isn't that why you are here too?

 

[laelle]

While I agree with your "feelings" on this poor old smith, and your words make me want to add a "Hell Yeah" to them, they arent totally true.

BPD is a mental illness.  Alot of people who suffer from BPD are "sick" or as you say "bad" people... . but, no two people are alike, BPD or not.

My personal experience is heck yeah! bad folks, users and abusers, but I have friends who have BPD spouses and it goes quite differently for them.

Their BPD partners are aware and do their best to work on their issues.  It isnt easy, but it works for them.

While I enjoy the occasional "BPD are the Devils spawn" comments, it is more important for me to figure out what the hell I was thinking staying involved with such a sick person.  I was just as sick as he is.

Thankfully, I can get myself in order, and move forward.  As you say, not much chance for them.

[BorisAcusio]

I have friends who have BPD spouses

About 2 percent of the population have BPD. While not impossible but it's statistically highly unlikely that you have a set of friends with a borderline spouses, especially ones with ongoing treatment. Untreated pwBPD will inevitably bring hell on earth to the NONs life. Just look at the staying board.

About guilt:

Borderlines regress back to the paranoid-schizoid position under the conditions of anxiety, they project out guilt to the external object, so they don't have to experience and deal with it.  

Lack of guilt? Yes. Arrested development? Sure. Are they evil? No.

[poor old smith]

I've been with a BPD hell-witch for fifteen years.  The only reason I stayed was for the children.

I just want people to be aware of the facts.  If you don't have kids, leave as soon as possible.  Run for the door and never look back.

This "disease" never goes away.  You're in for nothing but lies, tantrums, abuse, and constant insanity until the bitter end.  You'd be better off falling in love with a psycopathic seriel killer.  At least they can hold a decent conversation.

I'm leaving my hell witch.  She's now threatening to steal all my money.  She also said that she's going to get me fired from my job.  The lunatic hates me so much that she won't let me go cleanly.  She's like a vengeful cat torturing a mouse.

And you wanna know something.  I don't care.  I'd rather be poor and homeless than joined at the hip to a witch like her.

I'm not here for sympathy.

I want to warn all the young people out there who haven't been trapped by their sedeuctive sexy spiders to get out as soon as possible.  Find a plump plain girl with a sparkling personality. 

Having coitus with the crazy leads to nothing but ruin.

Trust me.

Run!

[poor old smith]

While I agree with your "feelings" on this poor old smith, and your words make me want to add a "Hell Yeah" to them, they arent totally true.

BPD is a mental illness.  Alot of people who suffer from BPD are "sick" or as you say "bad" people... . but, no two people are alike, BPD or not.

My personal experience is heck yeah! bad folks, users and abusers, but I have friends who have BPD spouses and it goes quite differently for them.

Their BPD partners are aware and do their best to work on their issues.  It isnt easy, but it works for them.

While I enjoy the occasional "BPD are the Devils spawn" comments, it is more important for me to figure out what the hell I was thinking staying involved with such a sick person.  I was just as sick as he is.

Thankfully, I can get myself in order, and move forward.  As you say, not much chance for them.

BTW, it's not a mental illness.  It's a personality disorder.  I don't want to come off as snippy.  But there is a difference.

[laelle]

I have friends who have BPD spouses

About 2 percent of the population have BPD. While not impossible but it's statistically highly unlikely that you have a set of friends with a borderline spouses, especially ones with ongoing treatment. Untreated pwBPD will inevitably bring hell on earth to the NONs life. Just look at the staying board.

About guilt:

Borderlines regress back to the paranoid-schizoid position under the conditions of anxiety, they project out guilt to the external object, so they don't have to experience and deal with it.  

Lack of guilt? Yes. Arrested development? Sure. Are they evil? No.

Totally possible as I met them on an online support group for family members who have BPD. 

[laelle]

While I agree with your "feelings" on this poor old smith, and your words make me want to add a "Hell Yeah" to them, they arent totally true.

BPD is a mental illness.  Alot of people who suffer from BPD are "sick" or as you say "bad" people... . but, no two people are alike, BPD or not.

My personal experience is heck yeah! bad folks, users and abusers, but I have friends who have BPD spouses and it goes quite differently for them.

Their BPD partners are aware and do their best to work on their issues.  It isnt easy, but it works for them.

While I enjoy the occasional "BPD are the Devils spawn" comments, it is more important for me to figure out what the hell I was thinking staying involved with such a sick person.  I was just as sick as he is.

Thankfully, I can get myself in order, and move forward.  As you say, not much chance for them.

BTW, it's not a mental illness.  It's a personality disorder.  I don't want to come off as snippy.  But there is a difference.

touché - not right in the head anyway.

[AwakenedOne]

You're in for nothing but lies, tantrums, abuse, and constant insanity until the bitter end.  

This is an accurate description of what I went through with my uBPDstbxw until the bitter end came of her abandoning the marriage.

She's now threatening to steal all my money.  She also said that she's going to get me fired from my job.

She took all the money, the car, almost everything else, got me fired and I was forced to drop out of college.

[BorisAcusio]

I have friends who have BPD spouses

About 2 percent of the population have BPD. While not impossible but it's statistically highly unlikely that you have a set of friends with a borderline spouses, especially ones with ongoing treatment. Untreated pwBPD will inevitably bring hell on earth to the NONs life. Just look at the staying board.

About guilt:

Borderlines regress back to the paranoid-schizoid position under the conditions of anxiety, they project out guilt to the external object, so they don't have to experience and deal with it.  

Lack of guilt? Yes. Arrested development? Sure. Are they evil? No.

Totally possible as I met them on an online support group for family members who have BPD. 

It should have crossed my mind:)

[trappedinlove]

Personally, I had a different experience.

My uBPDxso told me more than once when we were closer that she has a dark side and that she can be bad to people, including to me.

She once even pointed out that she felt she was bad to me and about something she told me that she admitted was knew would cause me pain.

She didn't fully understand how people stand her and why they still like her and want to be friends with her.

After our r/s broke up and I wanted to remain friends although she pushed me away and broke contact with me, she referred to her present situation when she was dating someone older and had an affair with a younger guy on the side, she felt VERY guilty about that and asked me painfully how I want to be friends with someone that acts like that.

At different points in time she was in a different state of mind though and seemed like having no regret and guilkt about that - and that's part of her instability and emotional disregulation.

All in all, in her case I saw a lot of guilt and shame, and that's part of the reason I still care about her and hope and wish she decides to get back into therapy and get better.

[trappedinlove]

Also, having a 18yo daughter with BPD traits which is somewhere along the spectrum, I see the whole picture.

It's definitely not all bad or all good.

It's complicated and challenging.

[BorisAcusio]

Even healthy people tend to confuse shame reactions with guilt as we mistakenly suppose that the other party is on the same level of emotonal maturation as we are.

   

What borderline feels instead of guilt is toxic shame, induced by their sadistic superego forerunner.

Brown also makes it clear that feeling guilty can absolutely be a healthy thing, as this emotion can and often does lead to positive behavior change: “I feel badly about my behavior, and I’d like to fix the situation and behave differently in the future.” Shame, on the other hand, is incredibly unhealthy, causing lowered self-esteem (feelings of unworthiness) and behaviors that reinforce that self-image: “I am a bad person and there’s nothing I can do about that, so I might as well continue behaving badly.” In short, guilt is potentially a very healthy feeling, and shame is not.

Guilt is about taking responsibility for one's actions, and not blaming others for them. Recognizing the self as the active agent, not a passive subject of external forces.