DD28 'rolled back' from work release at jail - dh and I are relieved

[Parents! Get help here!]

I saw DD on Saturday to drop off her June bus pass. She was upset that one of her work release friends had been rolled back into the general jail population dorm at 2am that morning -- very abrupt and unusual. DD spent last week looking for a 3rd job. I could sense her overwhelm all week. She looked so very sad and alone when I drove away.

I did not hear from DD yesterday. Her phone was off this morning. The plan was for me to drive her to probation appt at 7:30am. I called booking before I left home - yes she is 'still with us'. I drove past 2 places we have met before, then stopped at work release entrance. No sign of DD.

So I went to work (auto repair shop is close to the jail) and wondered. She called about 10:30. She was being transferred from work release program to 'work crew' program. She must have been on a hold yesterday while they figured out how to respond to some violation.

[Hmmmm... . could it be the pretend job sheet she was filling out when I saw her on Friday?]

She sounded pretty calm. She will be in the same dorm as the work release women she already knows. She will be working under direct supervision of sheriff officers daily. They drive out in a van daily and do community service types of things. She asked me to come pick up all her stuff and put money her jail account. Called dh and he said "Whew, I feel so much better (than not knowing)".

In work release she was independent - wore street clothes, got her own meds. and personal care stuff, handled all her appointments (probation, mental health, DUI recovery classes, medical doctor appts... . ) fed herself during the day, paid a daily rent to the jail. Had to work 30-50 hours a week and provide own transportation. I kind of thought the judge was crazy when this sentence was given as DD has never been able to hold a job in the past.

I am really proud of her though -- she did actually get 2 jobs. There were her personal challenges that got in the way. She contacted all the above professionals for the needed appointments and asked me ahead of time to make time to drive with her. And she admitted to having drug cravings (stimulants) as things were unwinding around her last week when she could not find another job. It is so hard to watch a slow motion melt and accept she is doing the best she can.

At first I was feeling powerless about this - that I could not help her. Then I stopped myself. There are many things I have been able to help with. I can show her my love in many supportive ways - talking on the phone, being open about how her choices are different from mine and that is OK for her, giving her rides when I am able and saying no when I have other plans, giving a limited amount of direct financial support. And she has been so very very appreciative for all of this -- this is so different from the past. I attribute this apprecation/reflective ability to being drug/alcohol free since Feb 22nd. She has worked hard to be successful in jail and out on work release for over 3 months!

In work crew she will be in jail uniforms and has to buy everything through their commissary store. Dh and I can talk about what we are able to do to support her financially and with time. She has asked if I will visit in the jail. I have not been able to do this over the past 2 years because gd was home from school during her visit times. [She has been in/out of jail and probation over past 2 years for DUI and last year added convictions for harassment and various violations of no contact and probation] I will check out her schedule later this week. Maybe I am willing to do this now. I was not before, and was grateful gd was home during that time.

My relief comes two-fold. She is not rolled-back into regular jail population which is really a stressful environment for her -- very crowded and noisy. She always ended up with infection flareups - MRSA. I hope the work crew gives her some experience and some people to 'safely' bond with. She is very reliant on having a peer to keep her focused and settled. I hope she can stay in this program to finish out her sentence. Her projected release date is 9/29/14.

She will still have to complete the drug/alcohol probation requirements of the DUI conviction whether she can do that in jail or it comes in the fall after her release. At least we get a reprieve before she will need a place to live, and another 'outside' job.

My prayers are for DD to connect with the resources that HAVE TO BE THERE IN THE COMMUNITY to help her be successful when she gets released. I read about them online for our county. I really just want to find some official that I can shake or stomp my feet in front of to get their attention. HELP MY GIRL -- SHE WANTS TO BE SUCCESSFUL -- SHE CAN'T DO THIS ALONE -- FAMILY CANNOT PROVIDE IT ALL FOR HER.  Can you hear me screaming here. [vent, vent, vent]

Dh is home from work. Enough for now. Thanks for listening.

qcr

[qcarolr]

I saw DD on Saturday to drop off her June bus pass. She was upset that one of her work release friends had been rolled back into the general jail population dorm at 2am that morning -- very abrupt and unusual. DD spent last week looking for a 3rd job. I could sense her overwhelm all week. She looked so very sad and alone when I drove away.

I did not hear from DD yesterday. Her phone was off this morning. The plan was for me to drive her to probation appt at 7:30am. I called booking before I left home - yes she is 'still with us'. I drove past 2 places we have met before, then stopped at work release entrance. No sign of DD.

So I went to work (auto repair shop is close to the jail) and wondered. She called about 10:30. She was being transferred from work release program to 'work crew' program. She must have been on a hold yesterday while they figured out how to respond to some violation.

[Hmmmm... . could it be the pretend job sheet she was filling out when I saw her on Friday?]

She sounded pretty calm. She will be in the same dorm as the work release women she already knows. She will be working under direct supervision of sheriff officers daily. They drive out in a van daily and do community service types of things. She asked me to come pick up all her stuff and put money her jail account. Called dh and he said "Whew, I feel so much better (than not knowing)".

In work release she was independent - wore street clothes, got her own meds. and personal care stuff, handled all her appointments (probation, mental health, DUI recovery classes, medical doctor appts... . ) fed herself during the day, paid a daily rent to the jail. Had to work 30-50 hours a week and provide own transportation. I kind of thought the judge was crazy when this sentence was given as DD has never been able to hold a job in the past.

I am really proud of her though -- she did actually get 2 jobs. There were her personal challenges that got in the way. She contacted all the above professionals for the needed appointments and asked me ahead of time to make time to drive with her. And she admitted to having drug cravings (stimulants) as things were unwinding around her last week when she could not find another job. It is so hard to watch a slow motion melt and accept she is doing the best she can.

At first I was feeling powerless about this - that I could not help her. Then I stopped myself. There are many things I have been able to help with. I can show her my love in many supportive ways - talking on the phone, being open about how her choices are different from mine and that is OK for her, giving her rides when I am able and saying no when I have other plans, giving a limited amount of direct financial support. And she has been so very very appreciative for all of this -- this is so different from the past. I attribute this apprecation/reflective ability to being drug/alcohol free since Feb 22nd. She has worked hard to be successful in jail and out on work release for over 3 months!

In work crew she will be in jail uniforms and has to buy everything through their commissary store. Dh and I can talk about what we are able to do to support her financially and with time. She has asked if I will visit in the jail. I have not been able to do this over the past 2 years because gd was home from school during her visit times. [She has been in/out of jail and probation over past 2 years for DUI and last year added convictions for harassment and various violations of no contact and probation] I will check out her schedule later this week. Maybe I am willing to do this now. I was not before, and was grateful gd was home during that time.

My relief comes two-fold. She is not rolled-back into regular jail population which is really a stressful environment for her -- very crowded and noisy. She always ended up with infection flareups - MRSA. I hope the work crew gives her some experience and some people to 'safely' bond with. She is very reliant on having a peer to keep her focused and settled. I hope she can stay in this program to finish out her sentence. Her projected release date is 9/29/14.

She will still have to complete the drug/alcohol probation requirements of the DUI conviction whether she can do that in jail or it comes in the fall after her release. At least we get a reprieve before she will need a place to live, and another 'outside' job.

My prayers are for DD to connect with the resources that HAVE TO BE THERE IN THE COMMUNITY to help her be successful when she gets released. I read about them online for our county. I really just want to find some official that I can shake or stomp my feet in front of to get their attention. HELP MY GIRL -- SHE WANTS TO BE SUCCESSFUL -- SHE CAN'T DO THIS ALONE -- FAMILY CANNOT PROVIDE IT ALL FOR HER.  Can you hear me screaming here. [vent, vent, vent]

Dh is home from work. Enough for now. Thanks for listening.

qcr

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

Maybe my relief is short-lived. DD called. Not sure how program works. She knows women in her dorm that live there and are on work crew. The rules online say it is a day reporting job - ie. you don't live at the jail. I want to call someone and ask a ton of questions. And I will tolerate my distress and let things unroll as they will. This is not my life - it is Dd's.

DD said she had a 'hot' UA - did not say what substance but most likely pot. I chose not to ask. They also said she had tatoo equipment in her locker - she claimed it was not hers... .   Good chance this is a temporary sanction of some type. Her sentence is longer than the 20day maximum listed in the rules online. Then what - she goes back to work release?

Wouldn't it be better for her long-term participation in society to give her some consistency in where she is at? Doesn't seem to be  a consequence that will have an impact on her outside feelings/thoughts/actions.

Her friend that got rolled back - got rolled all the way back to the most secure cell area. Charged with bringing heroin into the jail. Not a good friend for DD. Hmmmmm. Maybe DD was hot for heroin as she spent a day or two with this friend after she lost her job last week.

My greatest relief is that DD is safe and supervised for now. And she is not living in our home. And I love her as much as any mom can love a daughter. She has so many challenges to overcome if she can keep making tiny little steps forward.

qcr

[Rapt Reader]

qcarolr, I really hope that whatever turns out to be your daughter's "truth" is something that brings her at least a bit closer to recovery.

I'm sorry for all of this stress, and think that you are handling this all very well   

You'll be in my prayers... .

[peaceplease]

qcr,

I jsut wanted to reply real quick before I retire for the night.  At first, I was saying, yay... .   Now, I am confused.  Anyways, you are doing marvelous!  I am in awe of your strength!  Continued prayers for you, daughter and family.

peace

[Thursday]

Q-



Other than wanting to give you a big hug I am in awe of your strength. Such a roller coaster ride you have been on.

Life can be so hard.

Thursday

[MammaMia]

Perhaps the work crew will provide more structure for your dd.  PwBPD desperately need that.  It is not a failure, just a turn in the road.

[qcarolr]

Thank you my friends for the encouragement!

On my mind today is the admissions to me from DD that she has cravings for drugs. Only a couple months ago she said stubbornly to me "Mom, I only take drugs when I want to. I don't have to take them." A big step forward in her relapse. Oh how she needs supportive friends. She is so dependent on them.

qcr

[qcarolr]

It feels like dh and I are getting a short break. The supervisor of her pod at jail said she is doing straight time now. I had called about her getting a pass out for a doctor appointment - which she could do under work release. DD called me with name to call at public defender office to request a 'furlough' from the judge to see the doctor about her Hep C. I will call tomorrow and check into that possibility.

She is in the lowest security dorm - the same as for her work release. She either stays in the pod, or goes out on work crew. She has called about every other day, and we have a calm chat for the 15 minutes.

Perhaps there is some relief for her no longer having to search for jobs she believes she will fail at. The longest she ever had a job was for 4 weeks. She worked a total of 3 weeks, 2 jobs while in work release for 6 weeks.

Her current release date is 9/29/2014. DD has requested her public defender lawyer to file a motion for hearing to reconsider her sentence. The lawyer has that info. I included a letter to the judge that was very honest with my concerns about DD's release without housing options. Also included a list of the various appointments that are needed for all the court ordered DUI stuff, medical , mental health stuff. How can she work full-time and do all this other too?

I think her sentence is reasonable - I want them to prepare her to be released and not to be homeless again.

qcr